Cutting back on wedding costs.

iguana

This is a thread by a poster who would like to remain anonymous so I'm posting what they have PMd me.

My OH has been put on protective notice and we will know in 2 weeks if he is keeping his job or not. Our wedding is less than 8 weeks away.

We are not telling our families yet because we don't want to worry them, and we don't want to tell our friends yet for the same reason.

We need to cut back considerably on our costs and have a plan in place if the worst was to happen. At this stage, the invitations are out so we can't really cut numbers.

We have cancelled our honeymoon plans for now, luckily, we had no deposit down so we've not lost anything and we have cut the cars out. The photographer is very reasonable anyway and the dresses paid for. The suits have a deposit down and if we were to cancel, we would not save enough to warrent hiring them if you know what I mean.

So we now need to cut back on the hotel expenses. The hotel has itemised the package for us.

We have an alcoholic welcome drink in our package, this can be cut in favour of tea/coffee and biscuits which would save us a bit per person. How unusual is it to not be greeted with an alcoholic drink? Would people notice if it wasn't there? The choice we had was mulled wine, pimms or punch, which I think most people would drink for the sake of it anyway, not because they actually like it.


The meal we had booked was bread and dips, soup, starter, main course, dessert. If we cut out either the soup or the starter, we can save again. Is it expected to have both? Would the bread at the start count as a starter to most people?

Another saving we can make is by cutting the main course choice from the menu. There would be a main course meat and a main course vegetarian. Is this unusual? Would it be considered rude to not give people a choice? My OH is adamant that he would perfer to cut the welcome drink and a starter rather than the choice.

We can save significantly if we don't serve wine at the meal, but we have decided we want to keep that if possible.

I understand a few of you will tell me not to do what people "expect" etc and I understand that, but at this stage, I have gone beyond trying to do anything but work a way to afford everything without making the day look cheap. Also, everything was easily affordable until we got this news so please don't have a go at me for spending above my means etc. The overall wedding is coming in at about a third of the average cost.

Heineken Helen

Firstly, I'm very sorry to hear about o/p's situation and I hope it doesn't come to it in the first place.

Ok, as for the starter, get rid of it! I'm going to ask our hotel if we can swap all the starters for half the number of evening food or something like that... cos we weren't planning on having evening food. Starter AND soup is on our menu too but really since when is soup in itself NOT a starter anyway?

If he loses his job, you have to stop caring who you're going to offend... if people get offended cos they're not welcomed with a drink, it's just silly! I will admit it is a nice way to gather everyone around and get talking to eachother.. but they could do that over tea and coffee... sure one or two may complain but, this happened at a friends wedding recently and we simply went to the bar. We didn't complain as we didn't expect any free drink anyway.

As for the choice in meal, we're not having one but it is something I would like to have... but we simply can't afford it so we're not! We are paying for wine for the meal though but seriously I don't think people 'expect' anything anymore.

Congrats in already bringing it down as much as you have . How about other areas? Flowers, favours, etc?

Cadyboo

Hi Im really sorry to hear about your predicament.

So in my opinion, that meal would have been huge! Bread, soup, starter, main and dessert. No one would have been able to move.
If I were you I would get rid of the breads and dips. Could you add the soup as a choice in your starters, as in vol au vonts or soup? I dont know about the mains to be honest, Id try and keep an option for people, but if it saves a lot of money for you both, go for it.
With the drinks on arrival, I have often been to weddings, where it was orange juice or tea/coffee. Id normally buy my own drink when I arrive as many others also do.
I think that if you just bought people a drink of their choice for the toast, it would save you a lot on the wine.
Hope things work out for you!

aviendha

I'd have no qualms about getting rid of bread/dips, and the soup - I"m always too stuffed after the soup/rolls in any case, so would prefer not to be as full.
We dumped the soup at our wedding for sorbet, and it wasn't missed in the slightest.

A choice of main is a nice-to-have, but not essential, so no problem cutting that - it's becoming more normal at weddings I've attended recently.

