massage

LegacyUser

i have recently gone back exercising after and injury and have been training hard and losing weight. yesterday i decided to go for a massage for the first time ever. i googled massage and went to a therapist in rathmines. the masssage was great but at the end she performed a sex act on me which i 100% did not expect. i did not stop her and i feel a bit bad about this though in reality it was really good. i would not use a prostitute etc which is why i am feeling a bit strange about the whole thing. i am single so no one is getting hurt.
does anyone have any opinions please

MrsN

WTF? What kind of establishment was this? What was the sex act?

Nevyn

MrsN Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Nevyn

I suggest that if you are looking for a therapeutic massage that you go to a proper establishment, like Melt in templebar or Harvest moon. Do your research.

fungun

opinions on what exactly?

i dont mean to be off topic etc but id be surprised if this isnt some 'advertising', otherwise why the detail on what terms you googled.

There isnt even a real issue asked about...i mean OP got an unexpected sex act.....do i have an opinion? Not really, hope you enjoyed it but cue 100 desperate men googling 'massage rathmines' and getting the top 2 results which initially look quite dodgy.

Taltos

glentun wrote: »

i would not use a prostitute etc which is why i am feeling a bit strange about the whole thing. i am single so no one is getting hurt.

OP - you may not have picked her up in your car - but come on - you paid for a sex act. That makes her a prossie and you a john.

No-one is getting hurt - are you sure of this? How much is she being paid? Does she have a choice about where she works....

Going to stop here.

But seriously do your research on who to get a massage from. Facilities like this do nothing but give the whole profession a bad name.

metrovelvet

I think I remember the same thing happenning to someone else who posted on PI several months ago. I wonder if its the same masseuse.

Paco Rodriguez

metrovelvet wrote: »

I think I remember the same thing happenning to someone else who posted on PI several months ago. I wonder if its the same masseuse.

Yes, I also remembered that post. I wonder how these establishments can get away with it. Surely, they might pick the wrong customer one day and get reported.

coolcat63

Why didn't you just stop her? Surely you could have given a simple "no thanks" and hopped off the table. Did you get charged more for the extras?

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

OP - you may not have picked her up in your car - but come on - you paid for a sex act. That makes her a prossie and you a john.

No-one is getting hurt - are you sure of this? How much is she being paid? Does she have a choice about where she works....

Going to stop here.

But seriously do your research on who to get a massage from. Facilities like this do nothing but give the whole profession a bad name.

i paid for a massage. when i got there i asked for a sports massage. i had no idea what was going to happen. nothing seemed untoward about the place or the therapist until the act happened. i did not pay extra for it

Distorted

As an athlete who often gets sports massage to aid recovery from training, this is wierd. Theres no shortage of sports masseurs out there or information on where to find them. Likewise its really easy to spot the places that aren't really offering sports massage! Ditto a lot of men would jump off the table any time the "extras" started happening, having an aversion to sleaze and prostitution, and certainly not post about it on an internet site. This post is clearly a not so subtle attempt at advertising.

LegacyUser

Distorted wrote: »

As an athlete who often gets sports massage to aid recovery from training, this is wierd. Theres no shortage of sports masseurs out there or information on where to find them. Likewise its really easy to spot the places that aren't really offering sports massage! Ditto a lot of men would jump off the table any time the "extras" started happening, having an aversion to sleaze and prostitution, and certainly not post about it on an internet site. This post is clearly a not so subtle attempt at advertising.

this a genuine post. i have never had a massage before and this happened to me

Zeouterlimits

Simply put: Report the clinic. Try to forget and move on.

You really should have stopped whatever the act was.

ted1

it's called a happy ending.

Miss Fluff

Whatever way you want to sugar-coat it you paid for a sex act. While its easy getting caught up in the moment, you didn't actually stop her. I guess the level of how bad you feel about it is whether you choose to go back their again. It sounds dodgy as hell to me. If you have a genuine sports injury you need to be going to a genuine sports masseuse.

Slydice

if you weren't consenting to it, it sounds like sexual assault


was there consent from you op? if there wasn't consent, why did you not express your lack of consent?


Edit: As a follow up, there seems to be a website on the matter here: http://www.rubbedthewrongway.org/

Wagon

Sounds like a porn fantasy.

