I messed up big time

LegacyUser

I split up with my girlfriend in may and we got back again to being friends in June and met up and had fun together, she had something to get sorted and i said I would help he and all was fine. I needed a new place to live to have proper access to my kids and the place she was in was not to her liking so she found a house and suggested we share seperate rooms just to see if we could rebuild things again and also i could have my kids stay. Anyway leases signed and I moved in and she said she would follow later but got cold feet and decided not to. Now I had a serious melt down as I was left with a house I could not afford on my own and all dreams shattered. I did and said things that made it worse between us and hurt her ver much soo much she broke inside like a china doll and something i am not proud of. Anyway she got into a bit of bother in work and I stepped in as a shoulder of support etc for her and was there fro her highs and lows and when it was all resolved we discussed about getting back all the pro's and con's and there were alot of con's due to my last outburst We both went out last Friday with seperate groups and I got tottally hammered and sent texts that were un readable and when i rang her phone some bloke answered. I melted and died and dont remember getting home but drank more as there were a few bottles empty the next day.
I was stilled pi**ed when the texts started again on saturday and she said she was f**ked and did not get home until 7am, i flipped as i thought better of her and put 2 and 2 together and came up with 10 esp as when i rang her phone at 3am some bloke answered. Now we not talking etc:( The thing is I really love this woman and would and have done anything for her and always would, she means the world to me and I worry about her 24/7. her family and friends hate me and i dont blame them. I am trying to fight for her but she only sees black and white and no inbetween or a way of making us work. Do I continue fighting for what I believe in which is her and me together and me providing all that she wants or just walk away and to do that would hurt me so much. I cant eat or function since she has been out of my life and I dont blame her for that as thats my way of coping etc. She thinks I get mates to make remrks or say things to annoy her but I dont and never have
I love this woman it just has my heart in bits even thinking that she is hurting now as well

LegacyUser

I think this sounds like a fairly toxic relationship the two of ye have going on. You have kids living with you so you have a responsibility to them first and foremost. I think there's a lot you're not telling us in this post regarding why you broke up, etc.

LegacyUser

I will not go into the nitty gritty as i want to protect her but so far as i go i called her names and wrote something horrible on my facebook profile and deleted mt facebook and when opened it again forgot i wrote this horrible insulting remark and should have removed it as it was not true. I have been very insecure since we split up and cant look at anyone else only her and its not a Fatal Attraction thing, its just I love her and care about her but get frustrated when i cant get her to see how much I do and want to be there for her and provide all the things she wants in life that I know she wants, as far as money goes its not a big issue with me i just want happiness and for her to be happy

Distorted

Leave her alone. You've split up. Your behaviour is absolutely appalling and unacceptable, and you sound very unstable. Leave the poor woman alone. I think I'd be about at the stage of contacting the police or getting some sort of restraining order if I were her. Grow up and take responsibility for your actions and concentrate on acting 100% of the time in a moral, decent and responsible way. Just maybe if you can do this you can have some sort of civil relationship in the future, but who on earth in their right mind would want anything to do with someone who behaves like you describe?