Just found out my father won't pay for my college

Dafydd Thomas

So the heading says it all. I've applied for a grant but because of my father (who owns a pub and a cleaning business) I don't think I'll get it.

I didn't pass the portfolio for Limerick Architecture unfortunately, but I'm off to Dublin, DIT. I'm 60 points clear so I should be ok.

I was considering taking a year out, but then I'd be 21 leaving my first year, if I did that and architecture is a long haul.

I was also considering a loan but I have no money as it is, no job and I don't know how it works. Luckily my mother is supportive but she doesn't have the money to be sending me to Dublin.

Is anyone in a similar situation or have any advice?

LadyGaga!

You should still apply for the grant, you may get it. Maybe try talk to your dad and ask to borrow the money? In the end you're going to just have to look for a job, there really is no easy way out.

gbee

It is a catch 22 situation, your application will or may depend on your father's income and tax returns.

Now this is a silly situation as you are an adult and should be able to stand on your own, sadly it is the biggest reason why children leave home, to get independence [not necessarily from their own parents, but from the myriad of bureaucratic land-mines laid out to make young peoples' lives as miserable as possible.]

Mr. Presentable

He may not have it - a lot of businesses, pubs included, are on their uppers.

You may still qualify for support with the fees. Apply. The worst they can do is decline.

Dafydd Thomas

I have applied but the accountant said more than likely we won't get it. My father doesn't know how the CAO works and is trying to get me into UL, which isn't going to happen.

Akanthia

The situation sucks I know . I guaruntee my parents will be the same in two years.

here are the solutions I can think of:

If your really serious and plan to do quite well in DIT, apply for a student loan. I know it sounds harsh that you'll be in debt, but line up as many summer and weekend jobs as you can. you should be able to get around 4k if you work hard which will cover some of your living costs.

Take a gap year and save as much money as you can and stick to a strict budget during term.

apply for grants, you could get them.

if you get a summer job and show you dad you are responsible, maybe he would agree to loan the money for the first year and pay it off with the money you get next summer.

there is no easy way out of this situaton, you will just have to wor extra hard. good luck and I hope you get DIT.:)

Moonbeam

Are you parents divorced or legally separated?
Can you work for him and get paid for it so you have money for college?
Have you sat down and spoken to him about why he won't pay?Maybe a chat between the 3 of you would help?

Well done for getting the course:)

Dafydd Thomas

No, they are not seperated.

He asked me earlier for all the details about UL, the course, the code, the points, what I got. There is no way they will let me in and he's making it worse for himself by trying and then failing.

The reason he won't pay is 'money' related but I'm very sure he can. Most people can't fully afford college but they just do it anyway.

A loan seems to be the only option, I was talking to my uncle and he said I might not get one since I have no job or money. I will have to do it through my mother's account, as much as I don't want to.

I'm looking for weekend job at the moment, which could pay for my food at least. I'm sure there are many more in worse situations.

A conversation would help if he was willing to have one but I can't work for him as there isn't enough work to go around.

spinandscribble

It seems as though your dad just wants you to go to UL and wants you to focus on that and forget about DIT. Are you from Limerick? He's probably trying to prevent you or him shelling out loads of money if theres another way. Did he say he wouldn't support you if you get into UL? I know its unlikely and pointless him making calls to get you in UL but he means well, probably doesnt wanna see you leave.

Sophsxxx

As long as you can get someone with a permanent job to act as guarantor on the loan they're should be no problem in getting a loan. I'm applying for a loan and getting a student account in the Ulster Bank which hopefully should set me up for the year.
You just need to look at the financial options that are available to you!:D

EabhaMae

I kind of have a situation like that. My parents would pay for my college if they could but we don't have enough money but also earn too much money to qualify for a grant! So I have to take a year out, hopefully get a job and save mucho moola.

Dafydd Thomas

spinandscribble wrote: »

It seems as though your dad just wants you to go to UL and wants you to focus on that and forget about DIT. Are you from Limerick? He's probably trying to prevent you or him shelling out loads of money if theres another way. Did he say he wouldn't support you if you get into UL? I know its unlikely and pointless him making calls to get you in UL but he means well, probably doesnt wanna see you leave.

