Boyfriend V Diet

alpha2010

I have been on a diet for the past 4 months, my bf wanted to go on a diet and I thought id do the same, we were both at an unhealthy weight... he gave up after 1 month but I'm still going. I have lost 3 and half stone, delighted with myself. I have so much more confidence and I'm just more happier

Me and bf used to have chipper every night or pizza or anything bad really before the diet. He has continued doing so well almost every night and I don't mind. Ill have my healthy dinner while he has his pizza. I love him to bits but he isn't supportive at all with my diet. He says he hates the way I don't eat with him anymore. I do try and cook my meal around the same time as his takeaway arrives but who knows when its going to arrive. He wants the old lifestyle and I'm never going back there EVER.

Take today for example. I told him this morning, we can have curry later ... but a lot happened today, very personal stuff. and its made me not want to eat so I told him I'm going to order the food for him anyways and I just don't want any, he threw a fit thinking I don't want it because its bad for me... It's not because of that, its just I'm not in the mood anymore and he should understand. If I go out for a meal. Ill order a salad and he will offer me some chips or whatever and I'll politely say no until he keeps pushing me almost demanding that I eat it. sometimes I do just to shut him up and other times I just get pissed off and then the whole night is ruined.

I have cried over this, our relationship is good other than this.. but he doesn't seem to realise I'm not gonna go back that way. 2 years of eating bad food, so I understand its gonna be hard to adjust but cmon its been 4 months since I have changed my diet, and its not like I don't let him eat the bad food in front of me... like ill go to mcdonalds and all and let him get a big mac even though I'm craving... I'm not going to deprive him

I'm puzzled over this.. Like I look better the way I am now and I thought he would like that... why does he want me miserable in a size 18, crying coming out of clothes stores now I can pick up any dress or anything I want really

I have talked about this but he doesn't realise how much it hurts me. I WISH I could eat those bad foods like him everyday but I can't and he needs to realise that too .. Its funny though, I have eddie rockets every single week with him so we do have bad food together once a week isn't that enough

I need advice

Ave Sodalis

I think that he may feel bad about eating unhealthy foods, unable to stick to a diet and being over weight when his girlfriend eats healthy food, stuck to the diet (which he thought of) and is noticably slimming. (congrats on the weight loss btw!)He is trying to stop you, because he would feel better about not lossing weight.

I would sit down and talk to him. Tell him you are doing this for yourself and you would appreciate more support because his lack of support is hurting you. Suggest that he goes back on the diet, therefore eat with him which is what he wanted. If he pushes you to eat unhealthy food, say no. It shouldn't matter if he gets annoyed, it's your decision and he has to be respectful of that.

the gob

Firstly you have done fantastically well and are to be congratulated-
do not give up
however i think you have uncovered a major insecurity in your boyfriend

whether he admits it or not he fears that your weight loss will lead to you
wanting someone slimmer and in his eyes more attractive than him

Reassure him this is not the case- Always tell him you want both of you to
be healthier so you can have a long life together

take small steps with him and compliment any weight loss with ' Your looking much healthier"

best of luck

helimachoptor

Fair play OP, i think in a couple one person dieting can be tough if the other person continues as normal so keep up the good work! But also treat yourself now and then

StarryMoon0

Congrats on the weight loss!!!! I know how hard it is.

I suspect its as the others say, he is insecure, and feels badly / embarrassed that he gave up?

The one thing that bugs me though, is that i sounds like he is trying to guilt/force you to eat unhealthly foods, or foods you don't want.
Thats not only mean, it is a bit controlling. Chances are he's scared you'll leave him for someone thinner, but doesn't realise that by treating you like that, you may leave him for someone who respects you and your choices.

Its a bit baffling. I mean, I cook what I cook, and my OH eats it. I know he's not overly fond of salad ect, but I have been losing weight for a year now, and he joined me in the effort. He doesn't stick to it as much as I do, for example, he will go to Mcdonalds ocasionally if he's in town ect. I do try and include him in the meals though, by asking what he'd like, someitmes he says "fancy getting a pizza" and i say ok, but its once in a while. If he truly didn't want to eat what i was eating or what i had prepared he'd make something himself, he's ok with that, and i don't get offended by that.

Its not only the weight issue, but just a general health issue..eating that much take away is really bad, he must feel like cr@p? (tired, spiking blood sugar... )

I think a serious discussion is in order, as its pretty disrespectful to you to try and control what YOU eat and undermine your success at becoming healthy.

muboop1

It is likely multiple Reasons...

You are getting fit, maybe he's jealous? Some people don't have the same drive to better themselves like you did.

He is heavy, and he's seeing you shed great amounts...

