Friend's drama gone too far this time

LegacyUser

I was out with some friends last Friday and ended up going dancing with one of the girls and two of the boys. The girl, I'll call her Jo, got way too drunk and had to be carried out. One of the lads, Pete, said he'd bring her home and myself and the other fella, Tom, headed back to mine for a few drinks. Pete said he'd drop over once he'd got her home. Anyway, about 30 minutes after Pete left us he rang to confirm my address as Jo was so out of it that she had given him the wrong address and they had woken up some poor old dear trying to get into a house that wasn't Jo's. They did some more driving around in the taxi, Jo puked on herself and out the window and Pete said enough is enough and brought her back to mine so she could sleep it off and to avoid having to pay a massive clean up fee in a taxi.

So they arrived back and I put her in the spare room with a basin by the bed and made sure to check on her constantly. A few times she was semi conscious when I went in to her and she kept asking if she could go and lie down in my bed with my boyfriend (she likes to think he fancies her) I of course said no and left her in the spare room. So that was all fine and then she woke up about 7am as the boys were leaving and insisted she had to go home. I filled her in a little bit on how ill she had been, why her clothes were covered in puke etc. All grand and she went on her way.

A few hours later she rang me demanding to know why I had left her on her own with Pete. She has known Pete as long as she's known me and when she was off her face she would only listen to him. She then started to tell me that she has this "terrible feeling" that something bad happened the night before in the taxi. She said that she was "sore down there" and was freaking out. She's a virgin (I'll explain that in a minute) and said that based on what others have told her, the feeling she had down there is consistent with having had sex. When she described it to me I told her that in my opinion it sounded like a kidney or a bladder infection, which would be understandable given that she was at one point sitting on the ground in a very short skirt unable to get up. This was ignored and she said "but I'm not on the pill!! Oh my god!!" I said to her "Are you saying you think Pete assaulted you?" She was. A few days later she tells me she went to the doctor to check if he had indeed been assaulted and the doctor said there was no evidence at all but...she did have a kidney infection. I was furious. Absolutely furious. She basically got herself into a complete mess and then accused one of our friends of sexually assaulting her. I haven't spoken to her since and I'm really unsure how to proceed.

I should probably give a bit of background here. She comes from a broken home, doesn't have a great relationship with her mother and lived with her grandparents for a long time. She has always been an attention seeker, loving a bit of drama, but never to this extent. I always sort of felt sorry for her. I was happy to go for a drink with her or out for lunch but I was always fully aware that our time together would revolve around her. She's the type of person that doesn't know how to have a conversation. She waits until you stop speaking and continues on with her train of thought completely ignoring what you just said. Its the same in group situations, in the pub or whatever. Everyone is discussing one topic and she'll pipe up with something entirely irrelevant thats all about her. The virginity thing is another example of the drama she seems to thrive on. She claims that her brother abused her as a child. Further questioning of this reveals that her step-brother was drunk and tried to kiss her when she was a teen. This is the extent of the "abuse". I myself was raped in my teens, she knows this, and when she starts this stuff about her abuse it's all I can do to bite my tongue. She once said to me "But you don't understand, I had to see him everyday. You didn't." This abuse is apparently the reason for her virginity. She says she is physically unable to have sex, to the extent that a smear test resulted in tears and a counselling session with the practice nurse about her "horrific experience as a child".

Basically, I'm at the end of the tether here. I really don't feel that I can continue the friendship after this latest incident but I feel guilty for at the same time. She could have done some serious damage with those accusations. Should I give her a chance and try and convince her to get help? Or should I cut her out of my life?

tenchi-fan

Cut her out!

I dealt with enough headwreckers over the years to know it always ends badly.

Zen65

drama-allergy wrote: »

Should I give her a chance and try and convince her to get help? Or should I cut her out of my life?

Cut her out of your life.

Then be sure that Pete knows what she has said about him, so he can cut her out of her life also.

This girl is a vexation to your spirit.

Be at peace,,
Z

Taltos

We had a friend like that too.

HAD....

What's next? You drugged her and pimped her to your boyfriend

Shelga

Yeah cut her out, OP. She sounds like someone who has no understanding of the concept of personal responsibility. I know the type.

Sound Bite

OP, get rid of her. That's a terrible accusation to make about someone. God only knows how many others she's told also. Make sure you tell your friend what she has said about him & preferably when she's present. Ask her to explain herself.

Some people are dangerous and toxic, she's one of them.

JonathanAnon

Your friend sounds dangerous.. She pretty much accused the lad of rape, and that after you had to babysit her for the night.. If you keep letting her away with this behaviour she will keep doing it. You need to tell her how you feel and that you dont feel comfortable going out with her anymore as her behaviour is becoming increasingly more erratic.

Fiend-Foe

drama-allergy wrote: »

She comes from a broken home

Just a side note, I really resent this phrase and had to deal with it a lot when I was younger. I think it's bull, lots of people are like this regardless of their up-bringing and most people from "broken homes" are normal well adjusted people as adults.

