friend ignoring my support

LegacyUser

I don't know if I'm being selfish or if I'm right to be annoyed here.
We used to sort of be one big group of friends, but then due to various reasons and drifting apart it's now become sort of two groups (with the group I'm in being just 3 of us). One friend, however has stayed equally in contact with each.
I was away last weekend and when I got back on Sunday I saw from facebook that one of this girls relatives had died. I texted her saying I hope she was ok. She never wrote back which is fair enough, obviously i wouldnt expect her to bother when shes grieving. On Monday there was a party we were all supposed to be going to (both groups) but Id had an exam that day, was still wrecked from flying home and felt sick so I couldnt go. I rang her to say I wasn't going, and in the phone call asked if she was alright, if theres anything I could do etc. She didnt say much. I texted her about various other things over those days and she never wrote back.
Later that day she put up a facebook status about being misreable and lonely. I commented saying I was there for her if she wanted to see me and I was free the next day so text me if she wanted to chat or meet up. She ignored this. I tried chatting her another day asking was she ok, and she just didn't reply.
Shes sending everyone in the other group constant facebook comments about how much she loves them, among other stuff, and she knows I'm going to see these while shes blatantly ignoring all my attempts to talk to her!
Then she put up a status mentioning all their names and thanking them for being a great support this week and telling them how much she loves them.

So have I done something wrong here that she's blatantly ignoring my attempts to comfort her? I didn't know if I should have gone to the funeral or not, but to be honest after her ignoring all my texts and facebooks I couldnt imagine she'd write back if I asked her the details. None of my friends came to the funeral when my relative died and I wouldnt have expected them to. Maybe she's annoyed about that, but it's not like I haven't tried to be there for her in other ways.

She's acted very strange in the past and does do weird things like this a lot, but i'm really hurt because I feel like I've been a bad friend somehow. Should I mail her or text her about this and ask have I done something wrong? We have to work together so I can't ignore her or anything.

astra2000

Hi op I would not mail or text her as she will probably not reply to that either. Do you feel that you can approach her in person when next you see her? She may be annoyed that you werent at the funeral or it maybe something else but you wont know unless you ask her. Stop texting and leaving comments on fb she obviously has no intention of responding. This behaviour is very hurtful for you and of course your upset but dont be hard on your self you have offered support what more can you do? You say she has acted strange in the past is this to all her friends or just you? Tbh I would say she is not a real friend, Her treatment of you is not on and I would end the friendship, but carry on been polite in work or when ye are in the comany of other friends.

R.D. aka MR.D

People seem to hold grudges over the smallest things.

I've had people stop talking to me because i didn't text them first thing in the morning on their birthday or on another occasion i could only stay at some ones party for an hour because of work.

The lesson i learned was that sometimes even if you think you are doing your best people can get annoyed at you because of their own expectations.

I say ask her and if her reason she has for this is reasonable to you try to apologise and move on. But if she refuses or still treats you like this then move on from the friendship.

iguana

She probably has lots of people sending her messages/calling right now, which while intended as supportive may actually make her feel more obligated than provide any actual help. I know when I'm in a really bad place/grieving I don't actually like getting messages that much and for the most part I ignore them. She has other friends who have actually gone out of their way to support her while she is grieving and, sorry, but that's in a completely different league.

When my grandmother died/husband was in ICU I don't remember who text/emailed me. I remember who came to the funeral/hospital and actually were there for me. Because texts/FB messages are easy, a salve to the conscience to make us feel like we are doing something without actually doing something (unless we can't actually be there due to geography, which is different). Being there is tough but it's real.

Also, she's grieving, someone she seems to love has just died. I doubt she is "blatantly ignoring" you. I suspect you just aren't on her radar.