Bf too big

LegacyUser

I am not sure what to do about this situation and I couldn't sleep last nite becoz it is really bothering me. Idk how to put this tactfully but my bf and I are having bedroom issues. The problem stems from the fact that he is just too big. We have tried to have sex a couple of times but it hurt too much for me so we had to stop. I am not a virgin, I am 27, I have been with a lot of guys and this has never been a problem before and my bf is a really great guy but he is montrously big... I know this may sound like a joke but it isn't and I know it is putting a strain on our relationship. I tried talking to him about this but he is really shy and I know he isn't as experienced as I am. He tends to turn as red as a strawberry when I try talking to him and from what he has told me it has happened before in a previous relationship. In all other aspects of bedroom antic he is great and he makes me climax but I feel like I am letting him down as we can't take the next step in our relationship. I know he feels insecure about this but at the end of the day it is my problem too and I don't know how to fix it. I remember Sam from a Sex and the City episode having the same problem but unlike that outcome I love my bf and don't want to end our relationship.


Any advice or suggestion are really appreciated.

LegacyUser

Hey, I had the same problem when I met my current boyfriend. You just need to be patient, take things slowly and use lots of foreplay/lube. Also positions are important. I found me on top was the most comfortable position to start off with as it means you can control the depth of penetration and just take him in a bit at a time.
It might take a few goes but if you are both relaxed and there's no fixed expectation, you'll get there and enjoy it!!!
I know you said he's embaressed but I would keep talking to him about it, just so it doesn't become an unspoken issue. You say that you feel you're letting him down, he might feel like its his problem and that he's going to physically hurt you when you try to have sex.

LegacyUser

SameIssue wrote: »

I know you said he's embaressed but I would keep talking to him about it, just so it doesn't become an unspoken issue. You say that you feel you're letting him down, he might feel like its his problem and that he's going to physically hurt you when you try to have sex.

Truth is he is a softie at heart and hurting me is what terrifies him the most. I will try what you said though, one thing for sure is that he has foreplay down to a fine art so no problem there. I think it is a real issue for him, I mean he is really understanding and never pressures me but I think it is taking its toll on his ego (for lack of a better word) and he blames himself.... from what I gather it has ended some of his previous relationships..... so I think his confidence has taken a real knocking.....

StarryMoon0

i think its lovely that your concerned about his feelings.

i watched a program on tv about a year ago about this same thing. guys who were very well endowed and the problems they had. a lot of the guys were quite upset about it, but most had found loving partners who were willing to work with them and have enjoyable sex.

Umm, is it more a width or depth problem? I ask as, IF its a width issue, and the main factor is pain at the entrance, you can actually stretch that out a bit. sounds weird i know, but when i was pregant my doctor said to use a natural lubricant and apply to the opening skin and stretch/massage it in an outward direction. Reason being as it would stretch and become more elastic after a while and reduce the chance of tearing or need for episiotomy while giving birth.
He was even cheeky and suggested my partner do it for me

However if its depth, than will simply require you to be on top, or to position yourself so he does not get maximum penetration.

cinderella2010

My OH is huge and it was a problem to start with - I thought it was me but in time I learned my limits - there are certain positions I wont do for fear of pain (behind) - I prefer to be in control also its an idea to make sure there is plenty of foreplay and KY Jelly too - you really need to relax too, I am sure worrying about it is not helping at all so take it nice and easy and slow, in time it wont be an issue at all

LegacyUser

StarryMoon0 wrote: »

Umm, is it more a width or depth problem?

It's both actually.... but I am grateful for everyones advice. We are both going to take our time with this and try out everyones suggestions. I am rather submissive when it comes to sex but I think its time I was more proactive anyways I am really in love with this guy so I am not giving up!

Thanks everyone for all your advice and tips.