He's insecure essentially. He doesn't want you sad. Although it seems that way. Just reassure him and if he still doesn't understand maybe get him to read this thread?

S23

I agree with a lot of what is being said. I'd say he is beating himself up over his lack of discipline. It was his idea in the first place and he couldn't follow through while you took 'his idea' and have gone through with it (and are doing great by the way).

I don't think he resents you or your weight loss in so much that he is unhappy for you. It's more that he's not happy about getting left behind. He's fallen back into his comfortable junk food routine and misses his partner in crime. When you were both overweight and out of shape he maybe didn't feel so bad as there were a pair of you in it?

Also, very obviously he will be worried that the new slimmer, healthier, increased in physically attractive you will end up leaving him. I'm not going cast any judgements on your specific relationship but I would say his fears do have some foundation.
When you are svelt, trim, healthy, at your target weight and full of energy and he's crashed out on the couch eating takeaways every night you may see him differently. I've seen it happen before.

Changing your lifestyle does exactly what it says on the tin. It doesn't make you a better or worse person but it does change the way you choose to live your life. You two might not nessicarily be compatible further down the line and that probably scares him quite a bit.

How exactly did he 'fall off the wagon'? And was his attempted weight loss purely diet based or was there exercise involved as well?

One other side note. The wanting to eat at the same time thing. My OH is the same. We have very differing schedules but she really does always prefer if we eat dinner together. I'd say its probably more common that you realise

StarryMoon0

S23 wrote: »

One other side note. The wanting to eat at the same time thing. My OH is the same. We have very differing schedules but she really does always prefer if we eat dinner together. I'd say its probably more common that you realise

I'd be in that camp.. I think its a good thing to eat together. Especially in these days of hectic scheduales. Its one time of the day you can sit with your OH and just either be silent and eat, or have some casual conversation.
A couple can eat different foods together

Mighty_Mouse

Have you tried to explain how you feel to your bf as explained above?

Congrats on having the self-awareness, courage & conviction to lose 4 stone with no support. It must be impossible to deny old habits when your bf continues to eat "like a pig".

A diet is fine for losing weight but keeping it off will be the problem.
This requires a complete change in lifestyle.
Look around you at the people who's figures you admire.
They eat healthy, have sporting hobbies, have energy ...... etc

You will need to adopt an "active lifestyle".
This requires a change in mentality & attitude towards life.
You will need to become a fit, active, energetic person.
You will need to find an active hobby i.e yoga, pilates, swimming, squash, tag-rugby, surfing, whatever.
Fitness & health will become part of your life.
You will spend you evenings & weekends being active.

If you do not secure your weight-loss with a change in lifestyle at the end of your diet. You are guaranteed to put the weight back on.
Even if slowly @ 1 stone per year.

Personally I seen even bigger problems ahead.
If you can find the strength after your diet to secure your change in lifestyle.
Will your boyfriend fit in?

You need to explain to him that you:
a) need support in changing your lfe
b) you want to see him at least try and make an effort himself.

Jack B. Badd

OP, congrats on losing the weight I was very lucky in that myself and my boyfriend started losing weight at the same time. I'm still losing it while he's levelled off to a healthy weight now. We were always good at cooking and eating together but our issue was portion size and we've pretty much got that under control. Now that he's trying to maintain his weight we've shifted our portions a bit, when we cook at home our split is pretty much 60:40 so I can still lose weight.
Have you two tried getting into a routine whereby you split the cooking duties at home? He could still have a larger portion than you and you'd get to eat together. It's not just about weight either - takeaways contain ridiculous amounts of salt as well as fat. He's really not doing his health any favours and their are so many better, tastier options for curry, etc when you cook it yourself.

miec

I would add that fair play to you and that your boyfriend's issues around food are his problem, not yours. Let him get annoyed you have the right to eat good healthy food.

Ickle Magoo

I think you've been each other's enablers or facilitators and now he's angry because you are refusing to fill that role. Without someone to eat with him and do no exercise and mirror his behaviour you force him to look at his own habits and his own reflection - and he's angry at you for being able to get out the rut and angry at himself because he can't or won't.

I think you need to have a serious chat about what your health priorities and your vision of yourself and himself in the future. He, of course, has every right to be as unhealthy as he wants but he has no right to strop because you don't want that lifestyle any more.

It could be he just needs a bit of a nudge in the right direction or some reassurance....it could also be that you have less in common now and this will become a sticking point.

Best of luck.

carmel27

Firstly, OP, well done! It takes major effort and will power to cut back on all the things you enjoy. Its hard to do on your own. However, it must feel nearly impossible when there is somebody else acting like the devil on your shoulder. Shame on your boyfriend. Fair enough if he doesnt want to diet, but he should support and encourage you for the efforts you're making, and at the very least, not be putting temptation right in front of you.