Drinks on arrival - not essential at all, most people buy their own drink when they arrive in any case, so not even noticed - only people who will notice if something missing are the aunties if there is no tea there, that's all...

I would try keep the wine for the meal if at all possible, as that is something people will notice and comment on, and would be "expected" as part of the wedding breakfast, but you can minimise it to say, a glass and 2 topups, rather than a freepour... discuss with your hotel, they'll be best to advise - are you providing wine&corkage or going with hotel? We saved a fortune by providing our own....

best of luck to your friend

tinkerbell

Get rid of the welcome drink. In fact, due to your current situation, I would just get rid of the welcome drink altogether (alcohol / tea, coffee, etc). Also get rid of the soup and bread, no need. A starter, main and dessert is more than enough. If you need to, get rid of the choice. Money is tight so just pick what you want on the menu. And if your guests don't like it, well they are getting a free meal so they can just order room service later if they are hungry!

Seriously, money is tight and there's no point wasting money on a dinner for people because people will moan and whinge regardless of how good it is. You can't please everybody. So just do what is right for you and your partner and save your moneys. Because you will regret it later if you don't cut costs now - if you need to buy something in the few weeks after your wedding, you'll always think "oh if I had just trimmed X from the meal or whatever, I could afford this, but right now I can't" etc.

I'm not a wine drinker but I appreciate that others are and like it with a meal. If you must have it at your meal, then limit the number of bottles per table. If any table runs out of wine, then they have to pay for it themselves. You're not some cash-happy person that can go funding other people's drinking habits. Just give the minimum.

bubbledoll

Hi,

Sorry to hear that and hoping you are not too stressed about it all.

You can defo cut out soup or starter and breads. The drinks reception can just be tea/coffee if the hotel is providing it for free - most weddings ive been to dont offer an alcohol drinks reception.

Regarding the wine, you could reduce the amount you serve to a glass and a top up per person rather than half bottle per person. I was at a wedding alst year where the wine was just a glass and top up and anyone that wanted more just bought some at the bar. Also you should ask the hotel what their corkage fee is and compare it to the price of wine they are providing. It may be cheaper for you to buy the wine and bring it to the hotel.

Get rid of the evening food - everyone is full after dinner and wont need it.

Can you cancel the cars? Ask a friend with a nice car to drive you. Same for presents for the bridal party - if you have bought them already, can you return them? and if you have not bought them yet, dont at the moment.

What about the cake? Can you cancel it and buy one from M&S or something like that?

Also, for your bouquet, have you the option of selecting flowers that are in season and this might reduce the price for you.

The thing to remember is that this day is about you and your o/h getting married which is a special day, and you are inviting all your friends to join you in the celebration. While it is nice to have the little extra touches on the day they are not the most important thing and family and friends will understand that.

I hope all goes well for you.

rainbowtrout

Scrap the welcome drinks, people won't even notice. It seems to have only become common in the last few years anyway. People will head to the bar and get their own drinks. I've often missed the drinks reception due to stopping in town on the way to a wedding for a drink there instead, so we're not hanging around the hotel all day long.

Scrap the bread and dips, not necessary. Keep soup or starter, whichever you would prefer or if there is a considerable difference in cost between the two. Keep down the cost on the wine per table. When it's gone people will just get their own drinks.

You can probably cut down on the photographer in the short term by getting your photos on CD and when you do have the money go back and get the wedding album. Unless of course you've already paid for it and the album is part of a package.

Beruthiel

We have an alcoholic welcome drink in our package, this can be cut in favour of tea/coffee and biscuits which would save us a bit per person.

IMO, there are no rules when it comes to having a wedding. If it is possible, I'd cut out any welcome drink and just have nothing. People will have no problem going to the bar and buying for themselves if they wish.

The meal we had booked was bread and dips, soup, starter, main course, dessert. If we cut out either the soup or the starter, we can save again. Is it expected to have both?