Kimono-Girl

worried&unsure wrote: »

Truth is he is a softie at heart and hurting me is what terrifies him the most. I will try what you said though, one thing for sure is that he has foreplay down to a fine art so no problem there. I think it is a real issue for him, I mean he is really understanding and never pressures me but I think it is taking its toll on his ego (for lack of a better word) and he blames himself.... from what I gather it has ended some of his previous relationships..... so I think his confidence has taken a real knocking.....

after getting over this exact issue with my OH maybe i can help, as for what you can do most of the advise given is accurate but i just wanted to add,you may need to assure him a good bit,and emphasize it is not an issue you are willing to end the relationship over, in fact as I've found it can be a bonus in more ways then one! also as a result of being well endowed basic sex necessities such as condoms become problematic (esp in Ireland) just so you know tesco's (as far as i can see) are the only place i can find XL sized condoms.

LegacyUser

Going unreg here because my OH posts here and I don't want to embarras him! He is, quite frankly, absolutely huge and it was a bit of a worry to begin with.

Width should be the only real problem here. I think the average depth of the vagina is 6-7 inches. So as long as he knows not to be trying to force whatever surplus inches he has in there that should be fine.

Width is the most painful thing but as said there are various things you can do to aid that. I know you say he is shy but you are going to have to talk to him about this. If you are going to have an all round healthy adult relationship then talking about sex is going to be part of it.

And as someone else said you might have to knock some positions on the head. Some just aren't suitable for an XL partner. Take it easy, xplore it together and you get to know how and what you both enjoy together

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one....for obvious reasons!

I'm a 21-yo girl and my bf is really huge as well....

I went through many of the things you described OP. We had a couple of disastrous early experiences in bed where I either just couldn't get him in, or he got part-way in but it hurt and we had to stop. What finally worked for me was using LOADS of lube, using a largish vibrator during foreplay, and then making sure to RELAX when he goes to penetrate me. Remember that if you are tense or worrying that he will hurt you, your vaginal muscles will tighten up. So just relax and tell him to be really really gentle as he goes in.

Absolutely the best position is girl on top since you can really control everything so much better. We've done other positions (including behind) but you really need to get used to having sex first so he knows exactly what you are comfortable with.

The girl above mentioned condoms and it's true that the standard condom just will not fit on a larger guy. It's a bit of a joke. The ones we wound up using are called Trojan Magnum XL but they seem to be quite difficult to get in Ireland and we had to order them off the internet. We've also tried a brand called Durex Comfort XL which are ok too, but he prefers the Trojan ones.

Good luck OP!

Neyite

also, try several lubes - we found that KY dried out too quickly, and i got thrush a couple of times - not necessarily saying that it was the KY, but i never got it again after we stopped. the durex range is quite good, Preseed is a conception lube, but it really is lovely to use. so experiment with different ones until you find the one that suits you.

S23

Jesus don't use KY jelly. KY Jelly was originally designed for the insertion of medical instruments during operations. It's also corrosive and can break down the condom (I presume you are using protection)

There are many better options out there. You can look them up easily online.

gofaster_s13

S23 wrote: »

Jesus don't use KY jelly. KY Jelly was originally designed for the insertion of medical instruments during operations. It's also corrosive and can break down the condom (I presume you are using protection)

There are many better options out there. You can look them up easily online.

KY jelly is NOT corrosive, its water based and is completly safe to use with condoms's, do some research before you post rubbish.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K-Y_Jelly

S23

If I was misinformed then fair enough but please don't be telling me to do research then posting links to wikipedia like its a reliable source of information when it absolutely is not.

Anyway, I still would still recommend using a different lubricant

Ickle Magoo

As a water-based lubricant KY is fine to use with condoms, you may be thinking of vaseline or some other oil-based lubricant...

gofaster_s13

S23 wrote: »

If I was misinformed then fair enough but please don't be telling me to do research then posting links to wikipedia like its a reliable source of information when it absolutely is not.

Anyway, I still would still recommend using a different lubricant

http://www.safesex.ie/index.php?route=product/product&path=33&product_id=91