LegacyUser

Fiend-Foe wrote: »

Just a side note, I really resent this phrase and had to deal with it a lot when I was younger. I think it's bull, lots of people are like this regardless of their up-bringing and most people from "broken homes" are normal well adjusted people as adults.

Of course most people from broken homes can be normal well adjusted adults, however I do feel that the nature of her upbringing does play a part in why she seeks attention the way she does. For example the only attention she gets from her mother is criticism regarding her older and "better" sibling, who by all accounts is equally dysfunctional. I'm not excusing her behaviour, rather supplying some background which may indicate why she acts this way. She doesn't know her dad, as far as I know he left when she was a baby.

Thank you to all for taking the time to reply. She appears to be oblivious to the fact that I'm annoyed with her. This is fairly standard. I think I will have to take a step back. But I am unsure as to whether or not I should tell her, or just phase her out, so to speak.

Agent J

It'll only get worse unless this girl gets help.

Get yourself out of harms way.

Be warned you cant make anyone nor should you take the same action.

LC2010HIS

hey Op
im sorry u have to deal with this crap after experiencing rape
she obviously is self centred with alot of issues. And ur not a doctor.
I have a friend like this atm whom im trying to rid myself of.
listen, u need to walk away. cut her out.
she could of ruined that guys life, after he looked after her.
she clearly is toxic and has relationship issues. its not ur responsibility.
maybe u should tell her mother and let her deal with her. then theres no guilt on ur part ....

R.D. aka MR.D

Hey

What a horrible situation to be in. But there is only one option. As pretty much everyone has said-cut her out of your life.

Tell her exactly why too otherwise she'll think there is just something wrong with you :rolleyes: These people are all the same!!

She is dangerous. She is an adult so there is no need to feel sorry for her. We've all had a hard time some a harder time than others but still manage to function. If she can't function then tell her she needs to see some one.

Tell her that and don't contact her again.

Lust4Life

Sometimes cutting someone out of your life is easier said than done.
You feel you have cut them out, and yet they still come round.
The trick is to mentally detach from their drama. Allow them to ramble on and then just change the subject or make an excuse to leave. They won't hear you anyway so it's fair play!

panda100

Op, what is your friend like minus the drink? I have a friend who is also a bit of an attention seeker but this multipliesX1000 when she drinks. I find it best to be around her when in non-alcohol settings.

You should let her know that her behaviour is completely out of line and you will not associate with her If she continues the way she is.

LegacyUser

Tell your boyfriend not to get into any situation where he is alone with her god knows what story she'll make up next.

tinkerbell

drama-allergy wrote: »

A few times she was semi conscious when I went in to her and she kept asking if she could go and lie down in my bed with my boyfriend (she likes to think he fancies her) I of course said no and left her in the spare room.

I said to her "Are you saying you think Pete assaulted you?" She was.

Ok this is what really stood out for me .... why are you friends with a girl who asks you if she can lie down in bed with your boyfriend?!!?!?!?? I mean come on!! I mean if one of my friends asked me that, I'd be telling them to F off and never speak to me again. And also she likes to think he fancies her?!?! Yet another reason to never speak to her. What an attention seeking hussy she is.

As for the whole Pete thing, this girl is dangerous. Complete drama queen, gets wasted and then tries to make stuff up about being assaulted. Seriously, I would drop her like a hot potato, she is not a friend, she's really dangerous, and god only knows what she'll come up with next.

LC2010HIS

hmm shes dangerous. id be careful. the friend im trying to cut out is mentally unstable and frankly, a dangerous bítch. like this one.
anyway, 2yrs ago, i said enuf is enuf and cut her out and didnt speak to her. she then went to my other friend saying i was talking bs about this friend and i was like "wtf". once u turn ur back on them, they are poison.
think about it, if she said those things about that guy pete, whats she sayin about you?
i know for a fact the toxic friend in my life spread crap about me when i was 13 only. i didnt even have a chance. and shes still the same. we'r 19 now and im just done with it all.
IMO, if u can trust Pete, tell him everything so hes aware as you prob arent the only one she told. also, make ur boyf aware.
id sit the boys down and tell them. im sure they'll take ur side and wont be long cutting her off.
cause if u do it one ur own, ur screwed. she'll destroy ur rep so fast with a few words u wont know what happened.
trust me. i think u shud discuss this with the lads. and u can all either push her away slowly but surely or confront her and tell her whats what. whatever u do, do not do it on ur own cause she'll turn it on u. i know myself. ive been there.
she needs help and a kick up the arse. id defo tell her mother when shes not around. make her aware too cause next, she'll be claiming suicide or u bullied her. trust me, ive been there.
u deserve better. and the fact she said that about UR BOYFRIEND?
its all part of the attention seeking.
their manipulative, self centred, compulsive liars ,they will degrade anyone to have something to say or feel better about themselves when really they know they arent normal, and will put out for anyone for a looking. tbh, my confidence was zero over the last few months. i was drained for 6years when i could of been out having fun.

sounds like its a result of her home life. the toxic friend i have has had a terrible home life. its not ur fault.

get her outta ur life. cause, again, with these types of people, they drop u the minute they feel superior, and cling to u wen their inferior. their a mess. move on and up. dont let her drag u down. shes only doing it so she can stand on u....

good luck - pm me if u wanna chat or watevr

LegacyUser

panda100 wrote: »

Op, what is your friend like minus the drink? I have a friend who is also a bit of an attention seeker but this multipliesX1000 when she drinks. I find it best to be around her when in non-alcohol settings.

