Pregnant - Whos the dad? Help

LegacyUser

Hi im female and 22 almost 23 years old and ive recently found out i was pregnant. I really need some advice in the matter.

I had the first day of my last period on June 25th. I had unprotected sex with a guy during this weekend. He didnt 'finish' inside me any of these times. This guy uses cocaine on a weekend binge basis and other head shop drugs. I dont drink, smoke or have ever taken a drug myself. I was then with him the following weekend, same story again wasnt actually on cocaine this time.

I read that 2 weeks after the first day of your period you are most likely to get pregnant which would have been July 9th weekend. I was with the same guy this weekend and we had unprotected sex, using pull out technique etc.

I then went to my doctor last Wednesday 11th August after taking 3 tests etc. He told me some questions, about my period etc which i told him started on June 25th. He then told me that i was 6 weeks pregnant!!

Now it just happens that i had unprotected sex (with ex who id love to be the dad) exactly 4 weeks prior to this. It was exactly Wednesday 4 weeks ago that we slept together. He admitted there was pre cum that came out when we were having sex, but he definately didnt finish inside me. He said he couldnt help it because he was so horny (sun and heat does have this effect on him) and sometimes its not possible to stop a little bit coming out. He also said it was because the couch we were on was soft and he was on top of me. He used to smoke dope but had been off it three weeks at that point.

I thought i was pregnant with the first guy and to be honest i problady am. But does this mean the doctor just made a mistake on the dates or is it possible he added on 2 weeks and 5 days to my period on purpose? Thus saying that i was technichally pregnant 5 weeks ago yesterday. Wednesday 18th. Which oddly enough is exactly the day i had sex with my ex?


Help!!

Neyite

a pregnancy is counted from the first day of the missed period for medical purposes, so for example:
the first day of your period is day 1.
day 14 (say) is when you ovulated /had intercourse,
day 28 is the day of your due period,

so while you actually may have gotten pregnant on day 14 (or thereabouts) the doctor might count from the start of the full cycle.

for the doctor to say you are six weeks along, possibly means that in 'lay-person' speak, you got pregnant about a month or so ago. but you do need to ask your doctors help in fully figuring out who the possible father is, as you doctor may have been giving you either the actual or the 'medical' dates

hope it helps.

metrovelvet

Doctors can get their dates wrong. There's a blood test you can do while you are pregnant [no not amnio].

Swampy

I'm shocked the pull out method didn't work for you!!!

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

muboop1

Why do you mention the drugs to us?

That's the thing that stoodout the most to me...

It's obviously some issue for you.

The pull out method is useless mostly. Yes there would be a lower risk but still happens as it did with you.

LegacyUser

I mentioned the drugs because i had also read that it can have an effect on the sperm count so thats why i mentioned it.

So who is it looking like, i havent a clue what to do

LegacyUser

Maybe the OP thought the drugs and drink would somewhat make him infertile/unable to get her pregnant somehow.

OP i'm sad to say but it does sound like the cocaine user would be the father but i'm shocked that you didn't use protection with any of these men!
Anyway thats not the issue here, if you are going to keep the baby then I guess you will have to wait until your scan which will probably happen at their guess of 12 weeks, so another 4-5 weeks waiting to get a rough idea of how big the fetus is etc.

goodluck and I hope it works out for you either way

dlofnep

You'll want to clear all this up. Ask the first chap for a test to see if he's the father. Last thing you want is the child growing up with a father that he doesn't know.

OS119

dlofnep wrote: »

You'll want to clear all this up. Ask the first chap for a test to see if he's the father. Last thing you want is the child growing up with a father that he doesn't know.

err, actually the last thing the OP wants is to have a kid and an ongoing relationship with a serious dug user who she really doesn't want to be part of her life, or a kid she really doesn't want. merely having a kid that doesn't have contact with its father is quite a way down the list of disasters this pregnancy may bring.

OP, apart from from having a serious conversation with a midwife/doctor with you giving them the exact dates of your last couple of periods, and the exact dates of your sexual encounters in order for them to make a more educated guess as to which encounter may be the one that did the job, you need to make some very serious decisions about whether you wish to continue with the pregnancy - and personally i'd be very careful about making a decision that hinged on which blokes man goo did the deed: you won't know for sure unless and until a DNA test is done (which can only be completed ater the birth of the child), and what happens if the educated guess - and thats all it will be - is wrong?

either you want, and can look after, this child, or not - and you need to make the decision as to whether to continue with the pregnancy based on that criteria only. and you need to do it in the next few weeks.

i don't envy you, good luck.

