Pregnant & feeling left out :-(

LegacyUser

This is probably more of a moan than anything but any comforting words would help.



I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and feeling a bit down. We haven’t even announced our pregnancy yet so I can’t really talk to anyone other than my OH and I don’t want to be making him feel bad unnecessarily.

Our group of friends is always having get-togethers for this and that and there have even been one or two in the last few weeks. Most of them involve alcohol and I can get over that. I can still go along without having to drink and it’s not so bad. Now they have started organizing other activities that someone in my condition definitely can’t partake in. In the next two months they have lined up skydiving, mountain hiking, paint-balling and some sort of day out an obstacle course thing.

I feel so left out of everything. I had planned on going along to watch the skydiving for example but it turns out the spend most of the day training and they go off to the jumpsite which is a few miles away and it’s just not even going to be possible. I’ll just be waiting around for them all day. My OH will be going, as will all my friends and I’ll be stuck home, probably being sick and miserable on my own.

I know I am feeling seriously sorry for myself and I should just cop on but I’m blue.

Any other mommies feel the same during your pregnancies? Any advice on how to stay sane would be very much appreciated.

metrovelvet

hormonal wrote: »

This is probably more of a moan than anything but any comforting words would help.



I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and feeling a bit down. We haven’t even announced our pregnancy yet so I can’t really talk to anyone other than my OH and I don’t want to be making him feel bad unnecessarily.

Our group of friends is always having get-togethers for this and that and there have even been one or two in the last few weeks. Most of them involve alcohol and I can get over that. I can still go along without having to drink and it’s not so bad. Now they have started organizing other activities that someone in my condition definitely can’t partake in. In the next two months they have lined up skydiving, mountain hiking, paint-balling and some sort of day out an obstacle course thing.

I feel so left out of everything. I had planned on going along to watch the skydiving for example but it turns out the spend most of the day training and they go off to the jumpsite which is a few miles away and it’s just not even going to be possible. I’ll just be waiting around for them all day. My OH will be going, as will all my friends and I’ll be stuck home, probably being sick and miserable on my own.

I know I am feeling seriously sorry for myself and I should just cop on but I’m blue.

Any other mommies feel the same during your pregnancies? Any advice on how to stay sane would be very much appreciated.

Pregnancy is a lonely time. You just have to get used to it.

Nevyn

I don't see why you I cant' go paint balling or hiking, and as for the sky diving book yourself a pamper day instea.

Grawns

Congratulations! and what you're feeling is normal. I remember roaring crying cause my husband was going cycling." I'm getting fat and you're getting fit - SOB!". your life is changing and it's scary. You should post in the pregnancy forum - lots of ladies there in the same boat. Your hormones and mood should settle down in the 2nd trimester when you can celebrate being pregnant

LegacyUser

thanks mods,

I can't post there anonymously so I am posting here for now. TBH there doesn't seem to be much activity anyways.

A paintball in the abdomen is dangerous for any pregnant woman, and unfortunately due to me being high risk I can't do any strenuous excercise so hiking carauntoohil is out.

I guess I just wasn't expecting it to be so lonely, the sickness and pains & getting fat I was prepared for but not this.

StarryMoon0

Congrats!
It happens to most of us i think, but not nice to go through.
I think Thayadals suggestion of a Spa day for yourself is excellent

Maybe once people are aware of the pregnancy they will plan some things that can include you? As they don't know yet, they are just planning as normal i presume. Once you tell people you will become the object of well wishes, ooohs & ahhs, and you will feel a bit better getting some attention

MissHoneyBun

StarryMoon0 wrote: »

Once you tell people you will become the object of ooohs & ahhs, and you will feel a bit better getting some attention

I know I'm gonna get shot down for this but that is just pathetic. Anyone who depends on the attention of others to feel good about themselves has issues IMO. OP, surely as a grown woman who's about to become a mother you can find your own ways of occupying your time without moaning about being left out.

metrovelvet

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I know I'm gonna get shot down for this but that is just pathetic. Anyone who depends on the attention of others to feel good about themselves has issues IMO. OP, surely as a grown woman who's about to become a mother you can find your own ways of occupying your time without moaning about being left out.

Wow. That's really mean. She was just trying to cheer up the OP.

tinkerbell

Thaedydal wrote: »

I don't see why you I cant' go paint balling or hiking, and as for the sky diving book yourself a pamper day instea.

I would imagine that paint balling wouldn't be the safest thing to do for a pregnant woman, if they hit her in that area ...

OP, look in a few weeks you can just tell your friends that you are pregnant and then you can organise a few activities which you can participate in.

Ickle Magoo

Just hang in there, OP. The time when you know you are pregnant but nobody else does can get a bit annoying - you don't want to tell the world but you end up having to turn down going out and doing some of your usual activities.

It isn't for too long, perhaps try to organise a few nights out yourself for things that would be suitable?

Best of luck.