And not many men get to live out those. You jammy bastard

And if you don't want to repeat it, don't go back. And it's not prostitution either.

It was just a stroke of good luck.

Darlughda

Wagon wrote: »

Sounds like a porn fantasy.

And not many men get to live out those. You jammy bastard

And if you don't want to repeat it, don't go back. And it's not prostitution either.

It was just a stroke of good luck.

I cannot believe your disgusting attitude. Would you say that if the OP was female?

Same goes for some of the other posters on this thread.

The OP is bringing up something that can be very hard for some men to speak about: inappropriate sexual advances and assault.

No wonder men find it difficult to discuss issues like this.


OP, some people are asking you did you give consent or not? If you didn't say anything to stop it, why was this? Were you feeling overwhelmed? Maybe it felt good and then afterwards you felt differently about it?

That does not mean you should feel bad or that you actually consented. If as you say you knew nothing of what was about to happen then being overwhelmed in such a way would be understandable.

Chinafoot

Darlughda wrote: »

OP, some people are asking you did you give consent or not? If you didn't say anything to stop it, why was this? Were you feeling overwhelmed? Maybe it felt good and then afterwards you felt differently about it?

That does not mean you should feel bad or that you actually consented. If as you say you knew nothing of what was about to happen then being overwhelmed in such a way would be understandable.

Woah woah woah...so you are saying that even if the OP enjoyed it at the time and was happy to go along with it, he is entitled to decide after the fact that he's not happy with what happened and therefore it wasn't consensual and he was in fact assaulted? Are you for real?

If the OP was happy to go along with it then there is no issue here. He doesn't get to change his mind after the fact. The same goes for a woman if it happened to her. Shít like that is how innocent men end up in garda stations accused of rape.

OP, what exactly are you asking here? If you take issue with what she did then do as another poster suggested and report the place. However, I do agree that this sounds like either a fantasy or blatant advertising.

Darlughda

Chinafoot wrote: »

Woah woah woah...so you are saying that even if the OP enjoyed it at the time and was happy to go along with it, he is entitled to decide after the fact that he's not happy with what happened and therefore it wasn't consensual and he was in fact assaulted? Are you for real?

If the OP was happy to go along with it then there is no issue here. He doesn't get to change his mind after the fact. The same goes for a woman if it happened to her. Shít like that is how innocent men end up in garda stations accused of rape.

OP, what exactly are you asking here? If you take issue with what she did then do as another poster suggested and report the place. However, I do agree that this sounds like either a fantasy or blatant advertising.

First of all, I'm taking the OP as genuine, I would assume this thread would have been well locked by now if the mods suspected otherwise.
Therefore, your suggestions of fantasy or advertising are well out of line.

Secondly, there have been many acts of sexual advances or assault where the person has not assertively said 'No.' These are the incidents that do NOT end up in garda stations, or talked about because the person feels shame or guilt that they 'consented' to it, and carries that with them silently instead.

Thirdly to assume the OP was 'happy' and 'enjoyed' it is like assuming a woman in the same position, would have been happy and enjoyed it if a masseuse moved to her vagina and stimulated her sexually.

Arousal does not mean that it was ok the masseuse did this, when their was no prior consent for this act.

Chinafoot, are you for real??

Chinafoot

glentun wrote: »

i did not stop her and i feel a bit bad about this though in reality it was really good.

This is what the OP said. "In reality it was really good". His issue (if genuine) seems to be more to do with him equating it to prostitution and the subsequent shame he might feel about that.

And yes I am for real in what I said. If a woman enjoyed the act and was happy to go along with it - as the OP clearly was, if you'd care to read the first post again you'll see little evidence to the contrary - then I do not believe they get to reconsider after the fact, decide it was a mistake and cry assault/rape.

Also, please do not attempt to school me in the ways of sexual assault. As someone who has been assaulted in the past I know full well how it feels to not have the strength or the courage to shout and kick and scream and I know the burden that brings. I carried it for years. I said no but I didn't scream. However, I most certainly did not enjoy what happened to me in any way whatsoever and tried to move myself away as much as I could, as overwhelmed by what was happening as I was. The OP enjoyed what happened to him and hasn't come here claiming assault. You grabbed on to that, nobody else. But sure whatever pushes your agenda, eh?

