Monday

MonkieSocks

No one believes seniors...everyone thinks they are senile.

An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school.

It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet.

Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home.

There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.

Andy said, "We've got to give it back."

Sally said, "Finders keepers."

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, and knock on the door.

"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"

Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.

One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday.”

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

________________________

A farmer named Seamus had an accident with a lorry ,and was suing the lorry company.

In court their hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus..

Solicitor
'Now didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' .

Seamus
'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the...'

Solicitor
'I didn't ask for any details',
'Just answer the question.
Did you not tell the police officer, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Seamus
'Well, I had just got Bessie into the sidecar and I was driving down the road....'


The solicitor interrupted again and said,
'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine.
Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client.
I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor:

'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded.

'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the sidecar and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit me right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

I was hurt very bad like, and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning.

I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up.

He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.

After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the policeman came charging across the road, gun still in hand, looked me up and down, and said,

'How badly are you hurt?'

'Now what the fook would you have said'?