struggling to deal with ex moving on

LegacyUser

I suppose you could say that my ex treated me badly throughout our relationship, I couldn't see it at the time because I was so madly in love with him but all my friends and family could.

Basically he used to do what he wanted when he wanted regardless of my feelings. Selfish I suppose is the word you would use to describe him.

I have just found out that he has a new girlfriend and it was like a kick in the teeth. It still hurts like hell. I would never go back to this guy but I'm just wondering why is it effecting me so much? It's all I can think about. I'm so upset and depressed all the time. I am so upset to think that he is happy now and I'm not especially after the way he treated me. I want him to suffer too, is that messed up? I know that's an awful way to think. Do you think he is treating his new girlfriend the same way that he treated me?

To make matters worse my ex owes me money and he hasn't been in contact to tell me when he is going to pay it back even though I have asked for it back. It infuriates me that he owes me money yet he is swanning around with this new one. I'm such a mess over this, what should I do???

LighterGuy

Thats the funny thing about breaking up with someone ... even if we dont want to get back with them, it hurts when we see or hear they are with someone else.

as screwed up as it sounds, a breakup is like a battle. first one to be happy and move on wins it almost seems like.

its perfectly natural for you to be depressed at this. He has someone else, you're still in limbo not having anyone yourself.


as for the money issue, if he hasnt already gave it back. Its likely you'll never get it back. If you push him to get it back further now, you'll just be smacked more in the face about his new GF. My advise is if it was only a small amount... i'd forget it. And never think of him.

LegacyUser

I see what you mean about the money, but it's over €500, I'm not prepared to let him away with taking that money from me and never paying it back. Is he not ashamed of himself for owing me this money and not paying me back?!

LegacyUser

Hey,

The very same thing happened to me a number of years ago with an ex boyfriend, he owed me a few hundred and I was only 20 at the time so wasn't exactly flush with money that I could just forget about it, it infuriated me that he thought he could just ignore and not pay it back, he would make out like I was insane constantly calling him making out that I was desperate to talk to him, eh no I just wanted my money back, men are such assholes sometimes. In the end my brother had to call around to his place of work, he waited at reception to speak to him but he wouldn't come out, did the trick though, he set up a standing order and paid me back 50 per week until it was paid off.
Perhaps in your situation, send him a letter giving him the option to pay you back in installments if he cannot afford to pay you in one go and advise him that you will be contacting a solicitor about it if you do not get an agreement. A solicitor letter won't cost much, €20 or something, a verbal contract is as much binding as a written one, don't let him away with it, he needs to go that you won't let it lie.

LighterGuy

500 euro is a bit steep...
thats too much money to just let go of.

that means you have to get it off him. clearly he doesnt ever intend to pay. so you might be talking solicitor here.

i'd just get in contact with him and say that its 500 euro, not pocket change. lets just both live our own lives but you still owe me the money first. If need be i'll get a solicitor involved.

I can almost guranatee he will respond by saying he is broke and doesnt have it. Lies. Just say you'll give him 4 weeks to pay back in all, or at least the majority.

The fact now is you two broke up, you're not friends, he clearly isnt ever going to pay you back .... time for "playing nice" is well gone. Get the money off him and dont look back.