LegacyUser

This is such an unfortunate situation to be in... I suspect that if you dont do a paternity test to see if its the first guy (not your ex) it will haunt you. Maybe you could ring your doctor and ask him if from looking at the test results,he could tell you when the baby was conceived?

Just hoping that its your ex's child just isnt enough. For example what if he looks nothing like him? Like if the child had brown eyes and you guys both have blue or something else. You could be taking a massive chance, not to mention lying to someone about something which will have a massive impact on their entire life. You also would have to make the decision during the pregnancy to lie to him and tell him its his, or I suppose you could potentially be honest and say you dont know but I dont see how that would work... It seems like you dont just want to bury your head in the sand here, you do want to know and do the right thing.

LegacyUser

No my ex knows that i was with the other guy aswell. He didnt at the time but i told him the other day. There wont be any lies coming out of this, all i need is a DNA sample from one of them. He seems to think there is only the slightest chance it was his which is problady true?

I was only thinking it was him because i saw the doctor on a wednesday who told me i was 6 weeks pregant, exactly four weeks before that, id slept with the ex (Wednesday). I told the doctor my period was the 25th June. but then why did the doctor ad on 2 weeks and 5 days after the first day of my period? Or what way does it work?

getthetruth - do you mean the results from the first scan?

Also my ex doesnt want to paticularly want to hang around for 9 months on the small chance he is the dad. Is there any other test to find out who would the father be?

seamus

Emma22 wrote: »

I was only thinking it was him because i saw the doctor on a wednesday who told me i was 6 weeks pregant, exactly four weeks before that, id slept with the ex (Wednesday). I told the doctor my period was the 25th June. but then why did the doctor ad on 2 weeks and 5 days after the first day of my period? Or what way does it work?

It's counted from the first day of your last period. So you started it on 25th June, meaning that today you are actually 8 weeks pregnant.

You went to your doctor on Wednesday 11th. At that stage you were 6.5 weeks pregnant.

It could go either way tbh. You had sex with guy 1 on the weekend that your period started. So that was unlikely to end up in pregnancy (not impossible though). You then had sex with him again, after your period ended. In reality, ovulation could have occured at any stage after your period had ended. To take some rough figures, if you had sex with him on day 8 of your cycle (the following Saturday), then his sperm can realistically live in there for 5 days. If you ovulated anywhere in those 5 days, you could have gotten pregnant. This is a very real risk.

You then had sex with your ex on day 19 of your cycle. If you ovulated on or around that time, then your ex could realistically be the father.

So it could go either way tbh. If your periods are regular and on or around 28 days, then my money would be on the randomer. If your periods are longer, like five weeks or more, then it's more likely to be your ex. If your periods are irregular and could be 3 or 6 weeks long, then it can be either man.

However, it's still all guesswork in reality. If you know the length of your periods, you could put some money on it, but it's still a gamble.

ash23

If I were in your position, I would tell both men that you are pregnant but that there is a chance it is not theirs.
I would then wait until the child is born, get a dna test done and confirm who the father is.
At that point you can sort out access and maintenance.

It is likely you will end up going through this pregnancy alone as odds are neither will want to get attached to a baby that isn't theirs.

They may surprise you and one or both may decide to be involved until ye can figure it out.
But I'd prepare for going it alone and rally some family and friends to support you through it.

Cutting off guy number one isn't really an option. You owe it to your baby to tell him.

As far as I know, during the pregnancy, you can do a DNA test but it carries a risk of miscarriage
http://www.oqps.ie/prenatal_dna_testing.htm

Big Bag of Chips

As others have said your "weeks" are counted from the first day of your last period.

So about 14 days after your period you are most fertile. If you have sex around that date, and get pregnant, you are actually counted as being 2 weeks pregnant as soon as egg implants itself in your womb (a couple of hours after you've had sex!)

By the time your next period is due, 2 weeks after you "get" pregnant, (4 weeks after your last period) even though it's only 2 weeks after you've had sex, you are counted as being 4 weeks pregnant.

