Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

You deserve better?

  • 19-08-2010 9:13pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    When a guy you have been in a relationship with for many years tells you you deserve better and that they ain't good enough for you, is this just a means of getting out of the relationship on a good note or does that person really care about what you deserve?


Comments

  • #2
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,661 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    IME it's a cheap ploy to get out of the relationship whilst trying avoid looking like the bad guy. If he really cared about you and your feelings, he'd do what he could to change so he could provide you with what you deserved.

    A few weeks after my ex and I broke up, we met briefly and he tried that line on me. I just looked him in the eye, said "I know" and walked away.


  • #3
    darad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 109 ✭✭darad


    Maybe he does really care about what you deserve but maybe hes not happy in the relationship either. I didnt love my ex for a long time before I got the courage to leave, I didnt love him and knew he deserved someone who did. It doesnt mean he doesnt care but it does sound like the end of the relationship.


  • #4
    Red Hand
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Red Hand


    It could be many things. Maybe he has self esteem issues or is suffering from depression and cannot cope with a relationship as well (though if this is the case, then maybe he should open up).


  • #5
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Depends on context too. If the relationship has been getting stale, or people ar talking about "breaks" then I'd agree with Faith on this one. It's up there with "it's not you, it's me".

    Change context: Anniversary romantic meal, he smiles, looks at you and says "You deserve better, I'm not good enough for you and can't believe I got you". Different thing entirely. A bit daft IMHO but...

    It could be either or or something else like Jeremiah 16:1 said. Just be careful about turning a whole relationship around the axle of one phrase. Look at the relationship all over.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #6
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I agree, it depends entirely how it was phrased.

    Was it a "You deserve better, I'm not good enough, I'm such a lucky-so-and-so" or "You deserve better, I'm not good enough & I'm going to let you go so you can find the one you deserve".

    The latter is definitely a way of sweetening the announcement that a relationship is going to end but the former is just a self-depreciating compliment.


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    It could also be a fish for an ego stroke.


  • #8
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,367 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    I'd have put it slightly ahead of the "it's not you, it's me" stuff and to basically mean, I like you enough to want to let you down gently, wish you the best in life and maybe be friends some day but I don't want to go out with you any more.


  • #9
    miec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 856 ✭✭✭miec


    Like others have said it all depends on the context...but I had the whole 'you are too good for me' and the subtext was 'I am not as into you as you are into me. It kind of sounds like that to me judging from your post. I'd say grab your dignity and walk away.


  • #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks guys for all the feedback. I think the general consenus reached was that it was a means of ending the relationship on some form of a good note, and I think i agree with that conclusion myself. I've walked away, totally and completely gutted and my self confidence and self esteem has taken a severe knock but, have to pick myself up and brush myself down :)


  • #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    only your ex knows the truth, there would be 2 main schools of thought on it Darads, which wouldnt surprise me at all. or he wanted out and didnt want to look too bad...


  • Advertisement
  • #12
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    IME, when a man says that it means he cheated.


  • #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Darlughda wrote: »
    IME, when a man says that it means he cheated.

    Why do you say that???


  • #14
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    Deserve Better wrote: »
    Why do you say that???

    As I said, In my experience this is what it has always meant.

    Does not mean this is the case for you here in this instance. However, worth considering.


  • #15
    Saph
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15 ✭Saph


    I agree with Darlughda - it means he has cheated in some way and he hasn't the guts to have it out with you... any one who says that to you doesn't deserve a second thought..it's emotional blackmail of a guilty mind...

    If he's having self-esteem issues and that's the only way he can express them to you then he doesn't trust you enough to be open..that's his issue not any fault of yours.

    That's my experience. I hope you are ok.


Advertisement