big O

AuroraBorealis

I've been going out with my boyfriend for a while now and ,sexually, things are good for him. Whenever we have sex, I find I can get myself excited but I never actually orgasm. My boyfriend is always trying to hold off his own orgasm to please me first but I just never manage to go over the edge. It's really frustrating at times and I'm beginning to think there's something wrong. Any idea what I can do?

Miss Fluff

How do you normally make yourself orgasm? If it is normally through external clitirol stimulation then it can be difficult making the transition from masturabtion technique to expecting orgasms through penetrative sex. Have you told and shown him what you do yourself to bring yourself to orgasm?

LegacyUser

Well, to avoid the problem of him having to 'hold out', just get him off first. (I won't go into detail here; use your imagination).

Once that's done you can both take your time the second time round. That's the key, I think. I think that one is a lot more likely to climax quickly from sex if they are wound up to the last with the foreplay first, so make sure you have plenty of time and you're not going to be disturbed.

I think the best results are achieved from an unhurried, progressive built up of foreplay, with your fella taking his time maybe starting with a backrub or something and working it steadily from there...gently tantalising and teasing you until you're about to explode from desire and anticipation!

Don't have full-on sex until he has you gagging for it. Also find a position that hits the spot for you. You may find one or two which work way better than others and everyone is different.

AuroraBorealis

Miss Fluff wrote: »

How do you normally make yourself orgasm? If it is normally through external clitirol stimulation then it can be difficult making the transition from masturabtion technique to expecting orgasms through penetrative sex. Have you told and shown him what you do yourself to bring yourself to orgasm?

I have showed what I'd and we've looked up other techniques as well. We've even used different lubes and vibrators from Durex to see if it helps and it doesn't help much.

AuroraBorealis

Unregistered wrote: »

Also find a position that hits the spot for you. You may find one or two which work way better than others and everyone is different.

We have found a position that works for both of us but I can't get myself over the edge. It's like whenever I get excited my brain suddenly switches to something else so I can't concentrate on how I feel at that moment.

muboop1

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

We have found a position that works for both of us but I can't get myself over the edge. It's like whenever I get excited my brain suddenly switches to something else so I can't concentrate on how I feel at that moment.

is it possible that subconciously you are holding yourself back? Maybe due to some vunerability thing or similar? Sounds like something I read somewhere before... Probably here :P

Wibbs

IMHO and IME the more you try the less likely its' going to happen for you. Even science backs this up. Women at the point of orgasm in brianscans show they're almost disconnected from external stimuli. they're not thinking of much outside the moment. So pressurising yourself is not going to help. If you can orgasm on your own, then something else is getting in the way. Self consciousness is one of the usual ones. Another is a lack of emotional abandonment. On your own it's easy because you're not thinking about him, what he wants or how he feels about you. It may sound weird, but forget about him. Just think of yourself in that moment. Maybe that could work?

AuroraBorealis

Wibbs wrote: »

IMHO and IME the more you try the less likely its' going to happen for you. Even science backs this up. Women at the point of orgasm in brianscans show they're almost disconnected from external stimuli. they're not thinking of much outside the moment. So pressurising yourself is not going to help. If you can orgasm on your own, then something else is getting in the way. Self consciousness is one of the usual ones. Another is a lack of emotional abandonment. On your own it's easy because you're not thinking about him, what he wants or how he feels about you. It may sound weird, but forget about him. Just think of yourself in that moment. Maybe that could work?

I have heard that being selfish in bed is best. I'll try that...or rather let it happen as it seems to be the best thing after reading your comment. Thanks.

cinderella2010

Have you tried bridging....Its the only way I can O through penetrative sex...once I explained to my OH that I needed clit stim but I needed to do it at my own pace etc he was totally ok with it and its great I can freely do it
Took a while to get used of
I have sometimes O when he goes down town but I hate it when he goes down town - not my fav thing on the menu but he loves it and every day requests it = I worry about smell etc
and a few times depending how relaxed and turned on I am my OH has bridged for me and I O

Try it

LegacyUser

I just looked up that Bridge position on google and it would seem you would need to be very fit to maintain that position (fair play to you girl by the way !). You would need very strong tummy muscles, calf muscles and others.
I would try it for the same reason( to get O from penetration as I have never got O before from it) but I dont think Im that fit.
Could you prop yourself up with loads of pillows or something?

cinderella2010

Oh no - what I meant by bridging is giving your self a "helping hand" along while have sex what ever position you are in - I was NOT referring to a certain position

StarryMoon0

cinderella2010 wrote: »

Oh no - what I meant be bridging is giving your self a "helping hand" along while have sex what ever position you are in - I was referring to a certain position

Oh heck girls .. whats wrong with giving yourself some stimulation while having sex?? (this is 2010 right??)
If its not happening quick enough, or just needs a bit extra to get going, I do that, I think it kinda turns the OH on as well. A lot of guys like to see a woman touch themselves.