Darlughda

Chinafoot wrote: »

This is what the OP said. "In reality it was really good". His issue (if genuine) seems to be more to do with him equating it to prostitution and the subsequent shame he might feel about that.

And yes I am for real in what I said. If a woman enjoyed the act and was happy to go along with it - as the OP clearly was, if you'd care to read the first post again you'll see little evidence to the contrary - then I do not believe they get to reconsider after the fact, decide it was a mistake and cry assault/rape.

Also, please do not attempt to school me in the ways of sexual assault. As someone who has been assaulted in the past I know full well how it feels to not have the strength or the courage to shout and kick and scream and I know the burden that brings. I carried it for years. I said no but I didn't scream. However, I most certainly did not enjoy what happened to me in any way whatsoever and tried to move myself away as much as I could, as overwhelmed by what was happening as I was. The OP enjoyed what happened to him and hasn't come here claiming assault. You grabbed on to that, nobody else. But sure whatever pushes your agenda, eh?

What agenda is that Chinafoot?

Since you have also experienced sexual assault then you must be aware of the many people who experience shame, guilt and confusion because they were aroused and experienced sexual 'enjoyment', yet it was not consensual sexual behaviour.

Chinafoot

Darlughda wrote: »

Since you have also experienced sexual assault then you must be aware of the many people who experience shame, guilt and confusion because they were aroused and experienced sexual 'enjoyment', yet it was not consensual sexual behaviour.

Where did the OP say any of that? He explicitly said in his first post:

i would not use a prostitute etc which is why i am feeling a bit strange about the whole thing. i am single so no one is getting hurt.

Now where is the shame, guilt and confusion at his "assault"?

Darlughda

I never said the OP mentioned sexual assault.

I used the term sexual assault in the context of experiences people have when a sex act has been performed on them without prior mutual consent.

So the OP does not say specifically is experiencing the emotions of guilt, shame and confusion.

I used those terms to elaborate and describe emotions that people often feel in context of having experienced sexual pleasure, despite not having giving prior consent to a sex act.

I am surprised at your lack of understanding and awareness.

Chinafoot

Darlughda wrote: »

I never said the OP mentioned sexual assault.

I used the term sexual assault in the context of experiences people have when a sex act has been performed on them without prior mutual consent.

So the OP does not say specifically is experiencing the emotions of guilt, shame and confusion.

I used those terms to elaborate and describe emotions that people often feel in context of having experienced sexual pleasure, despite not having giving prior consent to a sex act.

No, you tried reading between the lines and saw something that wasn't there. Your comment that its ok to enjoy it at the time and then change your mind afterwards is sickening and insulting to people who have endured an actual assault. Its not ok to decide that you regret your actions and were therfore assaulted. Having an uncontrollable physical reaction while not wanting it to happen is not the same as what happened here to the OP. Why you felt the need to elaborate and describe feelings that the OP didn't go near is baffling.

Darlughda wrote: »

I am surprised at your lack of understanding and awareness.

My awareness and understading is perfectly fine thanks. I simply don't go looking for situations that aren't there.

Darlughda

Fine, Chinafoot. You take the moral high ground here all you want, I reckon its more of a grey area than the black and white scenarios you are referring to.

I'm not engaging in this discussion with you anymore. I would like to hear what the OP has to say now.

S23

Chinafoot has it right on the money here. The OP doesn't get to change his mind after the fact and then kick up a fuss.

Put it this way if it was, as I presume, a handjob then the OP would have had ample time to intervene and say no. The masseuse would have had to stimulate him to make him erect then do the job (for wont of a better description) to completion.

That would provide ample time for the OP to stop what was going on. If I was getting a massage and the masseuse grabbed my penis I'd certainly have something to say and immediately.

I understand the fact that some people 'freeze' when assualted in a sexual manner but this just doesn't fit the bill in my opinion

What it sounds like went on was the he got a massage (in a place that turned out to be one of 'those' massage parlours) presumably the lady in question was attractive and when she gave him a handjob at the end he was surprised but happy to go along with it. Maybe he feels it was a bit seedy after the fact but that doesn't mean he was 'assualted'. He just made what he considers to be a mistake and doesn't feel great about it.

finbarrk

Well the op said 'in reality it was really good', he did really enjoy it and i'd say there is a fair chance he will go for another one next week.