Nothing is expected. Cut out the starter. Nobody will notice.

Another saving we can make is by cutting the main course choice from the menu. There would be a main course meat and a main course vegetarian. Is this unusual?

I'm not giving a choice at my wedding. Everyone is getting the same dishes.
There will be one vegetarian and I have already organised his meal seperately.

Would it be considered rude to not give people a choice? My OH is adamant that he would perfer to cut the welcome drink and a starter rather than the choice.

Personally, I'd do all three of the above.
Seriously, nobody will notice or care and everyone quite understands how expensive a wedding is to put together. Anyone who would complain needs a good dose of reality.

We can save significantly if we don't serve wine at the meal, but we have decided we want to keep that if possible.

Serve the wine, cut back to a glass or two and if people want to drink more, they can order a bottle for themselves.

matrim

iguana wrote: »

Another saving we can make is by cutting the main course choice from the menu. There would be a main course meat and a main course vegetarian.

Having a choice is nice but not essential.
The only thing to take note of is if any of your guests are Vegetarian. You may need to inform the hotel in advance that you need x amount of Vegetarian meals.

seamus

Beruthiel wrote: »

IMO, there are no rules when it comes to having a wedding. If it is possible, I'd cut out any welcome drink and just have nothing. People will have no problem going to the bar and buying for themselves if they wish.

+1
Tea & Coffee is usually very cheap, but you'll find that most people will go to the bar anyway.

I would discuss it with the hotel - get rid of the welcome drink, but bring forward the call for dinner. So if you had been planning on arriving at the hotel for 3 and dinner for five, instead move the dinner forward to 4 o'clock and cut out the welcome drinks. That way people won't notice the lack of any "reception" before dinner.

Nothing is expected. Cut out the starter. Nobody will notice.

Agreed. If you have soup and a starter, keep the soup and kill the starter.

I'm not giving a choice at my wedding. Everyone is getting the same dishes.
There will be one vegetarian and I have already organised his meal seperately.

+1 again. Make a note of the vegetarians, give their names & seat placements to the hotel and don't offer a choice of mains. There will always be one person who whinges & bitches to the hotel that they want a choice, but that's for the hotel to deal with.
We had a lot of veggies at our wedding (20 out of 100), so rather than have a veggie choice on the main course (and pay something stupid like €25 extra per head), the hotel charged us an extra €5 per head for the vegetarians, knowing full well that they were saving money on the veggies not eating the meat course.

Serve the wine, cut back to a glass or two and if people want to drink more, they can order a bottle for themselves.

Yep. A glass of wine + a top-up wouldn't be noticed by anyone. Many people don't drink wine and hotels usually budget for half a bottle of wine per person. So cut that down to a third of a bottle of wine per person and you should make a good saving.

Maybe come up with an alternative plan now, so that you are ready to present it to the hotel if the worst happens in 2 weeks' time.

Heineken Helen

Also speak to the hotel. When I was booking our place and told them our budget, straight away he came up with ways to save us money.

Even though you've already paid your deposit, explain your situation to them and appeal to their greater nature and ask if they can scrap corkage given the circumstances.

We were simply planning on having 4 bottles of wine per table of 8... and they can deal with it themselves

And yep, you probably only need one glass per person.. announce 'the bride and groom would like you to join them in a glass of wine, blah blah blah'

Mackman

We tried to cut down on our meal too. We're just having starters, mains, and we're having our cake for desert.
The cake is actually made up of cupcakes (large cupcakes), one for each guest. The hotel agreed to plate them up nicely with some garnish.
We figured the cake rarely gets eaten, so why spend money on desert AND cake?

Dinkie

Not sure if your having favours and table decorations, but cut out the favours, and do the decorations your self, very cheaply.... googling comes up with tons of ideas (IKEA is your friend for candles, tealights).

