sexist colleague

lorem ipsum

Hi all,

Just looking for some advice here. I'm a woman and I work with and share an office with a guy. He is very sexist to put it mildly. Up until now its pretty much only been me who seen and heard his sexist attitude. In the office this morning another female colleague was talking to us about a job. She mentioned that the client she is dealing with has very bad english and finds its very difficult to work out what she means in emails. He then said that she must have been hired for her looks (she was recently hired by the client company). This shocked us both. He then went downstairs to my female colleagues office (I wasn't there) and said the same thing about another woman just hired by different client.

He has told me in the past that I cannot work with him because I can't work with men ( I have several other male colleagues I have no problem working with) which I have reported to my boss.

I'm just wondering if there is anything that could be done about this? I've said nothing to him directly about this, but he did offend both me and my female colleague today. I don't think either her or me a very sensitive but it is a fairly extreme thing to say to woman colleagues.

Any advice would be very helpful thanks.

gollem_1975

lorem ipsum wrote: »

Hi all,

Just looking for some advice here. I'm a woman and I work with and share an office with a guy. He is very sexist to put it mildly. Up until now its pretty much only been me who seen and heard his sexist attitude. In the office this morning another female colleague was talking to us about a job. She mentioned that the client she is dealing with has very bad english and finds its very difficult to work out what she means in emails. He then said that she must have been hired for her looks (she was recently hired by the client company). This shocked us both. He then went downstairs to my female colleagues office (I wasn't there) and said the same thing about another woman just hired by different client.

He has told me in the past that I cannot work with him because I can't work with men ( I have several other male colleagues I have no problem working with) which I have reported to my boss.

I'm just wondering if there is anything that could be done about this? I've said nothing to him directly about this, but he did offend both me and my female colleague today. I don't think either her or me a very sensitive but it is a fairly extreme thing to say to woman colleagues.

Any advice would be very helpful thanks.

well just to give you another perspective on this (male)

I don't think its an "extreme" thing to say to a colleague.

And from experience women sometimes say a lot worse about other female employees.

However I would say that if you are offended by it speak to HR and ask for their advice. If they are professional they will keep the discussion confidential.
If there is no HR and your in a small company then you probably should just give as good as you get.
tell him "well what did they hire you for then?"

Clauric

This is a fairly straight forward case of sexism, harassment and bullying.

In your situation, I would send an email to your boss, and to the head of HR, detailing what your colleague has said, when they said it, and who was present when they said it. I would also get your other colleagues, both male and female to report anything that they have heard or being on the receiving end from this person.

I would remind your boss and HR that sexual harassment is against the law, and can lead to the person causing the sexual harassment, the boss to whom it was reported, the HR manager, and the company being sued under the Equal Status Act (see here, and here as well).

Clauric

gollem_1975 wrote: »

If there is no HR and your in a small company then you probably should just give as good as you get.
tell him "well what did they hire you for then?"

Under no circumstances should you follow this advice!! It may lead to you being fired for sexual harassment, and bullying (it is a two way street).

Denerick

Clauric wrote: »

This is a fairly straight forward case of sexism, harassment and bullying.

No its not. Its a fairly straight forward case of a man acting like a twat and consistently getting away with it. And its certainly not harassment - when you overuse these words the crime loses meaning when it actually is a problem. Bloody hell.

Tell the manager about it and he will get a verbal warning. That should clean his act up.

looksee

So if he was working with a male who is gay, it would be ok for him to say 'well you wouldn't expect a nancy boy to be able to do the job'? Or if he was working with a black person he could say 'n

---

aren't smart enough to do office work'. It is pretty much the same thing, to pick on someone because they are different from him and use that difference to make offensive remarks.

The OP's description is of a young (or thinks he is) white male who is under the impression that he and people like him are the centre of the universe and everyone else just has bit parts. He is creating problems in the running of the business as he is effectively refusing to work with some people, while giving the impression that they are the ones with the problem.

He is an obnoxious bigot who needs to be sorted.

As a first move maybe just say 'I find your attitude towards me and women in general very offensive, and I am asking you to act in a more professional manner'. He will probably come back with - 'I'm only joking, jeez have you no sense of humour'. Just reply - no, I don't have a sense of humour in the office and could you be more professional. If he persists in that vein, don't respond, but write it down (let him see you doing it ) and keep a diary of his comments for a couple of weeks then decide whether you want to pursue it.

Denerick

looksee wrote: »

So if he was working with a male who is gay, it would be ok for him to say 'well you wouldn't expect a nancy boy to be able to do the job'? Or if he was working with a black person he could say 'n

---

aren't smart enough to do office work'. It is pretty much the same thing, to pick on someone because they are different from him and use that difference to make offensive remarks.