The Recliner

Moved from PI

OP you can post anon here too

PeakOutput

i know plenty of mothers who skydived during their pregnancy,if you ask your doctor im sure he will say no and while that answer is more than likely coming from a position of ignorance its up to you if you follow your doctors advice or not, here is a thread from a skydiving forum for you to read and make up your own mind

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1543092;search_string=skydiving%20while%20pregnant;#1543092

you can definitely go paintballing and hiking and i know women who have donethese activities also while pregnant

your pregnant not crippled enjoy life

everyday taxi

hormonal wrote: »

This is probably more of a moan than anything but any comforting words would help.



I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and feeling a bit down. We haven’t even announced our pregnancy yet so I can’t really talk to anyone other than my OH and I don’t want to be making him feel bad unnecessarily.

Our group of friends is always having get-togethers for this and that and there have even been one or two in the last few weeks. Most of them involve alcohol and I can get over that. I can still go along without having to drink and it’s not so bad. Now they have started organizing other activities that someone in my condition definitely can’t partake in. In the next two months they have lined up skydiving, mountain hiking, paint-balling and some sort of day out an obstacle course thing.

I feel so left out of everything. I had planned on going along to watch the skydiving for example but it turns out the spend most of the day training and they go off to the jumpsite which is a few miles away and it’s just not even going to be possible. I’ll just be waiting around for them all day. My OH will be going, as will all my friends and I’ll be stuck home, probably being sick and miserable on my own.

I know I am feeling seriously sorry for myself and I should just cop on but I’m blue.

Any other mommies feel the same during your pregnancies? Any advice on how to stay sane would be very much appreciated.

Break the news!!! Start to enjoy your pregnancy. Shouldnt be a dirty little secret. Rejoice

astra2000

Hi op congrats on your news! How long until you will tell other people your news it will get easier then because you will be able to share your excitement! You sound like you have a lot of good friends and I am sure when they learn of your pregnancy they will arrange things that you can share in. Try and arrange things for yourself on the days you cant partake in the groups activities you may even find at that stage you are tired and would enjoy a day of rest. Pregnancy does not have to be lonely I had lots of morning sickness in my pregnancy but never lonliness. Hormones are all over the place during pregnancy accept that and dont be hard on yourself. is there anything that you could arrange that you could enjoy doing?

Acoshla

PeakOutput wrote: »

i know plenty of mothers who skydived during their pregnancy,if you ask your doctor im sure he will say no and while that answer is more than likely coming from a position of ignorance its up to you if you follow your doctors advice or not, here is a thread from a skydiving forum for you to read and make up your own mind

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1543092;search_string=skydiving%20while%20pregnant;#1543092

you can definitely go paintballing and hiking and i know women who have donethese activities also while pregnant

your pregnant not crippled enjoy life

The OP said her pregnancy is High Risk so her doctor would probably advise against these things.

crazy cat lady

I'm sorry but I've seen the bruises paint balls leave and in my professional opinion, paintballing should definately be ruled out! One bad hit to the abdomen could cause any sort of damage!! Placental abruption would be a huge concern. For the same reason, high impact and contact sports are advised against also.

Why don't you arrange some activites that you can get involved in with your friends. Don't limit the spa day to yourself, get your buddies involved! You'll find that once they know you'll be included in much more as activities will work around you and your condition.

Congratulations and Good Luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies and the kind words.

I'm not going to tell people just yet as I've had recurrent miscarriages in the past. As much fun as it is to tell people it's very hard to untell them.

I don't need to reed that forum on skydiving tbh, I wouldn't be so selfish as to risk the life of my baby for the sake of some thrills. And I can't go hiking or paintballing as I am high risk.

I also don't need the attention of others but I do like spending time with my friends and OH. I work long hours during the week and we generally all do things together at the weekend so it looks like for a lot of the next two months I will be doings things alone. I don't want my OH to have to miss out on these things so instead of making him feel bad I though I would post on here and get some advice.

StarryMoon0

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I know I'm gonna get shot down for this but that is just pathetic. Anyone who depends on the attention of others to feel good about themselves has issues IMO. OP, surely as a grown woman who's about to become a mother you can find your own ways of occupying your time without moaning about being left out.

Well, sometimes, here and there its nice to have someone say someting nice to you and get a little bit of attention. I'm not meaning it as a permanent feature in her life for goodness sakes. If you were feeling particularily bad for a few days and got a new haircut wouldn't you feel good if your friends noticed and told you how nice it looked??

You have been pregnant? WHen I was pregnant my hormones were a mess .. the silliest things upset me ..

There is nothing wrong with feeling good when your friends congratulate you and start talking about babies with you, are happy for you and share that happiness with you.

I'm glad for you that you are that strong of a person that you would never need that in your life. However, some of us are mere mortals and need a bit of comfort and appreciation occasionally.

Be well .

