bullying :(

kflynn

what can you do about it? been going on since primary school in college now still going on! live in a small town so their lies get around fast! seems like it s never going to end i am so angry and upset over it! any advice?!

cooltown

I was really badly bullied at school. I told teachers and it only made it worse.
I found tough the best thing to do was say nothing to them just look them in the eyes and say I don't give a damn what you think. I'm me and get over it. Never hit them tough as this mght cause trouble for you.
If this doesn't work.
Go to the Gardaí report them they have to deal with it. Just think of those people when they get a knock on the door and it'd the gardas!
Hope things improve for you!

kflynn

i wouldnt hit her, although she did beat me up one nite and i didnt even hit back which i regret! yes but will the guards be able to do anything? its mostly very quietly done so i have no proof except records from school?

cooltown

kflynn wrote: »

i wouldnt hit her, although she did beat me up one nite and i didnt even hit back which i regret! yes but will the guards be able to do anything? its mostly very quietly done so i have no proof except records from school?

I was told before by a somebody that the gardaí could deal with bullying!! Get a diary and write down every thing that happens! Try and record some of the things she says on a phone etc! Even if the gardai just gave her a call it might give her a scare!

Peleus

The one thing a bully is looking for is a rise out of you. Bullies are looking for entertainment or something to make themselves feel better.

Don't give them that and they'll get bored of you. And always stand your ground if you're attacked.

Look at people who don't get bullied and see what they all have in common.

Doc

Peleus wrote: »

...always stand your ground if you're attacked...

I completely agree particularly when it comes to people who physically bully. As a child I was always small for my age and I also had incredibly bucked teeth so I was picked on. If ever someone physically attacked me I would fight back as hard as I possibly could even if they where much bigger then me. They might try it once or twice but the person who tried to hurt me would know that I would hurt them back and not just sit there and take it so they would look for an easier target.

Bullies don’t like to be stood up to.

Black Swan

When turning teen I had to stay with relatives across the pond in Evanston Illinois for a bit while my Da sorted out some things back home in Galway. I had reached my height early, and a boy used to shove, bump, and bully me, calling me the Jolly Green Giant, because I was tall, Irish, and had an accent. That's what prompted me to take kick boxing, and later taekwondo. Problem solved.

cooltown

Doc wrote: »

I completely agree particularly when it comes to people who physically bully. As a child I was always small for my age and I also had incredibly bucked teeth so I was picked on. If ever someone physically attacked me I would fight back as hard as I possibly could even if they where much bigger then me. They might try it once or twice but the person who tried to hurt me would know that I would hurt them back and not just sit there and take it so they would look for an easier target.

Bullies don’t like to be stood up to.

Don't ever hit a bully! They will only use it against you. If you were to report the bullying the could say she assaulted me. Remember if you hit them you are going down to there level! If anybody is every bullying you make eye contact. Don't stare at the floor! Speak to them in a clear voice! Tell them that I don't really care what you think!
Have a look at this site you might find it helpful!
http://www.abc.tcd.ie/
Have a look at these as well.
http://www.spunout.ie/health/Healthy-mind/Bullying/Bullying
http://www.spunout.ie/health/Healthy-mind/Bullying/Beth-Ditto-talks-about-bullying
http://www.spunout.ie/health/Healthy-mind/Bullying/Bullying-at-work
http://www.spunout.ie/health/Healthy-mind/Bullying/Cyber-and-text-bullying

Victor

Doc wrote: »

I completely agree particularly when it comes to people who physically bully. As a child I was always small for my age and I also had incredibly bucked teeth so I was picked on. If ever someone physically attacked me I would fight back as hard as I possibly could even if they where much bigger then me. They might try it once or twice but the person who tried to hurt me would know that I would hurt them back and not just sit there and take it so they would look for an easier target.

Bullies don’t like to be stood up to.

But often, the bully is looking for the (over)reaction. Violence is rarely the solution.

Doc

Victor wrote: »

But often, the bully is looking for the (over)reaction. Violence is rarely the solution.

True I would not sujest anyone instagate violence towards anyone over somthing they were saying or escolate the level of violince if someone was just say pushing you.

But if someone is trying to beat you up then defending yourself and fighting your own corner is the appropreat response.

I have seen kids picking on other kids and because the one being picked on dose nothing to fight back it continues and keeps hapening. I was never the bigest or strongest kid but if a bigger stronger kid started hitting me I would fight back because I knew if I let him do it to me once nothing would stop him doing it to me again.

People who like to physicaly bully others will look for the easyest targets. If you fight back you are not the easy target.

