My first brizezilla moment!

Thumpette

Hey All,

I had my first bridezilla moment there, basicially a friend of mine told me she wouldnt be able to go to my wedding as her friend (who she is cbm for) has chosen that weekend to do her hen (overseas)

I was really upset about it at the time- even though I was understanding that of course if the hen was on and she was cbm she had to go, I just dont understand how the bride would go ahead and have her hen on a date when her CMB had a wedding on (assuming of course that it was ever properly said to the Bride)

I just know if one of my bridesmaids, or anyone who's company was vital to me to make my hen enjoyable was having difficulties with a weekend I would definately change my dates to suit. i would never ever ask anyone to miss out on the wedding of a friend to go on what is essentially a night out on the tiles.

I guess for me the hen party is fairly unimportant, while I am very much looking forward to it I am determined that it costs people as little as possible, both financially and in terms of hassle. In contrast I see the wedding as the real day and have chosen and notified people of the date and expect people who can come to come (barring people with genuine reasons, living abroad, kids, financial issues - tho id rather they came with no gift- even so it can be expensive)

TBH I do wonder if this bride was told much or anything about the date clash- but if she did know does this make her a henparty-zilla too! A new breed lol! Or am I just being harsh?

(By the way I'm way past caring now- just interested to hear of other's opinions!)

tinkerbell

I'm assuming you had set the date for your wedding before this other girl set the date for her hen night? How good a friend is this friend of yours? If she's a really close friend, then I think your friend is being unreasonable. Hen parties can happen anytime, if somebody can't attend, then there is usually another dinner out or something after which they can go to. Weddings are only once, and a hen party in no way compares to a wedding.

If she's a good and close friend to you, then she should've told the bride that she was sorry, but she has a wedding to attend to on that day so can't make it. I think it's bad form that she won't go. She doesn't NEED to go to a hen night. Her presence as a bridesmaid is only required on the day of the wedding.

seamus

Your wedding isn't as important for anyone else as it is for you and your family. You will have to accept that some people simply consider it a bit of a day out and a bit of a party; no big deal if you miss it.

In this girl's case she rates the other wedding higher because she's part of the wedding party, whereas she's just another guest at yours. Think of it from your friend's point-of-view; "I can't do that weekend, such-and-such is getting married" may not go down well with the bride - the CBM prioritising some randomer's wedding over hers??

This is the first of many surprises you will get. Don't get annoyed by these people, you just have to remember that nobody cares about your wedding nearly as much as you do. It doesn't reflect what they think of you or how much they care.

Thumpette

Hey tinkerbell, yeah my wedding date has been booked for over a year now.

yeah I agree with everything you say, to be honest its obvious she just isnt that good a friend. We used to work together and be good friends a few years ago and then werent in contact much at all for a while but since we have both been engaged we talk a lot (like everyday online for hours) and I thought we were now good friends.

I did send a mail to say how I was feeling and she responded that of course we were good friends but that she had to go to this etc, but to be honest I dont think thats really the case.

Good to know that its not just me who thinks a hen party is just a night out anyway!

Thumpette

Hey Seamus,

Good point too Himself reckons pretty much exactly that too. Ah sure a couple of less people to feed.

For me the thing is more that I am thinking of it from my own hen party point of view and I would hate someone to miss out on something 'more important' because of that.

But then as you say- what makes it more important- to anyone except us and our closest friends/ family

RentDayBlues

She's CBM - would you like if yours didn't go to your hen because she had another wedding? I can see another thread on that one!

Thumpette

RentDayBlues wrote: »

She's CBM - would you like if yours didn't go to your hen because she had another wedding? I can see another thread on that one!

No- but if one of mine had something pre-known about like a friend's wedding I wouldnt book my hen for that weekend

seamus

Also never underestimate the insanity of another bride.

That other bride may have booked that weekend in full knowledge of your wedding, because it suited her and isn't going to change it for anyone/anything.

