Ex-Girfriend Trying to Use Me

LegacyUser

Here's some basic background info:

- Went out with her for two years
- broke up six months ago
- Initially, in the heat of the break-up (as in the following days) I said I wanted to remain friends. But I dont anymore as its too hard, wouldnt work seeing as I loved her right until the end and still kinda have feelings for her and frankly her actions as of late are getting to me.
- We're both 18
- Little or no contact for months after the breakup until very recently
- my twin is going out with her best friend


Basically, I still care about her a lot to the point where I would like it if we had never broken up. I didnt want to. BUT - If given the chance I wouldnt get back together with her as I know it wouldnt be the same.

Anyway, she had a grand aul summer with her friends with mine being pretty ****e having planned to go away with her etc... Was still okay thouhg, went out a lot with friends. Had a little rebound thing too. Summer is drawing to a close and she gets back from a holiday (one of many) with her friends about a month ago. I hear through the grapevine that she has nobody to go the her debs with and she complained about it on the holiday. [She did TY so I'm out of school a year before her... her debs is at the end of Sept]

Three hours after her flight land I get a text. "Hey hows you" kinda crap. We texted for a week straight nearly. And I dont really know why I kept it up. I think I just liked the thought that I was texting her and I still meant something to her etc... Anyway she then went on another holiday so we stopped texting. Since she's returned shes texted me quite a few times (she always starts the conversation).

All of this is happening in the midst of all the girls in our (fairly loose now-a-days) circle getting excited about the debs.

I've said it from the get go, from the very first text (to my brother who is actually going out with her best friend, hense grapevine) that I think shes just playing the "oh lets be friends" thing so I'll agree to go to the debs with her. The minute I seen I had a text from her it just popped into my mind that its what she was up to. Then after the debs she'll have no use for me and will leave it.

The thing is I

a) Dont want to go to her debs with her in any way

b) Am angry at her for trying to use me in this way. Its fairly obvious and she seems very insistent on making sure we're friends etc... I've never actually said we are. As far as I'm concerned she's my ex.

c) She also doesnt seem to really give a crap about how texting me and using me would make me feel. I think she just wants to have me 'on call' so to speak for formal occasions. I'd be her black suit to her black dress so to speak.

I dont know what to do as if I

a) cut all contact and ingnore her it will be awkward when we come into contact such as at mutual friends birthdays, housepartys in the area etc.. She actually texted me yesterday,..a few texts were exchanged and then I kind of said to myself "what the hell am I doing?" so I just havent texted back since yesterday afternoon.

b) Call her up on it as she can easily just deny it. I'll admit that someone viewing from the outside it will look as though she wants a friend etc... but I know in my heart that aint it. Its all to 'constructed' if you know what I mean.

c) Carry on as normal and pretend I want to be friends all the while waiting for her to ask and it blowing up in my face. I'd hate to have to go through such a formal thing pretending I'm happy to be her friend an go to her debs, see her family etc....

Advice?

Busi_Girl08

ExProb wrote: »

The thing is I

a) Dont want to go to her debs with her in any way

Then don't.

If she gets pissed off because you won't go to the Debs with her, a service you are under no obligation to fullfill, then you are lucky you got out of the relationship with her.

Terri26

look try not to worry about it. even if she wanted to bring you to her debs that's a really big deal ti proves she likes you a lot even just as a friend. would you not have fun considering you know her friends and I assume your brother is going too?

anyway if you really don't want to go plan something NOW for that date before she asks you and when she asks say sorry I have xxxx planned it's a pity you didn't give me more notice. If you have soemthing planned and the debs is less than a month away she should be giving you notice! hope this helps!

boarduser1980

I have 2 seperate opinions on this:

1. you were together for 2 years, she is probably just so used to having you around, and also the fact you's are kind of in the same circle of friends, she doesnt want you's falling out as it would make things awkward when you's are all out as a group. if all your other mates and your brother are going, then why dont you go and make a nite of it? doesnt mean you have to be wrapped to her all nite.
2. she may be using you, cos she has nobody else to bring, she knows you might still have a soft spot for her and you will be at her beck and call. if you really dont want anymore to do with her, tell her out straight 'no im not interested in going, but thanks for asking'. she will get the picture straight away

Penn

Don't want to go, then don't go. Simple as. I wouldn't do anything as drastic as call her out on it or make a big deal out of it. Just say you're either busy or tell her the truth, you just don't want to go with her. You're no longer under any obligation to her.

petes

If she asks just say no. No need to call her up on it. It may be nothing to do with the debs. Ease off on the text messages also.