I'm going to be business-like now, and tell you to start telling people that your OH may be made redundant. I don't usually advocate soliciting money as a wedding present, but if people know your circumstances - they may be more inclined to give you money rather then a physical present (usually I think asking for money is tacky).

dory

Mackman wrote: »

We tried to cut down on our meal too. We're just having starters, mains, and we're having our cake for desert.
The cake is actually made up of cupcakes (large cupcakes), one for each guest. The hotel agreed to plate them up nicely with some garnish.
We figured the cake rarely gets eaten, so why spend money on desert AND cake?

Very good idea!!

I would just to reiterate what everyone else said. No need for what seems like 3 starters!! Just keep soup or starter. And your cake for dessert.

I'm inclined to say no drinks reception would be better than only tea/coffee. Or maybe, don't make a big deal about it. At the last wedding I was at we were all paraded into the garden for the drinks reception. Just have tea/coffee on the side so that the old people can have their cup without some drunken wan asking the tea lady for a vodka.

No one expects anything nowadays. Sure you could have all the flowers/free drink/food/bands in the world and it'd still be the same as most other weddings. It's whatever personal touches you put to it that make it stand out or not.

The Davestator

OP - In my opinion and if the worst happens and your other half loses their job, you'll feel a lot less stressed if people know your situation before the wedding.

What I mean is, if people dont know what has happened, and you cut lots of stuff, they may think you're stingy. (maybe their assholes if they do, but...)

If people know what has happened, their expectations will be lowered, and you'll feel less pressure to keep up the charade.

Toots

+1 to what Heineken Helen said, chat to the hotel now. Explain that your OH is in danger of losing his job and ask what they suggest. My OH's sister was in the same boat last November, her fiancé lost his job 6 weeks before the wedding and the hotel were very good at helping her reduce costs.

For the meal she cut out the starter and just had soup, nobody noticed.

There was no drinks reception when everyone arrived at the hotel - again nobody noticed - and everyone just headed to the bar and grabbed a drink.

She removed the main course choice also, there was a vegetarian option for the veggies, but there wasn't an extra charge for that. She just let the hotel know in advance who was vegetarian. TBH, a main course choice is in no way essential, I've been to loads of weddings over the past couple of years (my fiancé's family is HUGE) and I'd say less than half of them have had a choice of main courses.

You could cut down the wine too, say one full glass and one or two top-ups. I'd be reluctant to cut out the wine altogether though. Again, ask the hotel what they think is best.

Cake was served as dessert, so money was saved there. Her mum made the cake, so that cut back on costs a bit.

They cancelled the band, and just had a DJ, which worked out significantly cheaper. (Band was €1000 or something like that, but the DJ was €400 and he played for longer than the band would have).

Luckily for them, their chauffeur let them down at the last minute, so they got a friend with a BMW to drive them, and they didn't lose their deposit for the car

She did her own flowers also, and they turned out brilliantly. She got roses from Smithfield markets, and made up bouquets and sprays for the church. There's some good videos on Youtube on flower arranging, which show you how to do it step by step.

The main thing is try not to get too stressed about everything, and enjoy the day. Best of luck!

angelfire9

OP I agree you should talk to the Hotel and see what assistance they can offer
I worked in Hotel Mgt specialising in banqueting for years and believe me they will be fine I've served at kosher weddings/ hal al weddings & nudist weddings believe me your situation is one of the more normal requests they might get!

Tea/Coffee for the reception is fine anyone who wants a drink from the bar can get it themselves most people won't even notice but its nice to have the cuppa there for the oldies

I'd scrap the bread before the meal & the starter as well, veggie soup will suit everyone and comes with bread rolls and will do fine as a starter

For main course one meat one veggie dish will be fine ask hotel for a recommendation as regards the veggie option and I wouldn't go for beef as the main course meat chicken is more popular and probably cheaper as well alot of hotels charge a surcharge for beef!!

As for the wine alot of people have suggested corkage rather than hotel supply get the price for both and see which would be cheaper for you
allow that each bottle will give you 6 glasses of wine and depending on your main course you can decide whether you need more white or red (if you are buying your own) if the hotel supplies it then a glass and top up per person is more than enough!

