Help with friends who's depressed?

cooltown

Hi! I have posted here before and got excellent advice! I am 18 so is my friend! I have being depressed over my sexuality for a while and other issues in my life and I do find it hard but I am getting on with life. I know I'm not happy now buy I know someday that i'll find a nice guy and it will all be ok!
The thing is my friend ed has being depressed for since december. I am doing my best with him. I am always doing my best for him. He often rings me and 3 r 4 o clock in the morning and I am there for him. He has issues with his weight and looks etc. I tell him at hr looks great and that someday he'll find somebody who loves him for who he is. I also tell him that he is only 18 and he has a long life ahead of him. He had mojor problems with his weight back in March and I helped him to work through it.
We are both going ino 6th year in september and we can go to the debs that we did T.Y and we have the option to go to this one as well. I decided that I wasn't going to go. He decided he was tough. He said that he would find somebody. Everybody he asked said no! I told him not to worry and it would be ok. I said that the debs doesn't matter and I said nobody cares about it! He found a girl eventually and she said yes. I never wantedd him to go with her because I knew she was a pure bi*tch! He was really happy anyway and I said it grand he's happy and thats all that counts. This was last week. He brought her shopping paid her for her dress, shoes make-up etc. He booked a limo and two rooms in the hotel. He was really happy and excited. He rented his tuc's etc and it was the happiest that I've seeing him in months. Last night the girl phoned him and said thanks for the dress, make up,etc but I'm not going with you. I'm going witth xxx. I'm really pissed with her. I knew she was no good. I've being talking to him for hours now trying to calm him down but I don't know what to do. I haven't seeing him this bad! What should I do?

Ickle Magoo

What a horrible girl. Does he have any other friends or siblings you could speak to? Failing that could you let his parents know? There is only so much you can do and I don't think calling you at 3 or 4 in the morning is sustainable. If he needs help then he needs to get professional help.

Oh and get him to ask for the dress and make up back or ask for her number and you do that, might make you feel better!

All the best.

Annasopra

Cooltown, I think your friend might need some professional help such as a doctor or counsellor

Agent J

Ouch. The lesson that some people are nothing but using SOBs is a very tough one to have to learn.

I think they might consider seeing a counsellor. You cannot take that role for your friend no matter how well intentioned you are. It sounds like you have gone well above and beyond up to this point but you need to consider the strain it puts on you.

cooltown

Agent J wrote: »

Ouch. The lesson that some people are nothing but using SOBs is a very tough one to have to learn.

I think they might consider seeing a counsellor. You cannot take that role for your friend no matter how well intentioned you are. It sounds like you have gone well above and beyond up to this point but you need to consider the strain it puts on you.

If i'm being honest it does put alot of strain on me. I am always worried that he might do something stupid. I do feel tough that if I was to tell somebody about his issues that i'll be breaking his trust!

Agent J

cooltown wrote: »

If i'm being honest it does put alot of strain on me. I am always worried that he might do something stupid. I do feel tough that if I was to tell somebody about his issues that i'll be breaking his trust!

Lifeguard principle applies.

You must take priority. If you are unable to function then you are unable to help anyone. More importantly you are not responable for his actions and nor should you be.

If he keeps confiding in you then possibly say " Look, im at my limit here.. I cant be your counsellor. I care about you but i am not trained for this. I think you need someone who is trained for this"

Or something like that.

CiaranMT

Been in a similar situation a while ago (apart from the lovely thoughtful young wan).

From experience, and stuff I should've done... Encourage him to see counsellors, professionals, whatever. Also, telling his parents wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.