Cheerilee

there is no reason to not go and watch any of these things if you wanted to
once the baby is born at least for the first couple of months you won't be able to have a night away and then trying to organise a babysitter worrying about the baby being ok when you aren't present will be a different set of emotions you will have to deal with
go , watch, enjoy spend time with your OP when there is just the "two " of you
and tell people your pregnant
your child will bring lots of joy and fun to your life but your freedom will be curtailed
enjoy your pregnancy

jamboambo1

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same fo rthe first twelve weeks. I felt like i was locked and away and 12 weeks is a long time to be feeling like this and keeping it secret. As soon as I told people it lifted such a weight off my shoulders and I felt so much better. It really changed my mood. My friends were great at trying to find things that I could be included in. Remember, people will be delighted for you as soon as they hear the news. YOu only have a week to go till you tell people and then the excitement will really take off.

How Strange

Op, sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I used to run regularly and stopped when u found out I was pregnant because I had recurring bouts of dizziness and was afraid I'd faint mid run. However it kills me when I drive through the phoenix park and see people running. My oh is training for the marathon and he's lost some weight and I'm getting bigger and fatter. I'd just love to go for a long run in the park and it's one of the things I'm looking forward to doing post pregnancy.

Sometimes your new life as a pregnant woman can be a bit anti climactic especially when you have to give up things you used to do before.

However you'll start to get excited about your little babs once you get passed 12wks when you can relax abit.
There are still mornings when I feel pee-d off cos my trousers won't button up anymore even though they did last week but I look at the scan pic on our fridge door and I know it will be worth it in the end.

PeakOutput

hormonal wrote: »

I don't need to reed that forum on skydiving tbh, I wouldn't be so selfish as to risk the life of my baby for the sake of some thrills. And I can't go hiking or paintballing as I am high risk.

i missed the high risk part that obviously makes a difference but other than that there is nothing selfish about it

anyway good luck with it all hope it goes great this time

CathyMoran

Op, I had a high risk pregnancy too - for me my life was my pregnancy for the time my son was inside me - the result is worth it, I was thinking of my baby the whole time.

caprilicious

hormonal, congratulations on your pregnancy. It is frustrating when you're left out, but it really is worth it in the end.
I hope you have a healthy pregnancy x

Spinach

Hi hormonal, I can sympathise with how you feel. I gave up a contact sport when I got pregnant but I still really enjoyed going and watching my friends play. And it was fun to watch with my partner as well when previously he had been on the sidelines on his own watching me!

I think the key thing here is that you talk to your partner about how you are feeling. You don't have to make him feel bad and you don't have to ask him to not go on these activities - but you don't have to suffer alone either! Could he not help you think about other safe activities that would be fun that you could both invite your group of friends along for?

Since he has been with you all through the previous miscarriages, surely he would want to know how you are really feeling now and would want you to have a happy pregnancy. There is nothing wrong with calling on him for support at this time - it's his job! But he is not a mind reader, please tell him you need some comforting and company during the lonely times.

mrsberries

Hi

Just wanted to say what you are feeling is completely normal Im 9.5 weeks and just shocked at how awful I feel. Not overly sick, but hormones have hit me like a brick. Ive stopped socialising the last few weeks as Ive little energy and get nauseous on an hourly basis. Its very lonely as my husband works nights and long hours. I also find keeping the secret draining -making up excuses why im not drinking, going to yoga, not doing strenous activities.... I had a miscarriage also this year so thought Id be singing from the roofs when we got pregnant afterwards but your body is just completely hijacked with the changes. Its an exciting time, but im just hoping these feelings go when we reach the next trimester and regain our energy

Chin up, your nearly there!!!

menorcababy

Hi OP,

I'm 8weeks gone and I feel just as lonely as you do.

I'm currently in Spain for the summer. I was supposed to come home in Oct but now coming home in early September this was the cheapest flight I could find.

I feel like crap constantly. I'm not working at the moment and my OH has left for mainland Spain to get work so we have money for this baby. My friends here don't know I'm pregnant and get frustrated with me because I wont have a drink. I've tried to have nights out but I get scared because people constantly hit of me. I can't even have a day on the beach with the girls because of my all day sickness. I feel really alone.

I don't have much money now due to paying for flights so can't even have pampering days.

To all the people on this post saying tell your news, go out and do stuff, bla bla bla. Stop and think, theres a baby growing inside us. Were afraid that anything could happen and affect this baby. The OP feels the same way I do and I am sure there are thousands more women who feel this way.

OP your not alone. x

wolfpawnat

OP, every woman gets angry and jealous that they are not able to do anything with their friends while pregnant. I adore horse-riding but obviously that's not a safe thing to do while pregnant. I also kept my pregnancy secret for 5 months so that made it hard too. As I was in college I couldn't go on any college nights out and when my OH went out for a night with his friends I was livid!

I know you say you are high risk but you can still go for walks, and gentle hikes, spending time with your friends, etc. Can you arrange a girlie pamper weekend in a hotel? Spa treatments for all!!!!

When you do tell them, they will include pregnancy friendly activities When they don't know they can't help booking these things!