DO NOT pay extra for the hotel to decorate the room where the reception is they will do it anyway as it is good for business!!

I assume the bridal suite on the night of the wedding is FOC if not why not?

Some hotels have their own wedding car ask them!

Talk to the hotels' banqueting manager or wedding co-ordinator they will do everything they can to help you!

Best of luck and at the end of it all enjoy your day you only get married once

Heineken Helen

With all these replies, I'm considering simply scrapping the drinks reception and the starter anyway :eek: Honestly! Cos people are right... nobody's gonna notice if they're not there.

tinkerbell

^^ Yep, there is absolutely no need for a drinks reception if the meal is earlier!

Heineken Helen

tinkerbell wrote: »

^^ Yep, there is absolutely no need for a drinks reception if the meal is earlier!

The meal is later

We're getting married at 2.30 (I think ) so the meal won't be til about 5 or later.

angelfire9

Heineken Helen wrote: »

The meal is later

We're getting married at 2.30 (I think ) so the meal won't be til about 5 or later.

Nobody will notice trust me!
Being Irish the women will be discussing the bride's dress and the men will moan about the weather!

Can you bring the meal forward?
If the church is at 2.30 you will be out at 4pm allow 30 mins for photos and 30 mins to get to the venue for the reception and voila its already 5pm so 5.30 will be fine for sitting down

Heineken Helen

angelfire9 wrote: »

Nobody will notice trust me!
Being Irish the women will be discussing the bride's dress and the men will moan about the weather!

Can you bring the meal forward?
If the church is at 2.30 you will be out at 4pm allow 30 mins for photos and 30 mins to get to the venue for the reception and voila its already 5pm so 5.30 will be fine for sitting down

Oh yeh, I figure cos the meal's a bit later people will be starving so won't wanna mess around with a drinks reception at all

Thumpette

Good luck with it OP,

I must say one of the lovliest weddings I was ever at was done on a budget of 3k. There were 30 guests, it was held in a catering college, no choices in the food as far as I recall- but I think the option they had was 'safe' (stuffed chicken or something)

The flowers were minimal, there was no choccie fountain, drinks receptions, chair covers or any of that other stuff we have been brainwashed into thinking we need!

Seriously- a wedding is the commitment between yourself and your Hubby to be, with a party afterwards with friends to celebrate... the rest is just gravy, as long as you are happy and you have your friends and family around nothing else matters.

soon2Bmrs

Thumpette wrote: »

Good luck with it OP,

I must say one of the lovliest weddings I was ever at was done on a budget of 3k. There were 30 guests, it was held in a catering college, no choices in the food as far as I recall- but I think the option they had was 'safe' (stuffed chicken or something)

The flowers were minimal, there was no choccie fountain, drinks receptions, chair covers or any of that other stuff we have been brainwashed into thinking we need!

Seriously- a wedding is the commitment between yourself and your Hubby to be, with a party afterwards with friends to celebrate... the rest is just gravy, as long as you are happy and you have your friends and family around nothing else matters.

+1

I totally agree..we are trying to do ours for 6k but we have alot of family, id love to have just 30! Weddings and Love are sooo exploited

dory

Also agree with Thumpette.

Think about it, you spend 20k+ on a day that a lot of people dread, but attend out of duty. And at the end of it most people come away with the impression that it was another run-of-the-mill wedding. The cheapers one have been the most memorable in my opinion.

LittleWhiteDog

I have to agree with all of the other posters that you could easily make the cuts you have suggested and your guests will be more than well looked after! There are lots of good ideas here too like using the cake as dessert. I do not think for one minute that your wedding will look cheap, you are providing a lovely meal and wine(which is not always provided, might I add!). I understand that you must feel under immense pressure right now but I think you are looking after your guests really well and you shouldn't feel under any pressure to provide what you just can't afford. Best of luck and I hope everything works out well for you and you have a great day!