Kiss????????

MacAva

Can a drunken kiss in a serious 3 year relationship be forgiven???????????

Ickle Magoo

Of course it can - much worse has been forgiven within relationships much longer but whether a specific person will forgive anything within their specific relationship is entirely up to them.

Is this a relationship issue for you?

Eircom_Sucks

i personally dont think it can

drunken excuse is always the thing to blame , how do u know he was drunk ??

your never that drunk that you don't know what you did.

if my oh did that , i'd be gone

if you dont respect yourself how can u expect others too ?

diamondp

be the one to tell your partner and theres a big chance of forgiveness i would say. Someone else telling would only add to any bad feeling caused by the situation.

actuallylike

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

your never that drunk that you don't know what you did.

Woh nellie! I beg to differ m'lady.

OP, completely depends on the situation. Was it with someone they knew and were they equally drunk? Was it a randomer? How drunk was he/she? How did you find out? And most importantly, it also depends on your personal tolerance and your belief in the relationship.

Asking a bunch of strangers on an internet forum what they would do should not influence your decision in the slightest. I think it's time for a little talk with your OH and don't let other people's advice in any way influence your decision, it's your life and your relationship, your choice. Good luck.

EDIT
By the way, I'm writing the above assuming you're the one who wasn't kissing, if you were...well you dirty little scamp you ;-)

who what when

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

i personally dont think it can

drunken excuse is always the thing to blame , how do u know he was drunk ??

your never that drunk that you don't know what you did.

if my oh did that , i'd be gone

if you dont respect yourself how can u expect others too ?

What makes you think it was a he???

Odaise Gaelach

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Of course it can

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

i personally dont think it can

MacAva, it depends on the person that needs to do the forgiving. Some people are willing to overlook it or work through it. Others might find that the damage to their trust is irrecoverable. There isn't a right or wrong answer, it's just depends on that person.

Can you elaborate on why you're asking this question?

MacAva

My OH cheated on me. It was a 'drunken kiss that meant nothing'. It was out of character but I cant help but shiver when i think about it.

I wont go into detail but we're serious. We most definitely had a future. Personally I find it hard to trust anyone, for different reasons and it was a long time building that trust between me and him. He says he was too drunk to know what he was doing but stopped it.

Can you really be too drunk to kiss someone else when you're so happy and in love??? Cause I find that really hard to comprehend but can someone else shed some light on this? Has anyone else had this experience? Do you ever really know your partner? Cause I thought i did but i was wrong!!

He is sorry and will do anything and wants to be with no1 else but me...blah blah blah! Is this enough??? Maybe everyone is different but I sure as hell would never find myself in that situation and Ive been drunk??
As much as I love him and he is my life and I really cant see my future without him but I dont know if I will ever forget this....

Ickle Magoo

I would never cheat on my partner - and never have and I've been pretty legless on occasion. I wouldn't be able to forgive or forget if my partner cheated on me, as far as I'm concerned it's too big a world to have to tie yourself to someone who has so little respect for you and your relationship that they can't even keep their hands or tongue to themselves with a couple of jars on board. I think the whole "alcohol made me" is just a weak cop-out.

In saying that, this isn't about me and what my boundaries of acceptable and forgiveable behaviour are. It's about you. Can you forgive and forget?

LegacyUser

MacAva, im sorry you're going through this, its really tough when your partner betrays you, whether its a kiss or a full blown affair, its the betrayal that hurts the most.

did he tell you or did you find out? i think if he told you then at least thats something. if he didnt then thats probably adding to your hurt more than the actual kiss itself.

having found out rather than being told in my situation, i know that him keeping it from me just added to the betrayal and hurt. had he told me id still have been hurt but not as much as knowing he continued on with the lying and distrust.

i think the 'i was drunk' excuse is pathetic. yes you can be drunk enough to do stupid things but dont blame a kiss on the drink, the majority of people would never dream of kissing someone else regardless of how drunk they are so chances are drink just makes it easier for you to justify what you wouldnt do when sober. thats my opinion- not necessarily right, just how i see it.

i think he should be a man and admit what he did was wrong- no 'but i was drunk' at the end, just 'i was wrong im sorry'. if he can do that then maybe you can work it out. but i think as long as hes cheapening his apology with the excuse of alcohol then hes not genuinely admitting to what he did. i do understand that he may not have done it without alcohol but at the end of the day, he did it, he chose to get that drunk and he chose to kiss her. so HE should be sorry, not blame the drink.