I know some women have probelms O'ing with penetration, a lot of the suggestions sound spot on though.

I say, swallow any embarrasement, go to bed for some fun, invite your OH to watch while you get yourself ready, take yourself right to the edge and then let him penetrate, keep stimulating yourself and think of nothing, and maybe it will happen?

StarryMoon0

cinderella2010 wrote: »

Have you tried bridging....Its the only way I can O through penetrative sex...once I explained to my OH that I needed clit stim but I needed to do it at my own pace etc he was totally ok with it and its great I can freely do it
Took a while to get used of
I have sometimes O when he goes down town but I hate it when he goes down town - not my fav thing on the menu but he loves it and every day requests it = I worry about smell etc
and a few times depending how relaxed and turned on I am my OH has bridged for me and I O

Try it

Awe sweety, don't be worrying about smell ect. If he didn't like it, he wouldn't do it!!! I know if its a "thing" that bothers you, its hard to get over that, but assured that if it smelled bad he wouldn't be asking to go there.

cinderella2010

Yeah I wish I could enjoy him going down town but I just don't - I get over sensitive and find it hard to relax

He just loves it so I let him and often have to fake an O to make him stop as I am not enjoying it :eek:

StarryMoon0

cinderella2010 wrote: »

Yeah I wish I could enjoy him going down town but I just don't - I get over sensitive and find it hard to relax

He just loves it so I let him and often have to fake an O to make him stop as I am not enjoying it :eek:

dang, thats not good though...(faking)
you just don't like it, or is it too intense or..??

is it a case that instead of sex he wants to do this, or is it during foreplay as well?

cinderella2010

Both:o

StarryMoon0

cinderella2010 wrote: »

Both:o

.. i envy you a little
if i'm honest i'm envious of anyone who's actually getting anything right now...but thats a whole other issue

darad

Can you bring yourself to orgasm? If so you are half way there. A large percentage of women cant climax through vaginal intercourse alone, dont worry about that - come first through whatever means turn you on then you still have the intercourse to look forward to!

KarenR1981

Well now if you cant O there is only one solution
The Rabbit

You cant but O:D

KarenR1981

StarryMoon0 wrote: »

.. i envy you a little
if i'm honest i'm envious of anyone who's actually getting anything right now...but thats a whole other issue

Whats up - want to share

Ickle Magoo

Please keep the advice relevant to the OP, I've given StarryMoon0 their own thread if you wish to offer advice to them.

Thanks

StarryMoon0

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Please keep the advice relevant to the OP, I've given StarryMoon0 their own thread if you wish to offer advice to them.

Thanks

Sorry Ickle, wasn't thinking about it in that way.

AuroraBorealis

darad wrote: »

Can you bring yourself to orgasm? If so you are half way there. A large percentage of women cant climax through vaginal intercourse alone, dont worry about that - come first through whatever means turn you on then you still have the intercourse to look forward to!

Actually, I haven't had an orgasm through masturbation either

Contessa Raven

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

Actually, I haven't had an orgasm through masturbation either

Well that may well be why you can't do it with your boyfriend. I had never orgasmed through masturbation and when I started having sex I couldn't ever climax. But after a few months I started to try new things by myself and eventually I discovered the right buttons to press. I was then able to pass that knowledge on to my partner.

I am one of the women that can climax through penetration but it wasn't until I learned how to climax from other stimulation that I was able to do it through penetration (not sure why, Maybe it was a letting loose thing?) Perhaps try masturbating?

I used to hate it as I found it boring and tedious but if you keep at it you will eventually make progress.

Good luck!

CR

Ickle Magoo

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

Actually, I haven't had an orgasm through masturbation either

So what turns you on? (you don't need to tell me, just think about it). Is it pictures? Porn? Vibrators? Erotic literature? Imagining fantasy situations? All of the above?!

Get yourself some privacy, get comfortable and indulge in whatever it is that does it for you and enjoy exploring your own body until you do orgasm - get good at knowing what does it for you and you can pass that knowledge along to your partner.