LegacyUser

S23 wrote: »

Chinafoot has it right on the money here. The OP doesn't get to change his mind after the fact and then kick up a fuss.

Put it this way if it was, as I presume, a handjob then the OP would have had ample time to intervene and say no. The masseuse would have had to stimulate him to make him erect then do the job (for wont of a better description) to completion.

That would provide ample time for the OP to stop what was going on. If I was getting a massage and the masseuse grabbed my penis I'd certainly have something to say and immediately.

I understand the fact that some people 'freeze' when assualted in a sexual manner but this just doesn't fit the bill in my opinion

What it sounds like went on was the he got a massage (in a place that turned out to be one of 'those' massage parlours) presumably the lady in question was attractive and when she gave him a handjob at the end he was surprised but happy to go along with it. Maybe he feels it was a bit seedy after the fact but that doesn't mean he was 'assualted'. He just made what he considers to be a mistake and doesn't feel great about it.

i would like to clear up a few issues here. some people have made assertions about me which are just not true. the therapist i went to was irish and adverties herself as having itec qualifications in massage. i went to her for a sports massage which i made clear . the rate was 45 euro per hour. the massage was very good and i would say very professional until the last few minutes. when she massaged me in the genital area she caught me by surprise.
to be honest it did not take long and like most ejaculations i did enjoy it. However as i said in my original post it felt very strange. i was embarrassed and would not go back again. Maybe i should have stopped it but i didnt. this massage took place in this womans home and not a massage parlour . and for the record the woman in question was not someone i would find attractive, not that that matters. i can also state that this was no fantasy for me

Slydice

Hi OP,

Thanks for clarifying. It might be worthwhile getting in touch with the rcni.

They have an office in Dublin and a free phoneline you could call: http://www.rcni.ie/dublin.aspx

Helpline: 1800 778 888
70 Lower Leeson Street, Dublin 2

Here's some advice from their webpages:
Frontpage:

It is important to realise that the trauma of a sexual assault may have both short and long-term effects on your life. Telling someone what happened, being allowed to speak about it and being believed can help you to look at how the sexual abuse has affected you.

Male Survivors page:

Sexual confusion
When you were sexually abused, you may have felt aroused. This is a normal physical response to attention or affection, even when it happens in the context of abuse. This may lead to a lot of confusion for you about your own sexual identity or sexual orientation. Abusers often manipulate feelings of doubt or shame, leading to confusion around sexual orientation. Any anxiety you may feel around masculinity and sexuality may be increased by the stereotype that 'real men' don't get abused, especially if the sexual violence happened to you as an adult. Also, the desire for emotional fulfilment may have been met at some level in the abuse. Afterwards, sex may be seen as one way to satisfy that need for emotional fulfilment.

Sounds like they might be able to help you out.

LegacyUser

Slydice wrote: »

Hi OP,

Thanks for clarifying. It might be worthwhile getting in touch with the rcni.

They have an office in Dublin and a free phoneline you could call: http://www.rcni.ie/dublin.aspx


Here's some advice from their webpages:
Frontpage:


Male Survivors page:


Sounds like they might be able to help you out.

thanks for that, i did not feel traumitised however i felt it was inappropriate. i do not want to become the subject of ridicule either. and i know that sounds like a cop out. but i am 6ft and well built and even though its wrong i feel people will just think i should have prevented it happening. i suppose i hink of guys that use escorts and go for these dodgy massages as sleazy and i dont think of myself that way

tenchi-fan

Hi Op
It's called a happy ending. Professional masseurs don't do it.. it's mainly done by prostitutes!

It's possible she was just a bit frisky and did it for her own enjoyment.

Either way, no harm no foul. It's one for the grandkids. I suggest you go to more reputable places in future.

StarryMoon0

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Hi Op
It's possible she was just a bit frisky and did it for her own enjoyment.

The thought of that seriously creeps me out ..

LegacyUser

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Hi Op
It's called a happy ending. Professional masseurs don't do it.. it's mainly done by prostitutes!

