Scared of myself!!

LegacyUser

I'll try to be a quick as possible but i would really appreciate any advice here.
Ive been with my GF for about 8 months, everything has been amazing best ever, I am madly in love with her and I believe she loves me too.
Won't go on but you get the picture, this has all the facets of something that could go all the way.

So st weekend we went to a big party a friend of hers was throwing. Lots of her old friends there, many of whom I didn't know.
It was an early start so it was a case of trying to take it easy on the drink for the early part. Now we both enjoy alcohol a bit too much at times and this has been a little bit of an issue before but nothing major.

Anyway later in the night I basically lost control, got completly trollied and ended up going off on one in front of her friends, stormed out of the house shouting etc. Im sure you get the picture.

She came back with me, she was staying in mine and was packing her bags to leave but ended up staying. Now i don't remember any of this, only going on what she told me, but clearly it was very upsetting for her, she had never seen me like this (ive never been like this before) I was aggresive, not to her or anyone in particular but it is very scary to lose control like that.

I let her down and let mself down. I apologised profusley the next day, she went out for a while and came back, she said lets forget about it, and throughout that day and the next I couldn't do enough for her, all seems fine now again, she has told me thats its forgotten and that i should stop apologising and over compensating.

I don't really know what i want, it just really has scared me that I could have nearly lost the best thing in my life because of drink. I have apologised to her friends that were present too and they have all been very understanding. As she has, she was very upset the next morning, but seems over it now and wants to move on

Should I just leave it there and try to move on, Im trying but I think Im the most upset out of everyone over it. Im obviously going to calm down on the booze as I never want a repeat of this kind of thing, or anything remotley related. i feel I should do something to make it up to her but know she just wants to forget it.

I would really apprecaite any outsider advice here. Thank you for reading.

AnonMous

Hi Op,

You can expect a load of replies with "give up drinking" as the theme but that is not necessary.

Just put it down as experience and don't drink as much the next time. I used to lose my cool the odd time when I was younger but now I just take it easy and when I do get plastered, I just keep my mouth shut.

Don't dwell on the weekend gone for too long, you can't change what happened. You can only change the future so don't be worrying.

Take it easy ;-)

Kimia

Hi Op. This has happened to most of us at one time or another. I'm sure you're in the serious horrors right now and full of guilt. It sounds like you were a bit nervous meeting her friends for the first time and you drank more than you're used to because of a) something to do when you feel awkward during a convo and b) so that you get a confident buzz going.

You are in the wrong and make no mistake about that, but don't beat yourself up too much about this. It happens. It's mortifying and also scary to lose control like that but use this as a learning curve and don't do it again. For example, drive when you know you'll be in a position where you may feel you'll overdrink because of nerves. Then you deffo won't drink and you'll be remembered as the 'responsible' one of the night.

You will get over this, as I said it's something that I think every couple goes through. Just examine why you went a bit mad and try to avoid the triggers in the future.

coolcat63

It sounds to me that you need to make a significant gesture to yourself in order to forgive yourself. Apologies if this seems dumb but perhaps a donation to a relevant charity or some volunteer work would make you feel better about yourself?

Rufus the brave

Can you give us a bit more detail what you actually did? You said you were aggressive and shouting, but what sort of stuff were you coming out with... Give us an example

wylo

OP, Ive a friend who used carry on like this from time to time, it was rarely but when it happened it was a joke. Once he got his girlfriends phone and smashed it to bits, he then started trying to fight a few of us. That night was the straw that broke the camels back.

He made a decision to stop drinking vodka, or any hard drinks like that. As it was only them that triggered it. That was years ago and to this day he is great craic to be out with because he has banned himself from anything that makes him stupid.

Were you drinking something in particular that night? Vodka? Wine? Something stronger than usual, or more out of the ordinary. If so ban yourself from that booze. It means you dont have to ban yourself from drinking altogether. Some people just cant handle their booze, simple as that.

Also ,if you keep at her about it, she'll only start getting annoyed. She gets the message, your sorry. You dont even have to mention your staying off certain drinks till next time yer out, so as to play it down.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for the replies
I know that I have to be careful from now on with my drinking, especially hard Liquor / wine, It seems I reach a stage where I just go under and I need to recognise this before it happens.
What has really terriefied me here is that, it was totally out of character, ive always been told right or wrong that Im a happy drunk, this time I was angry and towards the one person in the world that I would never want to upset...
Im not going to mention it to her again, she told me straight out a couple of days later to stop being so nice to her as I was overcompensting and also told me to stop apologising so....
Hopefully thats the end of it, Ill learn from this and as long as it hasn't ruined our relationship, Ill take the positives and use this as a wake up call and realise I need to be more aware of my limits!

johnr1

Hi Op, I know more than a little about this type of situation, been that soldier etc. The main difference was that Thank **** I wasnt in a relationship with anyone during the few years when this happened a few times. I think the advice about figuring out if it was one specific type of likker that did it and refraining from that in future is very good. In my experience, many men dont process whiskey particularly but vodka too as well as women. It makes lots of us crazy. If you enjoy a drink, and It appears you do, then I suggest you put a high value on that and mind it well lest you end up having to call it off completely. Like me.
Now, I dont for a moment regret it - my life is infinitely better without it but it is socially awkward in a country where everything - even dating revolves around drink.
It may be that its nothing at all to worry about but on the other hand just watching out for could prevent bigger problems down the line.
My 2p worth

Neyite

im such a lightweight when it comes to drink, that i used to accidently overdo it when i was in my twenties a lot, i found that spirits send me loopy, wine - its way too easy to drink so one minute you feel sober, the next you are on the floor. so its mostly beer that i drink out.

if the gang im with are drinking pints, i stick to bottles. have a pint or two of water inbetween, and be firm whe someone tries to cajole you into shots/hard drinks etc. if anyone buys me one, they have ignored what i have said, so the drink can sit there all night.

i dont drink wine except in the house (where i can slope off to bed if i need to) and i dont drink sprits at all.

make sure you have a good meal before your session, and never mix grape and grain (wine+any other drinks) are my big rules.