Ickle Magoo

I don't think you should be worrying until she actually asks you. If you don't want to go then don't ask her, reel in the constant texting so she doesn't get the wrong idea and maybe drop a hint to your twin so the grapevine finds her and lets her know not to bother?

All the best.

katie99

ExProb wrote: »

Here's some basic background info:

- Went out with her for two years
- broke up six months ago
- Initially, in the heat of the break-up (as in the following days) I said I wanted to remain friends. But I dont anymore as its too hard, wouldnt work seeing as I loved her right until the end and still kinda have feelings for her and frankly her actions as of late are getting to me.
- We're both 18
- Little or no contact for months after the breakup until very recently
- my twin is going out with her best friend


Basically, I still care about her a lot to the point where I would like it if we had never broken up. I didnt want to. BUT - If given the chance I wouldnt get back together with her as I know it wouldnt be the same.

Anyway, she had a grand aul summer with her friends with mine being pretty ****e having planned to go away with her etc... Was still okay thouhg, went out a lot with friends. Had a little rebound thing too. Summer is drawing to a close and she gets back from a holiday (one of many) with her friends about a month ago. I hear through the grapevine that she has nobody to go the her debs with and she complained about it on the holiday. [She did TY so I'm out of school a year before her... her debs is at the end of Sept]

Three hours after her flight land I get a text. "Hey hows you" kinda crap. We texted for a week straight nearly. And I dont really know why I kept it up. I think I just liked the thought that I was texting her and I still meant something to her etc... Anyway she then went on another holiday so we stopped texting. Since she's returned shes texted me quite a few times (she always starts the conversation).

All of this is happening in the midst of all the girls in our (fairly loose now-a-days) circle getting excited about the debs.

I've said it from the get go, from the very first text (to my brother who is actually going out with her best friend, hense grapevine) that I think shes just playing the "oh lets be friends" thing so I'll agree to go to the debs with her. The minute I seen I had a text from her it just popped into my mind that its what she was up to. Then after the debs she'll have no use for me and will leave it.

The thing is I

a) Dont want to go to her debs with her in any way

b) Am angry at her for trying to use me in this way. Its fairly obvious and she seems very insistent on making sure we're friends etc... I've never actually said we are. As far as I'm concerned she's my ex.

c) She also doesnt seem to really give a crap about how texting me and using me would make me feel. I think she just wants to have me 'on call' so to speak for formal occasions. I'd be her black suit to her black dress so to speak.

I dont know what to do as if I

a) cut all contact and ingnore her it will be awkward when we come into contact such as at mutual friends birthdays, housepartys in the area etc.. She actually texted me yesterday,..a few texts were exchanged and then I kind of said to myself "what the hell am I doing?" so I just havent texted back since yesterday afternoon.

b) Call her up on it as she can easily just deny it. I'll admit that someone viewing from the outside it will look as though she wants a friend etc... but I know in my heart that aint it. Its all to 'constructed' if you know what I mean.

c) Carry on as normal and pretend I want to be friends all the while waiting for her to ask and it blowing up in my face. I'd hate to have to go through such a formal thing pretending I'm happy to be her friend an go to her debs, see her family etc....

Advice?

She hasn't asked you. You're anticipating she will ask you. Why
not just ignore her texts, period.
Lead you're own life. Don't have anything to do with her.
Ask your twin not to discuss you and your lifestyle with his girlfriend because you don't want her telling your ex what you are doing.
Don't fret yourself. She's gone. As you say yourself you view her as your ex. That's it. Forget her.
Find someone who wants to be with you for you not for an upcoming Debs so she can use you.