I gained about 2 stone whilst I was in my last relationship, which lasted 3 yrs. I went for a size 10-12, up to a 16. I was really upset about this, especially when I'd look at photos from holidays etc. Obviously, nobody held me down and force fed me, but my OH was a complete fast food junkie. We literally couldnt go anywhere but he'd have to stop at a chipper or deli counter and get "something small" to keep him going. "Something small" would usually consist of either a breakfast/hot chicken roll, wedges and a couple of sasuage rolls. An hr later, he'd want lunch. That was fine for him. He never seemed to put on any weight. I, however, only need to look at a bag of chips to gain a pound or two.

I got into this habit, and this is how the weight started to creep on. When I'd about a stone gained, I thought enough was enough and said that I was going on a diet. However, my BF was completely unsupportive. Id ask him to have dinner at his house before calling over, so he wouldnt end up getting takeaway. He'd eat, arrive over and 2hrs later, it'd be "dya fancy a chinese?". Id say no, and then he'd sulk and say he wouldnt get it if I wasnt having any. Id then feel bad, and say I'd have a starter and he'd arrive back with a starter and full course for me, and land it in front of me. Of course I'd end up eating it, which was my own fault, but when its put in front of you.....

I made several attempts to try to diet, and every time, he'd put temptation right in front of me. Id make a point of not buying junk food such as crisps, biscuits etc but then he'd go to the shop for bread or milk and arrive back with a bag of rubbish, which he'd eat some of, and then leave the rest in the cupboard.

I was putting on more weight, and getting really upset, and he'd always tell me I was grand as I was. I nearly believed him until we were at a family funeral last yr, and one of his uncles remarked, in front of a group of ppl incl. my BF, that Id an awful lot of weight put on, and how he hardly recognised me at first. I was so upset. Obviously it was true, but he didnt need to say it in front of everyone, And the real killer was that my BF just laughed away with the rest of them.

We've since broken up. Im back down to a size 12. I didnt starve myself or go on a crazy exercise binge. I eat my 3 meals a day, instead of the 6 I was eating when he was around! I dont keep junk food in the house, so when I get hungry late at night, Ive cereal or a yogurt. Before anyone comes back and says it was my own fault, due to my lack of willpower, let me point out that I acknowledge that. However, its so hard when theres somebody constantly tempting you, and being completely unsupportive.

OP, you need to have a serious chat with your OH. He needs to understand how important this is to you and you'll really need to drive that point home. I think hes probably insecure now that you are losing weight and probably looking better and healthier. Maybe hes afraid you'll attract attention from other men etc. But thats his problem.

Keep up the good work.

Reesy

Hi OP,

Just a thought, and I'm probably way off the mark, but might your BF be worried about you under-eating? Might you be below your ideal (healthy) weight? Or might he be worried that you could be obsessing about the diet thing? What do others who know you well say about the issue?

piotro2

the gob wrote: »

Firstly you have done fantastically well and are to be congratulated-
do not give up
however i think you have uncovered a major insecurity in your boyfriend

whether he admits it or not he fears that your weight loss will lead to you
wanting someone slimmer and in his eyes more attractive than him

Reassure him this is not the case- Always tell him you want both of you to
be healthier so you can have a long life together

take small steps with him and compliment any weight loss with ' Your looking much healthier"

best of luck

I completely agree with this. What the OP needs to do is play this out psychologically.

If you were to go to your boyfriend and tell him, if you eat this magic pill, tomorrow you will wake up with ripped muscles. He would probably do it. The point is that he probably really WANTS to be thin and ripped.

I personally believe that dieting is ultimately pointless because it implies that you will one day "go off" the diet. What I think you and your boyfriend really need to do is not "diet" together, but undergo some lifestyle changes together to enable weight loss without the element of deprivation. I have done this myself. I am never hungry and I eat a very wide variety of food. All of this of course in proper portions and I avoid typical foods that are just so terrible for you (Like Ice Cream). If you subsidize this with some regular exercise, your metabolisms will both speed up and over time you will both continue to lose weight. Together. With no deprivation. Once he starts to see results and as time passes, the slight lifestyle changes will become habit and it will not feel like you are doing anything at all yet your still benefiting.

What it getting him mad at you is his fears that you will leave him if you get too thin and pretty. Those fears may be uncalled for but they are completely real. You will need to address them one way or another because otherwise I can see him getting more controlling. Once you reach your ideal look he will start looking at every guy as a threat, and given enough time grow jealous.

Reassurance short term, healthy lifestyle changes long term. Only way to go.