Bookkeeper09

I was one of 3 bridesmaids at a friends wedding a couple of weeks ago. When organising the hens, we sat down aith the Bride and organised a weekend that suited all 4 of us.
I am getting married next year and have 4 bridesmaids and will try my best to find a night that suits all of us for my hens. Obviously I would like to have them all at my hens so would try to avaoid organising for a night when i knew one of them had something on already!!!

Thumpette

Hey all,

thanks for the opinions, its nice to know in general views are alligned to my own. Anyway Im not going to worry about it now, I know that when I goes to a friend's wedding that despite any worried I might over the finances etc around it, I 100% want to be there and love seeing people I love so happy.

Myself and himself made the decision when we got engaged that we only wanted real friends and close families at ours and no fillers for the sake of it- we want everyone to 100% want to be there and not feel like they are their through obligation, and if this person wasnt 100% about that it's probably all for the best anyway

iguana

seamus wrote: »

That other bride may have booked that weekend in full knowledge of your wedding, because it suited her and isn't going to change it for anyone/anything.

It may well be that this was the only weekend near her wedding that she could do it. None of us know what her circumstances are, perhaps she/her family/other close friends work a lot of weekends and this was the best date they could manage.

Thumpette

iguana wrote: »

It may well be that this was the only weekend near her wedding that she could do it. None of us know what her circumstances are, perhaps she/her family/other close friends work a lot of weekends and this was the best date they could manage.

True enough Iguana, like I say its a bit of an irrattional brizezilla moment for me- feel a bit dumb for even posting this now actually- feel free to close

iguana

Thumpette wrote: »

True enough Iguana, like I say its a bit of an irrattional brizezilla moment for me- feel a bit dumb for even posting this now actually- feel free to close

It's normal to be upset about a friend not coming to your wedding. And I'd agree with you that the hen night is nothing compared to the wedding itself. I'd never miss a friend's wedding for the sake of a different hen night. (I don't actually like hen-nights at all.) But to other people the hen night itself is a HUGE deal. It sounds like your friend's friend is one of the people to whom it is a huge deal and I can se your friend as chief bridesmaid might be "obliged" to go to it.

I don't think you are being irrational to be upset at all but I would give your friend the benefit of the doubt about why she chose the hen-night. I'll lock the thread if you want, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about for posting in the first place. Part of the purpose of the board is to give you a place to let off steam.

smelltheglove

Its a bit harsh to arrange it in the knowledge of another wedding! I arranged my hen for the weekend of my birthday. My step brother was turning 21 the week before and only a month before the hen did he find out his venue was double booked and had to take a date on the weekend of my hen, the hen was postponed for a week very easily even at short notice!

At the same time your friend deciding to attend the hens may not be an insult in anyway, I mean you say its abroad maybe it was booked before she realised the mix up, maybe it is her only holiday and she is really looking forward to it. I wouldnt get to worried about it to be honest, I ended up having a falling out with my best friend, a bm, when she decided she wasnt coming to my hens because she didnt want to leave her boyfriend alone for a weekend, at least your pal has a good excuse!

rainbowtrout

smelltheglove wrote: »

Its a bit harsh to arrange it in the knowledge of another wedding! I arranged my hen for the weekend of my birthday. My step brother was turning 21 the week before and only a month before the hen did he find out his venue was double booked and had to take a date on the weekend of my hen, the hen was postponed for a week very easily even at short notice!

But that was two events within the one family. Why should this other girl change the date of her hen party because a total stranger has her wedding on the same day and basically they've both invited the same person to attend their respective parties? It's total bridezilla behaviour.

A bride and groom can invite whoever they want to their wedding but the people are not obliged to go or to give reason why they choose one wedding/hen over another. The friend that was invited to this wedding has only become a good friend in recent times and at that it's online mainly going by the OPs posts. She's chief bridesmaid in the other party, so I imagine they are pretty close friends when she has that role. It's a no brainer from her point of view.