i think if he seems genuinely sorry for what he did and hurting you- and not just sorry he got caught and then blaming the drink- then maybe you can work it out. but it wont be easy. at all. you'll probably feel insecure and you may not trust him the way you did before, and he needs to know this before you try to work it out. theres nothing worse than taking back someone who betrayed you, and then them getting frustrated when you have insecurities about them and other girls! (its entirely understandable that he does but thats a consequence he has to deal with) it wont help at all if hes not willing to give you time. its hard to come to terms with the fact that your boyfriend did something with another girl, not only for what he did, but because they shared something together that hurt you. it hurts like hell. and it wont get better straight away but thats not to say he cant help you make it better if you want him to. so just let him know that if he does still want you that you wont be a barrel of laughs and you'll prob be a bit of a bitch!

for me it was hard because my partner was the father of my child and my best friend so when he did it i couldnt go to my best friend for help! it might be similar for you, i dunno. theres no rules on whether or not you should forgive him. if you love him and want him then theres no point in punishing yourself and losing out on that just because you think thats how he should be punished for his actions. do you get me? if you feel you can work it out then give it a try. but dont feel like you should forgive and forget straight away. your heart takes time to heal and you may be fine for weeks and then all of a sudden you'll resent him again for what he did but its all part of the process.

you wont forget it, it will always be there in your head, but if you work through it together then it'll be the thing that made you two stronger. you may not forget it but you can forgive. it'll just take time. take it from someone still coming to terms with stuff like 9 months later!

yor relationship could be entirely different so my advice could be void, but thats just from my own experience, i hope it helps you a bit regardless of what you decide. it hurts now, but you will get over it, with or without him. and just remember that even though he did what he did with that girl, you're the girl hes fighting for now. too little too late i know. but if you werent better than her then he'd just leave you be and go back to her, he wouldnt bother trying with you. chin up! it does get better, the trust will prob never be the same but you may grow stronger in other ways, learn how to talk to each other more or find out new things you didnt know before. what you make of it is up to you tbh.

Wagon

MacAva wrote: »

My OH cheated on me. It was a 'drunken kiss that meant nothing'. It was out of character but I cant help but shiver when i think about it.

I wont go into detail but we're serious. We most definitely had a future. Personally I find it hard to trust anyone, for different reasons and it was a long time building that trust between me and him. He says he was too drunk to know what he was doing but stopped it.

Can you really be too drunk to kiss someone else when you're so happy and in love??? Cause I find that really hard to comprehend but can someone else shed some light on this? Has anyone else had this experience? Do you ever really know your partner? Cause I thought i did but i was wrong!!

He is sorry and will do anything and wants to be with no1 else but me...blah blah blah! Is this enough??? Maybe everyone is different but I sure as hell would never find myself in that situation and Ive been drunk??
As much as I love him and he is my life and I really cant see my future without him but I dont know if I will ever forget this....

If you can firgive him and never, ever let it interrupt your relationship again (as in never mention it agian), then i think you can both get past this. But if you can't, then it's the end of the road I'm afraid.

cinderella2010

Well were you the offender

I you are the offender and you feel guilty and it really meant nothing dont spill your guts and think of you guilt as punishment - dont spill to alleviate your own guilt that is just selfish

if you are the victim of the offender I think yes of course it can be forgiven but not without a hardtime first and plenty of making up and reassurances just to make sure it never happens again

I have never ever cheated - I couldn't live with myself if I did so I just wouldnt do it

tinkerbell

I think the excuse of "oh it was just a drunken kiss, I don't really remember it", is a complete and utter pile of crap. Sure you may be well drunk BUT you always know even when mad drunk that you have an other half and that you should not be cheating on them. Using drink as an excuse is just a cop out - to me, it's basically oh don't have the courage to cheat when sober, but can when drunk as can use the drink as an excuse. That's BS. Drinking doesn't cause you to suddenly develop amnesia and forget that you are in a relationship.

So no, I would not forgive a drunken kiss. It's the exact same as a normal kiss. Drink is just a pathetic excuse.

Zen65

MacAva wrote: »

Can a drunken kiss in a serious 3 year relationship be forgiven???????????

The question you meant to ask is "should I forgive his drunken kiss??"

There is nobody here to answer that, it's entirely up to you. But maybe to help yourself decide, you need to ask yourself these questions...

Do you believe that he loves you?

Do you believe that when you love somebody you cease to be attracted to anybody else?? Experience suggests otherwise. He must have thought this other person was attractive in some way, and there will be thousands of others who may be attractive to him in the future. Most men simply ignore the attraction, and stay faithful to their chosen partners. Alcohol can weaken resolve. It's not a great excuse, but it's not BS either.

Do you believe that what he did was just a moment of weakness, and that having made the mistake he will be wiser in future?? Most people do learn from mistakes, so it's certainly possible he has.

Will you ever be able to trust him again? Without trust, relationships fail. Unless you can put this behind you, there is no point in pretending to forgive him. But without forgiveness, there was never any love from you. So it's a matter of balancing your love for him, your forgiveness, and his resolve to not err again. If you can forgive, forgive. If you can't forgive then cut loose now, don't drag out the misery for both of you.

Be at peace,

Z