Yes I live in Limerick, and it would have been my first choice, were I accepted. I don't think he is too concerned about me leaving, just money. Which I understand but I have been told for years and years that he works so hard to put me through college, and once I need to go there is a problem.

Curlyhatescurls

I wonder if you got your parents to legally disown you or something would you then qualify for a good grant, medical card and all that because then you will be dependent on your own means and not your parents, anyone know if this is possible?

Conor108

Curlyhatescurls wrote: »

I wonder if you got your parents to legally disown you or something

Don't think that you can do that once you're over 18 though. Well I've no idea but I'd imagine thats how it works?

Dafydd Thomas

I was thinking if you lived in an orphange all your life then the country would have no choice but to fund you through college. I dunno really.

RGDATA!

Dafydd Thomas wrote: »

I was considering taking a year out, but then I'd be 21 leaving my first year, if I did that and architecture is a long haul.

For whatever it's worth: 21 is still very young coming out of first year. As a 19 year old (or whatever you are now) you are way way overestimating how old that is. If I had to do it all again I would have taken two years out before starting college, i'd have got a lot more out of it then. If you do defer it's definitely not the end of the world and you'll likely be better off than if you go straight in.

Dafydd Thomas

RGDATA! wrote: »

For whatever it's worth: 21 is still very young coming out of first year. As a 19 year old (or whatever you are now) you are way way overestimating how old that is. If I had to do it all again I would have taken two years out before starting college, i'd have got a lot more out of it then. If you do defer it's definitely not the end of the world and you'll likely be better off than if you go straight in.

I know 21 is not old. But it takes up to 8 years to become a full architect and I'll be 27 by then. I would probably be hard pushed to find a job that would earn me enough money to look after myself for the year anyway.

username123

Dafydd Thomas wrote: »

I know 21 is not old. But it takes up to 8 years to become a full architect and I'll be 27 by then. I would probably be hard pushed to find a job that would earn me enough money to look after myself for the year anyway.

27 is still young and with the way this country is at the moment you might be better off sticking in college as long as you can while the economy recovers enough so that there will be a job when you get out.

Anyway - my 2 cents is this. Contact student services in the college you want to go to and explain the situation to them and ask them what other options are available. They will have seen dozens of these situations and will know best how to assist you. Youre going to need a part time job, preferably one that can become a full time job during holidays - but its do-able - its not easy but its do-able.

heyjude

Do whatever it takes to go to college, the benefits outweigh the costs many times over. If you can somehow get a loan, then don't dwell on what in hindsight will be a modest debt when you graduate, concentrate instead on your excellent career prospects.

Speaking from personal experience of an almost identical situation, don't let your father ruin your life, if you don't go to college now or in the near future, you'll look back in the future and realise you made a huge mistake. You've put the work in to get the points you needed, now you need to go the extra mile to make it a reality. If your father won't help, then have you any other relatives or close family friends that might be able to help ? Leave no stone unturned.

Good Luck.

koolkitty

Hey Im 21!!

Mortifyin u may ask?? Yes it is!!:p

Anyway u tink u got it bad, Il b 22 goin n2 my 2nd year!!:eek:

But in all seriousness, I can't believe ur da wont help ya out....and im sorta in d same situation tbh.. my da owns a business 2 yet its only scrapin by and I tink i may not get d grants too.

Anyway, my dad is goin 2 help me..he has 2..he has no choice LOL! so i reckon u,like me,should get a bank loan, ask ur parents 2 help u out dis year,den next summer if u ar fortunate enuf 2 get a job den ul d able 2 save up like.

The aim is 2 meet ur parents haf way rele!:D

dan_d

Student loans come in many shapes and forms OP,they may be worth investigating.

Raedwald

If your parents are separated OP, you can always say on the grant form that you are dependent on only one parent, as you are either estranged from the other or they dont pay any mantinence and this may bring you in under the financial requirements.