It's possible she was just a bit frisky and did it for her own enjoyment.

Either way, no harm no foul. It's one for the grandkids. I suggest you go to more reputable places in future.

are you for real??? would you say the same if the genders were reversed??

the OP is clearly uncomfortable with this! OP, at the very least I'd report her to the professional body. it is not on what she did to you.

tenchi-fan

forreal?? wrote: »

are you for real??? would you say the same if the genders were reversed??

the OP is clearly uncomfortable with this! OP, at the very least I'd report her to the professional body. it is not on what she did to you.

The fact is, the genders weren't reversed.

I know the op feel uncomfortable.

If he decides it was sexual assault he should definitely report it.

However if he feels he didn't mean to pay for a prostitute and it was all a misunderstanding, I just want him to know that it really isn't that big of a deal.

He didn't do it intentionally so he shouldnt worry about it...

it's like walking out of a shop and then realising you haven't paid for a newspaper. You didn't mean to do it, but at least you got a free read out of it.

seamus

Since this woman does massages in her home, she most likely gets business through word-of-mouth. It's possible that she generally does this kind of thing for her male (and possibly female customers) and because her business is mainly word-of-mouth, most of her customers know of this and are expecting it. She doesn't necessarily have to be a full-blown prostitute, she possibly considers this part of the massaging service and enjoys it herself. Yes, it's technically prostitution, but you can't say there's no difference between giving "happy ending" massages and penetrative vaginal sex.

It might also be the case that she found you attractive, knew you were single as no doubt you'd talked to her to some degree, and she was feeling frisky. Perhaps you were aroused by the massage (a very common occurence, especially on a first massage), she spotted this and decided to take her chances. That you didn't stop her, she saw as a green light (rightly or wrongly) to continue what she was doing.

You're embarrassed, of course you are. You feel weird, and the whole experience was strange because you weren't expecting it and you've had a sexual experience with a complete and utter stranger. But as you say, you're single and no-one's been hurt.

I would say that you do what tenchi-fan says - move on with your life and keep it as an anecdote to tell the lads. You will genuinely be shocked at the amount of men you know who have had similar encounters. The difference is that it was a misunderstanding for you. You will look back and laugh about it.

If the genders were reversed, yes I would say the same thing.

If you actually feel like you've been assaulted, then by all means take action.

Herbal Deity

Chinafoot wrote: »

Woah woah woah...so you are saying that even if the OP enjoyed it at the time and was happy to go along with it, he is entitled to decide after the fact that he's not happy with what happened and therefore it wasn't consensual and he was in fact assaulted?

I think he is fully entitled to this. You're putting words in his mouth by saying he was "happy to go along with it". He just said that it felt good. Sexual stimulation generally does. He's also said that he felt strange, embarrassed and sleazy.

The facts are that he paid for a massage, not a sex act. A massage should be a professional encounter. It's not like two people having consensual sex in a casual setting and then one of them deciding afterwards that they were raped. He was caught off guard and had a sex act performed on him in a situation where he should not expect it. In such a situation, I would imagine that a range of confused emotions, from it feeling good and somehow "right" to being shocked and embarrassed could very well prevent one from objecting.

There are different degrees of sexual assault, the unifying factor being that no consent was involved. I personally don't think that not objecting to a sex act being performed in a professional situation in which it should not be expected, especially where one is very relaxed and very much off guard, can be interpreted as implied consent. It's not going to be as traumatizing as a violent rape, but I know were I in that situation that I could very well be feeling confused, ashamed and somewhat violated, even if I'd probably get over it fairly quickly.

Cheap Thrills!

OP, it sounds like a simple misunderstanding. She probably IS a fully qualified therapist who does extras as well.

Forget about it, many people have had many a weird/unpleasant/regrettable sexual experience that while it doesn't really amount to sexual assault is nevertheless uncomfortable/cringworthy/embarassing/confusing.

It's up to you to decide how you feel about it.
If you're not traumatised then other than taking care to see it doesn't happen in future then put it in a box and move on.

finbarrk

At least the op has clarified it. I suppose it is a bit unusual for an Irish masseure to do such an act but it's certainly common practice in Japan and China.