What's the etiquette here?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
Not a huge prolem but just looking for some input really. My best friend from 100years ago, grandma died yesterday and i was wondering what the etiquette is in terms of acknowledging it. We were inseparable back in the day but fell out for reasons which are long forgotten and not an issue by any means now. (teenage angst ).

Anyway she moved abroad to work shortly after and i would only see her family members from time to time, and past the time of day with. while we were friends we spent a lot of time in her grans house (given it was in centre of town etc) and i feel the need to be respectable enough to acknowledge her passing. i'm not one of these ppl who friend requests ppl just cause i went to school with them or met them once in passing, i always find it kinda strange when ppl do that. but i guess my question is, how do you think she would gauge it. i was going to just send her an f.b. message expressing my condolences, not one that requires a response or anything and not a friend request.

do you think she would think, wtf ? i mean after 15 years.....and it's not like it's her mother, its her grand ma. I have no grandparents so i'm not sure it would be appropriate .

niceoneted

Is the funeral over? If not and you are still living locally I would go to that - removal part maybe.
I would sent a sympathy card. I would expect that you have some fond memories from that time in childhood when you were with your then best friend and in her grannys.

astra2000

Are you in a position to pop into the funeral home and express your sympathies there. It is amazing and how very good irish people are at going to funerals and it is always appreciated by the family. When one of my grandparents died quiet a few years ago I was suprised by the amount of old schoolfriends who turned up and it was much appreciated. In turn I made more of an effort to do the same and It made me realise that this is something people young and old do as a mark of respect. If you cant get to funeral home/church you could send a sympathy card to the whole family giving that you say you spent a lot of time in the ladies home in the past. Do not send her a facebook message totally inappropriate imho. I personally would rather receive no message of condolance rather than someone contacting me out of the blue on fb to offer condolences .

m'lady

I would totally agree with the above replies, I would try and go to the removal, and if not possible sent a sympathy card. When my grandmother passed away I was amazed (and comforted) with the amount of past friends that had actually turned up, so much so, that now I would definitely make more of an effort when I hear of a death in a family of a past friend etc..

P.S. I totally agree with astra2000, a message through f/book is a thoughtless and disrespectful way of expressing condolonces.

banshee_bones

I would attend the removal if possible and or send a sympathy card. I was in a similar position when my dad died and my friend approached me with a sympathy card and an apology and I accepted. We fell out over something really silly aswell and we were bothe being stubborn and this just provided an opportunity and we both took it.

LegacyUser

hi, op here again. no when i say she died yesterday, i mean i found out yesterday (obit in paper) so the funeral was on the day i read it. also i don't have her address, like i said she lives abroad. likewise her mum remarried and moved elswhere, the only contact i would have would be her grans house and shes been in a home for some time from what i can gather and i have no idea who of the many extended family got the house, so if it were to send to that address, they wouldn't know me from adam. given those details, i thought it would be understandable to e mail.......tbh my issue wasn't if she'd find an fb message appropriate, rather, if she'd find the fact i condoled at all appropriate after all this time and the fact we were friends when we were kids not adults (12 -18)

LegacyUser

Hi, I would send a message along the lines of you were very sorry to read of your friend's granny's death, you have such happy memories of being in her house as a child (include anything in particular) and what a lovely person she was etc, hope all is well with them and their family. That couldn't possibly be taken badly and your friend then has the option to friend request you if they want.

Hope it goes well