At 22, you really need to educate yourself better. I know it's to late now for avoiding pregnancy, but during the pregnancy, read up on all you can, to understand what is going on with your body and how your body works.

astra2000

Hi op either one of these guys could be the father just because you are most fertile 2 weeks after your period does not mean you cannot get pregnant at other times, hence the fact that catholics who practised the safe period contraception method often ended up with large families. Try and stay calm and focus on yourself and coming to terms with the fact you are facing an unplanned pregnancy. Maybe you could contact cura for some advice on the best way to handle the situation and what your options are. best of luck

Fittle

Op I've two questions for you

1 Do you have support around you i.e. family/friends?
2 Are you definite on keeping this baby?

You have a tough road ahead OP - whether you are parenting alone, or having dna tests etc, I hope there are people around you to help you through it.

seamus

Just to correct two (minor) errors in two posts above, you are not at your most fertile two weeks after the start of your period, you are at your most fertile 14 days before your period. This seems like pedantry because the average period is 28 days, but if a woman has average periods of 5 weeks (35 days), then she is usually at her most fertile around day 21 of her cycle. Ovulation doesn't occur mid-cycle, it generally occurs 10-16 days before the start of the next period.

This is why knowing the length of her usual period may prove useful to the OP. If she's normally five weeks, then it's far more likely that her ex's sperm was present around day 21, when she was ovulating (roughly).

Big Bag of Chips

You're right Seamus, sorry! For the purpose of the post I was using the "norm", trying not to confuse things too much!

Either way OP, your dates are caculated from the 1st day of your last period, that is where the extra weeks are added.

How are we supposed to know who it is.

Get a DNA test when the baby is born.

Cunning Stunt

I agree with the last posters (somewhat blunt) reply.
Without a paternity test, it will be impossible to tell for sure who is the father.
OP sounds like you are looking for reassurance that your ex is the father, which cannot be confirmed by anyone here. You will need to wait it out until the baby arrives and then you can find out for sure. Best of luck!!

LegacyUser

Ok thanks for the advice. Going to attept a 'Chorionic Villus Sampling' as a means to identify the father further.

Other than that im seriously considering an abortion now.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Nevyn

If you are still trying to figure out what to do then go talk to a crisses pregnancy cousellor.
It's free and you can make an apointment in places all over the country.
If you do decide to have an abortion they can refer you onwards to clincs outside the country.

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/about_options/

fungun

Either way, you are pregnant by a man you are not in a reln with. Id suggest your first (and most important) decision is not 'whose is it', but 'do i want to keep it'?

For all that you may want your ex to be the father, the lack of any reln means there is a good chance you may be bringing this kid up by yourself. If you decide to go with this, then find out.

magneticimpulse

Ok so i tried to figure out the dates:(i assume you have a 28 day cycle?)

25th June date of period
26th/27th June random guy (day 2 or 3 of your cycle)
3rd/4th July random guy again (day 9 or 10 of your cycle)
Did you say the 9th and 10th of July as well with random guy? (day 15 anf 16)

Went to Doctor on 11th of August, and you said you were with ex 4 weeks before that visit...which would be 14th of July or was it 20th of July? (day 20 or 27 of your cycle).

I have "iperiod" which tells you when you are "suppose" to be ovulating. Off course I dont use this as contraceptive method...but it says that Ovulation of a 28 day cycle occurs between days 10 and 15 of your cycle. You in theory were ovulating between 4th of July until 9th of July...which again fits in with the dates of the random guy.

This if I calculated your Cycle correctly, puts the random guy as the father of your child and not the ex. Of course confirm it by DNA test (which I thought is possible before the baby is born...of course its high risk to do this...but correct me if Im wrong) Of course check your options with your GP.

magneticimpulse

• Not sure if they carry out DNA testing prenatal in Ireland, but it is a possible medical procedure
• "Prenatal (before your child’s birth) DNA testing:
  • Amniocentesis: This test is performed in the second trimester, anywhere from the 14th-20th weeks of pregnancy. During this procedure, the doctor uses ultrasound to guide a thin needle into your uterus, through your abdomen. The needle draws out a small amount of amniotic fluid, which is tested. Risks include a small chance of harming the baby and miscarriage. Other side effects may include cramping, leaking of amniotic fluid, and vaginal bleeding. A doctor's consent is needed to do this procedure for paternity testing.
  • Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS): This test consists of a thin needle or tube which a doctor inserts from the vagina, through the cervix, guided by an ultrasound, to obtain chorionic villi. Chorionic villi are little finger-like pieces of tissue attached to the wall of the uterus. The chorionic villi and the fetus come from the same fertilized egg, and have the same genetic makeup. This testing can be done earlier in pregnancy from the 10th-13th weeks. A doctor's consent is needed to do this procedure for paternity testing."