Rate my auserity measures: Questionable rescession beating ideas.

Rabidlamb

Please disengage bullsh*t detectors.

(1) I'm going self employed & charging everything as a legitimate business expense.
(2) I'm going to stop "buying" fuel & do a drive-off in every garage in a 20 mile radius.
(3) I wont worry about getting caught as I'll be alternating my fake plates which I also use to avoid tolls.
(4) I'll photoshop my NCT, Tax & Insurance Certs just to avoid those pesky checkpoints.
(5) I'll "share" broadband with my neighbour without his knowledge.
(6) I'll do some door to door evening consultancy work with an attractive vat rate of 0%.
(7) I'll have 6 rotating aliases to give the TV Licence Inspector when he calls around.

What am I missing to complete my master money saving scheme ?.

Cut & paste section for the Helen Lovejoys:
People like you make me sick.
Don't you know the garage owner will be out of pocket & this will keep the price of fuel high on the rest of us.
Cheating the system only makes it more expensive on the rest of us.
I hope you get thrown in prison, people like you disgust me.
Someone think of the children.

I agree wholeheartidly with the above post.

Gummy Panda

These suggestions are terrible. If you are self-employed you don't get the dole.

Rabidlamb

Gummy Panda wrote: »

These suggestions are terrible. If you are self-employed you don't get the dole.

Had toyed with the idea but I'd probably just declare a paltry income so I could claim mortgage interest supplement.

UglyFuc

Rabidlamb wrote: »

Please disengage bullsh*t detectors.

(1) I'm going self employed & charging everything as a legitimate business expense.
(2) I'm going to stop "buying" fuel & do a drive-off in every garage in a 20 mile radius.
(3) I wont worry about getting caught as I'll be alternating my fake plates which I also use to avoid tolls.
(4) I'll photoshop my NCT, Tax & Insurance Certs just to avoid those pesky checkpoints.
(5) I'll "share" broadband with my neighbour without his knowledge.
(6) I'll do some door to door evening consultancy work with an attractive vat rate of 0%.
(7) I'll have 6 rotating aliases to give the TV Licence Inspector when he calls around.

they heard all the excuses and none of them work

Oink

UglyFuc wrote: »

they heard all the excuses and none of them work

We just haven't found the right one yet.:D

Pherekydes

How many Helen Lovejoys are there?

She's my kind of woman: I'll take one.

OP: There's someone outside siphoning fuel out of your tank. Ya never thought of that.

SugarHigh

UglyFuc wrote: »

they heard all the excuses and none of them work

Actually all of them work because the TV license inspector is a pussy.

Rabidlamb

Pherekydes wrote: »

How many Helen Lovejoys are there?

She's my kind of woman: I'll take one.

OP: There's someone outside siphoning fuel out of your tank. Ya never thought of that.

Just leave me enough to get to the next garage & I'm happy.
The rest is for the courts to decide.

Rabidlamb

SugarHigh wrote: »

Actually all of them work because the TV license inspector is a pussy.

The fake name thing used work like a treat back in our rental days.
Damn you home ownership, damn you.
Once your on the grid eh.

flyton5

You'll have to be sure that when you alter your plates the one's you steal are from an insured car. Those pesky ANPR(automatic number plate recognition) devices are mounted on many a squad car these days and you dont want the Guards pissing on your recession beating parade....

Also consider syphoning fuel from your neighbours cars instead of doing drive offs. Considerably less risk involved. Just remember to save the mint for after.

Rabidlamb

flyton5 wrote: »

You'll have to be sure that when you alter your plates the one's you steal are from an insured car. Those pesky ANPR(automatic number plate recognition) devices are mounted on many a squad car these days

I'd heard that there was actually only one of these in use in the state & it never leaves the capital.
Cutbacks meant they never rolled them out nationwide.

ejmaztec

Rabidlamb wrote: »

Just leave me enough to get to the next garage & I'm happy.
The rest is for the courts to decide.

Too bad when the filling stations ask for money up front, like many of them are doing now.

starbelgrade

Rabidlamb wrote: »

I'd heard that there was actually only one of these in use in the state & it never leaves the capital.
Cutbacks meant they never rolled them out nationwide.

They remind me of those "security cameras" they put on Dublin Buses years ago. It later turned out that none of them had cameras installed in the boxes because they hadn't got the cash to fit them out.

flyton5

Rabidlamb wrote: »

I'd heard that there was actually only one of these in use in the state & it never leaves the capital.
Cutbacks meant they never rolled them out nationwide.

Pesky cutbacks.

Rabidlamb

ejmaztec wrote: »

Too bad when the filling stations ask for money up front, like many of them are doing now.

That's only after 11pm in certain areas.
I'd be home by then.