do I have to finish this

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this.

With my boyfriend since January. We were together for 2 years, broke up as he was "confused". Ran into each other end of 2009 & started dating again.

We get on very well, good sex life etc. But I have asked him how he feels about me. His answers have included - he doesn't have strong feelings for me, he doesn't see me "that way" (he can't explain what he means by this), he likes me but can't say he loves me.

I'm not looking for undying protestations of love but I do want a man who has strong feelings for me!! We have argued about this, I feel we're now going around in circles.

I now feel that it's probably best for me to cut my losses & walk away. This is the right decision, right? He should be at least be able to say he has feelings for me now?

sara-lou

I think you have a fair idea what you should do, of course you should walk away. settling for somebody who has not even got strong feelings for you is just crazy. Why you should even have to ask how he feels for you is not right at all. He likes you isn't enough.

You should have a bit more respect for yourself and find somebody who will love and appreciate you. Everybody deserves that.

LegacyUser

Thanks Sara Lou. I'm a bit bewildered TBH. He did such a good job of convincing me that he did have strong feelings for me to get me to out with him again.

Now he doesn't know. Guess he never will . We were together for 3 years initally BTW.

I'm feeling very raw, we've kind of left things open. I don't even feel I want to contact him/have him contact me.

coolcat63

He's told you in several ways that he isn't going to reciprocate your feelings so, for your own self esteem and for both your sakes, you need to walk away.

It isn't his fault - or yours that you feel more than he does - and he has been honest with you so chalk it up to experience and move on.

Zen65

Melville wrote: »

I'm not looking for undying protestations of love but I do want a man who has strong feelings for me!!

..and there's lots of men out there who would, given the chance. Why are you even thinking about settling for less?

Be at peace,


Z

LighterGuy

Op,
IMO, these are red flags.
To be with someone for as long as you have and no deeper feelings have developed... that relationship is nothing.


In my experience too, when a partner gives a hazy answer about their feelings its because they have none. They only see the relationship as a "for now relationship" - which means it wont go anywhere.

People may disagree with me, but I have learned to read such things as an immediate deal breaker. I read it as the relationship will go no-where. And it hightens the factor that I could get cheated on, or to be inevidently dumped out of no where because they just want someone else they really want.

Eve_Dublin

I'd be asking myself why this guy is going out with me. Is he so afraid of being single that he'd rather go out with someone who he doesn't have strong feelings for after 3 years than be alone? That's pathetic behaviour. I couldn't be with someone who's so pathetic.

You're not going to convince him to have stronger feelings for you through arguing. Walk away.

Faith

Do you have to finish this? No.

Should you finish this? Yes.

He broke up with you after 3 years because he was "confused". He clearly didn't have strong feelings about you then, and that hasn't changed. Do you hang out with each others friends and go on dates and things? Or do you just hang out together and have sex? I'd be afraid he's just using you for sex tbh. You will never, ever get satisfaction out of this relationship, and staying in it is just getting in the way of you meeting someone who will love you with all his heart.

LegacyUser

Faith wrote: »

Do you have to finish this? No.

Should you finish this? Yes.

He broke up with you after 3 years because he was "confused". He clearly didn't have strong feelings about you then, and that hasn't changed. Do you hang out with each others friends and go on dates and things? Or do you just hang out together and have sex? I'd be afraid he's just using you for sex tbh. You will never, ever get satisfaction out of this relationship, and staying in it is just getting in the way of you meeting someone who will love you with all his heart.

I think that you've hit the nail on the head. I do feel "used". Think I'm filling a space at the moment as Eve said & all the arguments in the world won't change his feelings. Also allows him to walk away easily (thanks Lighter Guy) when he does meet somebody he really wants.

Any suggestions practicalites of getting my stuff ? Have read lots of breakup stories here when people keep meeting their Ex to talk in the hope the Ex will change their mind, Don;t want to go there.

We're due to go to a few concerts in the next few weeks, best to give him the money for the tickets & get him to give me my stuff some day at the door?? (preferably when I'm on my way out). I live on my own so can't rope in flatmate.

Thanks everybody for your help. I kind of knew what to do but he had me half convined that I was being "unreasonable & expecting too much"!

mitsy

Hi OP, any guy that uses the phrase you are being 'unreasonable and expecting too much' when all you want to know is how he feels about you is a d*ckhead in my estimation. How arrogant of him to say that, he is obviously well aware of how you feel about him so he doesnt feel the need to be honest and open with you.

You are NOT being unreasonable or expecting too much. You deserve someone to love and cherish you and let you know that everyday they are with you. If he cant offer that then it is time to accept that nothing will change in this relationship and you have to move on.

Best of luck!