Of course he can say those things:rolleyes:*

How you can link what this man has done with harassment is beyond me. Sexual harassment is a serious crime and this (imbecile) is not guilty of it.

*I hope you can read the sarcasm

lorem ipsum

Hi all,

Thanks for all your comments. I don't think that you could class my colleague's actions as sexual harassment, but he certainly is sexist. Everyone is entitled to there opinions but they should exercise some judgement about when and to whom they express them. I posted this really to gauge if his comments are generally unacceptable in a work environment, which I think they are.

It is a small company and we have no HR department but I will bring his comments up with my boss.

I agree completely with what looksee says, you couldn't make those comments about a gay man or a black person. He is however far from young, he is well into his 40s and really ought to know better.

I am nearly 15 years younger than him and I am just fed up with him undermining my ability in work in this way. I know the comment was not about me, but you can clearly read the implication. Also he is a new edition to the company so its not like I'm not 'muscling' in on his turf, I just don't really understand his attitude.

Thanks to everyone for their replies.

gollem_1975

Clauric wrote: »

Under no circumstances should you follow this advice!! It may lead to you being fired for sexual harassment, and bullying (it is a two way street).

you should have capitalised MAY - realistically what are the chances a young woman is going to be fired for "harassing" a fella old enough to be her dad ?
And on the grounds of making a comment similar to what I suggested i'd say even less likely ?

gollem_1975

lorem ipsum wrote: »

Hi all,
he certainly is sexist. Everyone is entitled to there opinions but they should exercise some judgement about when and to whom they express them.

agree with you there.

It is a small company and we have no HR department but I will bring his comments up with my boss.

you have a better idea of the culture within your organisation so if thats what you need to do and thats what you think will make the work environment more pleasant then you go girl!

I agree completely with what looksee says, you couldn't make those comments about a gay man or a black person. He is however far from young, he is well into his 40s and really ought to know better.

It would be the same as saying they must have hired that gay bloke for his looks or they must have hired that black guy for his looks... any other similarities are irrelevant imo.

I mean your female colleague herself said that the client employees work was not of an acceptable standard. If he had said it was because she was thick would it have been any better ?

the fact that he is 40 says a lot - he is in the demographic that don't "know better" .. he may have missed out on the PC culture in his formative years.

check out the program Mad Men for a stylised version of what working in an office would have been like in the past!

I am nearly 15 years younger than him and I am just fed up with him undermining my ability in work in this way. I know the comment was not about me, but you can clearly read the implication. Also he is a new edition to the company so its not like I'm not 'muscling' in on his turf, I just don't really understand his attitude.

maybe you feel he is "muscling in" on your turf..and changing the dynamic in the office which is making you feel uncomfortable ( thats perfectly natural btw )
from the sounds of it first impressions being what they are I'd wager you will never like working with this guy.

good luck!

looksee

OP, don't feel you are being patronised in any way. (:rolleyes: look out for the sarcasm). Unfortunately when he says this kind of thing in the pub all the guys obediently fall about laughing, so he doesn't get chance to learn manners.

Denerick

looksee wrote: »

OP, don't feel you are being patronised in any way. (:rolleyes: look out for the sarcasm). Unfortunately when he says this kind of thing in the pub all the guys obediently fall about laughing, so he doesn't get chance to learn manners.

Who is patronising the OP?

tenchi-fan

It sounds like a bit of banter to be honest.
We say a lot worse at work - it is a professional job & most in the office are <35. What that guy said sounds pretty mild.

I have worked with women before who got offended over everything and went around telling tales and forming clicks with other similarly bitter women.. it was a horrible environment to work in.

eire2009

lorem ipsum wrote: »

Hi all,

Just looking for some advice here. I'm a woman and I work with and share an office with a guy. He is very sexist to put it mildly. Up until now its pretty much only been me who seen and heard his sexist attitude. In the office this morning another female colleague was talking to us about a job. She mentioned that the client she is dealing with has very bad english and finds its very difficult to work out what she means in emails. He then said that she must have been hired for her looks (she was recently hired by the client company). This shocked us both. He then went downstairs to my female colleagues office (I wasn't there) and said the same thing about another woman just hired by different client.

He has told me in the past that I cannot work with him because I can't work with men ( I have several other male colleagues I have no problem working with) which I have reported to my boss.

I'm just wondering if there is anything that could be done about this? I've said nothing to him directly about this, but he did offend both me and my female colleague today. I don't think either her or me a very sensitive but it is a fairly extreme thing to say to woman colleagues.

Any advice would be very helpful thanks.

He was only having a Steffi Graf babes .. Av you got nothing else to worry about, I'm sure the girl in question has had a lot worse said about her, its a partial complement if you ask me