Should we stay together?

jayo76

Myself and my fiance have been together for 7 years and got engaged in May( no date set) but I think that since then we've started to have our doubts. I know that we both love each other very much and that a breakup will hurt us both really bad but in recent times our differences seem to have become more pronounced. We have had differences of opinion on the type oh house we'd like to buy,where we should buy and the hardest of all the type of wedding I want. Now I know we should probably have ironed these out very much before getting engaged. I suppose everything was alright as long as I seemed to agree with my fiances wishes which were for a small family wedding and a bigger house in an outlying area from where we would both commute to work in dublin city. However recently I'v started to realise these were not my ideal scenarios and while willing to compromise I started to question if I go along with these where is the compromise towards me, I dunno maybe Im being selfish and in the long run Id probably be okay with my future wife's wishes as i love her so much. The other thing is we are very different socially, while not a big drinker I am a social person and love meeting friends for a drink, meal etc. Im not talking about groupsof lads in this case,i mean with other couples This is something i would like to be doing as a couplewith my wife accompanying me but she is very quiet and uncomfortable doing this. For a long time i suppose I excused myself from various social gatherings but am now a bit more resentful of this. My wife has started to say maybe we are too different and maybe we are, did the differences not emerge before just because I stayed quiet? However she also says she loves me, I love her and I still hope that thats enough but are our differnces too big??

AnnyHallsal

You need to take your doubts seriously. I don't mean break up but maybe a few days apart so you can both decide if you want to spend the rest of your lives together.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

Relationships are all about compromise but I wouldn't be in such a rush to call it a day.

You need to thrash out all these issues before taking another step towards marriage and make sure you have a short, medium and long term plan you are both happy to work towards without resentment. Put all you cards on the table, your future wife should know all your hopes, dreams and fears and you hers. If you have polar opposite opinions on relationship issues then you need to discuss, discuss, discuss and come to a mutual compromise. If either of you won't or can't budge on a compromise then you have to come to an agreement that you are both genuinely happy with, a bit of give on that issue for a bit of take on another, type thing.

Being different and wanting different things doesn't have to be a huge issue unless you can't talk about it, go along with things for an easy life and allow resentment to build.

Best of luck.

astra2000

Hi op I would see the social issue as been the biggest of the problems you mention. I think you both need to have a serious talk about how you see your married life paning out. If you are sociable and your gf would rather not go out how long before you start resenting her for not been able to meet up with friends or she starts resenting you for dragging her along? Will she be happy for friends/family to be regular visitors to your home or try and keep it to just the two of you. It is one thing not been able to socialise for a period of time, even if it is an extended period, due to circumstances saving/lack of funds/kids but could you really see yourself stopping socialising or doing so with other couples on your own? Now dont get me wrong I am not a social butterfly and with 3 kids getting out is not easy but when the opportunity/babysitter/money arises we love to get out. Also we would be very sociable and family and friends are free and welcome to call as we are to them we do not live in each others pockets by any means but see them on a regular basis. Now I believe that if either of us were like your wife it would make things hard for the other. You really need to think seriously about this before resentment kicks in and their is no saving your relationship. Best of luck

LegacyUser

would it be that you were the one who always tried to please her by suppressing your own opinions on issues?

so, now, the dramatic change coming wake up your resentment because you 'sacrifice' too much.

talk with her as soon as possible.