Breaking up with someone you love

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm not sure what has quite taken me to write this, but I'm told talking is therapy...

During the week vie broken up with the woman I love dearly for several years. We both love one another but I do not think we are right for one another - different approaches, and conflicting needs and wants leading to bipolar swings from great happiness to terrible arguments and sadness.

After going back and forth we had a row, one of the rows that's about something different to what's being discussed, and I grabbed a bag, packed some stuff and went.

A kind friend picked me up and gave me a bed, and I then secured a short term apartment for myself the next day. The same friend kept me company for a bit and kept my mind off of it as I was working and doing other things.

Now though I am left with my thoughts, and the presipice I felt myself standing beside has come upon me. Tears of mourning and regret are coming from me at random moments, I'm pacing up and down and feeling terrible.

She is also very upset. We love one another very much. It would be the easiest thing in the world to go home to her, and I know we would have a week or two, maybe a month, of happiness and then the underlying issues would be back. We've been there time and again of late.

I miss her, and much as not wanting to lose her I don't want her to hate me or... Well, I miss her.

I think I need to be strong and fight through it to the other side when things get a bit easier. But looking at things like taking out a longer term, more suitable, lease; or moving my stuff, seems so permanent too.

I read something that sums it up, "You feel like you're in mourning for a friend who has died, but whom you could have saved."

We have had such happy times and I love her very much. But our relationship is destructive to us both, to her confidence and happiness, and I to mine. But I still miss her very much.

Thank you for listening, I just thought I needed to say something.

Bottle_of_Smoke

You probably did the right thing but if you wanted to give it one last go you could maybe go to relationship counselling. Could help with underlying issues. I wouldn't go back without a plan like that though.

And prob best to wait a month whilst being "seperated" before doing that.

Supercell

Op, you need to focus on the resons why you did split up with her. From reading your post it seems to me that you did it for the right reasons

our relationship is destructive to us both, to her confidence and happiness, and I to mine

I split up with a girl I knew loved me and who I loved a lot too, but we argued, and little things about her habits irritated me hugely towards the end, there was no way long term that we would have been right for eachother even though we liked eachother greatly in the good times.

I occasionally look back at out pictures together and think that she was so pretty and how nice we looked together, but I know we would have been miserable long term and it was the right thing to do for both of us to split up.

OP it sucks splitting up with someone you love but sometimes its the right thing to do, you did the right thing.

miec

Hi Op

I can really understand how you are feeling, having been in the same boat as yourself. My ex and I had what I term a bipolar relationship, it swung from us being wonderful with each other to being absolutely horrible, a genuine relationship cannot function in that environment, the stress involved with arguements and then getting on is too much for anyone, you have done the right thing. Like you I am biting the bullet but feel desperate pain because fundamentally I like my ex and I know what drives his demons but he is not willing to work on them and we rub each other up the wrong way. I can only say take each day as it comes, get a permanent space and take time out to heal, it is what I am doing at the moment. I feel miserable but I know overall it is the healthiest thing and it leaves me free (eventually that is) to find someone more suitable for me.

LegacyUser

Hi ,

You seem torn between what is best and what you want. I am just a few days in the same boat myself, me being the one who was left behind.

You need to ask yourself is she worth it? yes couples have issues, can these be fixed or resolved? yes we fight, but if you really love her seek councelling and see if it works. Before you do any of this take some time on your own, get way from everything and try and find out what it is that makes you happy.

Nobody said love was easy, or that relationships are easy, but if you really love her then maybe you just need to work it out.

Take Care