Really down 21 year old guy who's really confused

LegacyUser

Hi! I'm a 21 year old guy. I just don't know where to start. When I did my leaving cert I was really down and depressed and didn't really care and I only got 200 point. I was very badly bullied at school and I just gave up trying when I was in 5th year. When I finished school I got a job nearby and I enjoyed myself I was relly happy and had lots of money. I mixed well with the other guys at work and everything was great. In school I was picked on and made feel a waste of space and there I was happy.
This is main problem I don't know wheater I'm gay, bi or straight. I did sleep with a few girls and they did nothing for me. I just found there was no bond between us. I did sleep with a few guys and I really enjoyed it. This is the reason I think I might be gay. The thing is after I sleep with a guy I feel really guilty and bad.
When m problems started to get really bad tough was when I lost my job. I started to think of school and how depredding that was for and I just started to let it all out and started drinking also my sexuality on top of this didn't help! I tried to get other jobs but I have filed! I would like to give the leaving another go but I get really nervous when I get near school's because of what happened. I've being at home for the last few months and have left the house only a few times.
I do have friends but I don't like sharing my problems with them. I'm not the best to express myself to peole. I bottle it all up and hope for the best. I do try and help people with there problems tough. I have a few friends who's had things go wrong in there life and Back when I was in 5th year my best friend did kill himself and I do feel really guilty over this. He did tell me a few days before he did hhoow he was feeling and I did my best with him. I told him not to worry and I did my best. He killed himself a few days after this and this makes me feel guilty. I haven't told anybody about this either.
I have really cut myself off from people over the last few weeks. I am only sleeping for a few hours a week, having nightmares and crying in my sleep. I have also started to eat large amounts of food.
Any advice?

cooltown

Hang in there! Your only 21. You still have a long life ahead of you.
If your gay thats ok. It's doesn't really matter.
Talk to a friend!

dlofnep

Don't feel bad. Society is probably making you subconsciously think that what you're doing is wrong. Gay people are accepted in society alot more now.

You may or may not be gay. Who do you have an emotional bond with? Men or women? That's what should count the most.

Chuchoter

Ouch, hard situation in general to be in. You can't blame yourself for what happened to your friend. If someone wants to kill themselves there really isn't much anyone can say to them. Some people just get broken and there is no helping them. You probably did more than most people even just telling him not to worry. A lot of people would have done less.

In terms of being gay or bi, I wouldn't really worry too much about labeling yourself. I can say from personal experience, coming out to yourself is very difficult. As a young man you've been conditioned to thinking anything gay is shameful, and you need to realize how you're feeling is not unnatural or wrong. Do what makes you happy. Being gay could actually be a really positive thing in one respect, because from what you've said about bullying, maybe you're the kind of person who hasn't really fit in anywhere? And the gay community kind of creates a place for people like myself or you who just don't seem to fit in. This doesn't mean you have to jump right in to the clubbing scene, you could try BelongTo, they run 2 big social groups for people your age. You need to go out and meet new people.

However you have said that you're crying in your sleep/not sleeping properly. It does sound like your most pressing problem is that you are depressed, and you might want to talk to your GP if things become too much. PM me any time

C.D.

confusedman wrote: »

Hi! I'm a 21 year old guy. I just don't know where to start. When I did my leaving cert I was really down and depressed and didn't really care and I only got 200 point. I was very badly bullied at school and I just gave up trying when I was in 5th year. When I finished school I got a job nearby and I enjoyed myself I was relly happy and had lots of money. I mixed well with the other guys at work and everything was great. In school I was picked on and made feel a waste of space and there I was happy.
This is main problem I don't know wheater I'm gay, bi or straight. I did sleep with a few girls and they did nothing for me. I just found there was no bond between us. I did sleep with a few guys and I really enjoyed it. This is the reason I think I might be gay. The thing is after I sleep with a guy I feel really guilty and bad.
When m problems started to get really bad tough was when I lost my job. I started to think of school and how depredding that was for and I just started to let it all out and started drinking also my sexuality on top of this didn't help! I tried to get other jobs but I have filed! I would like to give the leaving another go but I get really nervous when I get near school's because of what happened. I've being at home for the last few months and have left the house only a few times.
I do have friends but I don't like sharing my problems with them. I'm not the best to express myself to peole. I bottle it all up and hope for the best. I do try and help people with there problems tough. I have a few friends who's had things go wrong in there life and Back when I was in 5th year my best friend did kill himself and I do feel really guilty over this. He did tell me a few days before he did hhoow he was feeling and I did my best with him. I told him not to worry and I did my best. He killed himself a few days after this and this makes me feel guilty. I haven't told anybody about this either.
I have really cut myself off from people over the last few weeks. I am only sleeping for a few hours a week, having nightmares and crying in my sleep. I have also started to eat large amounts of food.
Any advice?

Hi OP,

Sounds like you're going through a very tough and emotional time. I felt compelled to write something about my experiences in the hope that they can help you. Like you I was badly bullied, but by a circle of close "friends" and it took me over a year to get them out of my life. I had cancer when I was in my early teens, had a friend stab people and commit suicide and battled with depression, low self-esteem and contemplated suicide for years. I never had issues with my sexual orientation however though I'd hope what I write below can be helpful in that particular context!

The best piece of advice I can give you is to take everything day by day. Don't think about the "big picture"- your life is general, unemployment, loneliness etc. Just think about everything in manageable chunks of maybe one day or one week. Just set small short term goals and achieve them. I often found if I tried to confront all my issues at once I'd be overwhelmed and unable to cope. But by breaking them up day by day and only focusing on what was achievable I slowly managed to tackle my problems and turn my life around. It was a long, long process but I got there. I went from failing exams in school and college to getting a 1:1 in Trinity, landed a good job and overcame serious women issues to end up in a happy, stable relationship with an amazing girl. I know at times it can seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but you'd be amazed at how your life can be turned around.

I know it can be tough to talk about your problems- even when I wanted nothing more than to be able to tell a friend, the words would not just come. Talking really helps and if you can't do it verbally, I'd suggest trying the written word. If you wanted the comfort of anonymity, I know the Samaritans are excellent or feel free to PM.

rainbow kirby

Try contacting the Gay Switchboard?