D-Generate

Victor wrote: »

But often, the bully is looking for the (over)reaction. Violence is rarely the solution.

Having attended single sex education (male) at both primary and secondary level I am inclined to disagree with you. Unfortunately it was often the case that when the victim did fight back then the bullying did stop.
Heck I saw it all the time, a kid was being bullied, the kid fought back and then for the weirdness part, the kid and the bully became friends or were at least amicable.

However now that the OP is in college I certainly think its a bit late for the old methods of sorting out bullying.

irishh_bob

kflynn wrote: »

i wouldnt hit her, although she did beat me up one nite and i didnt even hit back which i regret! yes but will the guards be able to do anything? its mostly very quietly done so i have no proof except records from school?

let me get this straight , the same person who bullied you in primary school ( whe you were a kid ) and in secondary school , is still bullying you ???

sounds like some kind of psycho your dealing with

Zen65

kflynn wrote: »

what can you do about it? been going on since primary school in college now still going on! live in a small town so their lies get around fast! seems like it s never going to end i am so angry and upset over it! any advice?!

What do you mean by "bullying"?

Is it physical, or verbal? Is this person ignoring you, taunting you, or being physically abusive with you?

Z

LegacyUser

Op didnt say that it was the same person bullying her/him since primary school.


Often it's the same situations, different people.
Just reading some of the links there posted by cooltown, its interesting to see that boys bully differently from girls. Girls use exclusion and silence.

There's a girl in my college, who destroyed the very first thing I made last year, and was deliberatly looking for a rise out of me so she could establish me as some kind of adversary from the very start. I fixed What she undid and continued to ignore her, but had to work with her on a team at the start, so it was difficult.
She continued to exclude me in many ways, when she would be rounding up people to go to lunch would leave me out.

I am wise to her though, and she will be on a k2k basis this year.
Thats *need to know*


I don't know what to suggest to you op, but just this. You have to be around these people because you are all on the same journey towards the same goal. Some of those people may be making it difficult for you to get there, due to their own lack of confidence, or whatever ( read links ) But DO NOT let their behaviour screw your chances up. Be impeccably polite, and reach the goal that you have made for yourself. And then when you get there you are under no obligation to remain in touch or "Friends" with people who bullied you.


Be careful about the online side of things too, Never talk to someone online, whom you don't 100% know the real identity of. Don't accept "friend" requests from anyone whom you know not to be a real friend, in a effort to fit in.

And, remember that at the end of the day, YOU are your own best friend.

And good luck.

LegacyUser

Im guessing the op is female and the bully is female.

I just want to pick up on something the D Generate wrote above. I have no experience of male - male bullying, but growing up with males and from my experience males would often solve problems using violence. A good fight and its out of their system and more often than not its over, in the past, buried, and no way would either party go crying assault to the gardai. And often would be bizarre afterwards because give it a little time and they would be on speaking terms.

Female - Female bully is very different. Its more often emotional bullying which is even worse. My bully provoked me so much one night with her foul dirty mouth. I was always so good at ignoring her but this one night she really did push me over the edge and im sorry to say i gave her a good whacking so that she would just stop with that filthy talk. BIG MISTAKE. She has been threatening me for months about going the gardai with assault. Please op for your sake dont hit her

irishh_bob

ME.TOO wrote: »

Im guessing the op is female and the bully is female.

I just want to pick up on something the D Generate wrote above. I have no experience of male - male bullying, but growing up with males and from my experience males would often solve problems using violence. A good fight and its out of their system and more often than not its over, in the past, buried, and no way would either party go crying assault to the gardai. And often would be bizarre afterwards because give it a little time and they would be on speaking terms.

Female - Female bully is very different. Its more often emotional bullying which is even worse. My bully provoked me so much one night with her foul dirty mouth. I was always so good at ignoring her but this one night she really did push me over the edge and im sorry to say i gave her a good whacking so that she would just stop with that filthy talk. BIG MISTAKE. She has been threatening me for months about going the gardai with assault. Please op for your sake dont hit her

not related to the OP i know but if giving her a clatter put paid to her verbal assault , it was worth it , thier are worse things than having an assault charge brought against you and having your charecther repeatedly attacked is one of them

Silverfish

From the charter:

Suggesting violence as a problem solver is just not on in this forum and will result in an instant banning.

We cannot endorse or encourage people to assault other people as a solution to an issue.

Please, can we avoid giving answers of this type. Thank you.

Now that's there's sufficient warning in this thread, we will be banning people who ignore this warning.