Cat Melodeon

If you're willing to wait one year, why not wait two and then apply as a mature student? If you are over 23 you will be assessed as an adult in your own right and could qualify for full grant. In the meantime you could either try to get a job, travel or do a PLC course in Architectural Technology to give yourself a head start for college. As a mature student, your LC results are also less important, so you could apply for LIT again or any other course that you are interested in. Your age is not really a factor, even though it might seem to you now like it is. Employers will not be too concerned about your age - mature student graduates often have better success rates in terms of career progression than traditional students as they are usually more focused and mature.

Dafydd Thomas

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

If you're willing to wait one year, why not wait two and then apply as a mature student? If you are over 23 you will be assessed as an adult in your own right and could qualify for full grant. In the meantime you could either try to get a job, travel or do a PLC course in Architectural Technology to give yourself a head start for college. As a mature student, your LC results are also less important, so you could apply for LIT again or any other course that you are interested in. Your age is not really a factor, even though it might seem to you now like it is. Employers will not be too concerned about your age - mature student graduates often have better success rates in terms of career progression than traditional students as they are usually more focused and mature.

LIT doesn't offer any architectural related course. My father has contacted a friend who is a local politician to get me into UL, it's not going to work as it's not even on my CAO.

I feel very selfish in saying i'm not prepared to start anytime but now, but i'm not. I'll find out on Monday that I have DIT (hopefully) and I'll see what my father's reaction is like. Hopefully not too negative. BOI here I come.

randylonghorn

koolkitty, please remember that textspeak is not welcome on this site, thanks.

Dafydd Thomas

I got my first choice, Architecture at DIT but my father told me if he can't get me into UL or if I don't get a grant I've to take a year out and basically save for college. I'm absolutely devastated. I feel like the whole year has been a waste.

Cat Melodeon

He won't be able to get you in to UL. The CAO system is there to avoid that sort of cronyism. So when he fails to 'get you in', will he support you in DIT then?

username123

Dafydd Thomas wrote: »

I got my first choice, Architecture at DIT but my father told me if he can't get me into UL or if I don't get a grant I've to take a year out and basically save for college. I'm absolutely devastated. I feel like the whole year has been a waste.

Why has it been a waste? You got the points you need for the course you want. So what if you have to work and save for a year? If its what you want to do then a year working and saving is nothing.

Your father wont be able to get you into UL - even if he could, you didnt even put it on your CAO so clearly youre not interested in going there.
Your father only wants to support you if you do what HE wants you to do, not what you want to do. So forget him, just work for a year (why not take the opportunity and travel and work) and then do the course you want next year. Travel is an amazing experience and may broaden your horizons further.

I know it really feels horrible now and you cant think past just getting the old man to pay for what you want, but if he doesnt it does not mean the dream is over, it just means the dream is different.

klose

Same here, im heading into town tomorow to suss out the banks and see what the story is with loans.


Also waiting on the grant, anybody know when ya hear about this?

Good luck all.

randylonghorn

Dafydd Thomas wrote: »

I got my first choice, Architecture at DIT but my father told me if he can't get me into UL or if I don't get a grant I've to take a year out and basically save for college. I'm absolutely devastated. I feel like the whole year has been a waste.

It hasn't, you've gotten your course, that's the important bit. A year working wouldn't be the end of the world ... in fact, you might find that you appreciate the college experience all the more for it, and gain more from it.

The hole in the doughnut as I see it is that he seems to assume that you will have no problem finding reasonably paid work which will allow you to save significantly ... perhaps that's a possibility through contacts or whatever, but there isn't that much of it out there just now for people straight out of LC. Given that you have to actually live for the year as well, profit (savings) may not be as significant as he seems to expect.

TrustedApple

you said your dad has a pub
why dont you ask some of the people in the bar if there is any jobs going because you might get something

Tefral

Sounds to me your father wants to keep you around Limerick to use you as cheap labour in his business' or to "keep and eye" on you.

Do you have a credit union account or a bank account with any savings?