She pretty much is the same, but to a lesser extent. If the conversation is not about her she has no interest. If I attempt to talk to her about something, not even anything important, she will suddenly become very interested in her phone, interrupt me to talk about something to do with her, or else wait until I have finished speaking, ignore what I said, and talk about what she wants to talk about. Its incredibly frustrating and it's plain rude really. She is the type of person that while I can only handle her in small doses, I never thought there was any malice in her. When she was accusing Pete of assaulting her she was so....robotic. Like there was no emotion there at all. Although the disappointment was evident when the doctor confirmed the kidney infection.

LC2010HIS wrote:

cause if u do it one ur own, ur screwed. she'll destroy ur rep so fast with a few words u wont know what happened.

Definitely not going to happen. In our group of friends I am the one who tolerates her and invites her out. While the others don't actively dislike her, they do find her self-obsession very grating. Also we are all around 27 years of age and childish backbiting doesn't go down well with my friends at all.

I do take the point about the possibility of her inventing stories about my boyfriend and this is of course something I want to avoid. She could have destroyed Pete's life very easily and I have no intention of seeing it happen to my boyfriend.

I think a conversation will be had very soon. There is enough going on in my own life without someone else's drama. Thanks to everyone again, you've all been an enormous help.

tenchi-fan

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Cut her out!

I dealt with enough headwreckers over the years to know it always ends badly.

Exactly, you wouldnt walk in a field where you knew there was landmines. This girl is a bomb waiting to go off and gave 2 major hints. the fact she wanted to jump into bed with your boyfriend?

A few times she was semi conscious when I went in to her and she kept asking if she could go and lie down in my bed with my boyfriend (she likes to think he fancies her). I of course said no and left her in the spare room.

And the more blatant accusation of rape toward her friend.

this girl is very insecure and there is an obvious need to feel desired. her problems go way beyond what you can do.

skooterblue

the person I really feel sorry for is Pete, he did the chivalrous thing and yet he is accused of sexual assault. That kind of thing sticks to a name. I would put as much distance between ye'er selves and her.

BettePorter

skooterblue wrote: »

the person I really feel sorry for is Pete, he did the chivalrous thing and yet he is accused of sexual assault. That kind of thing sticks to a name. I would put as much distance between ye'er selves and her.

this is the kinda thing that infuriates me, someone tries to do the right thing and is details away from having their lives ruined. its things like this that make ppl not want to get involved in ppls issues. the things is, this dangerous b**ch will cry wolf one time too often but on on her way there destroy good meaning friendships. cut all ties quicksmart, apart from feeling sorry for her you don't mention any redeeming qualities or effort she brings to your friendship and as the saying goes, 'lie with dogs and you'll wake up with fleas'..............you may be doing nothing for your own rep maintaining the friendship.

Beruthiel

drama-allergy wrote: »

I said to her "Are you saying you think Pete assaulted you?" She was.

Crying rape when there wasn't one is utterly despicable.
Pete has a right to know that she is quite happy to accuse him of such a serious crime after he went to the trouble of trying to get her home safely.
A friend who helps you out like that doesn't deserve such shocking treatment.
She's a waste of space. Get rid of her.
She's clearly more trouble than she's worth. She cannot blame her childhood on that kind of behaviour. It isn't a get out clause.

btw - I would tell her why she's being dumped. It might be a wake up call.

dolphin city

whose friendship is more important to you = your boyfriend and his friend

or this woman.

When you find your answer to that, you will have the answer to your question,but you will need to get rid of one or other of them - either her and your boyfriend.

I think you know what you must do.

How Strange

+1 Pete has a right to know what she said about him and also for his own sake so he makes sure he's never alone with her again.

What if other people found out what she was saying about him? Mud sticks and his name would be ruined.

I thought you were around 18 from the first few posts but ffs she's 27. If I were you I'd cut her out of your life before she makes allegations about your bf. She already has her eye on him so what happens if she says next time she stays over that he came into her room and assaulted her.

I think you're being very naive if you don't consider her potentially dangerous.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

Crying rape when there wasn't one is utterly despicable.
Pete has a right to know that she is quite happy to accuse him of such a serious crime after he went to the trouble of trying to get her home safely.
A friend who helps you out like that doesn't deserve such shocking treatment.
She's a waste of space. Get rid of her.
She's clearly more trouble than she's worth. She cannot blame her childhood on that kind of behaviour. It isn't a get out clause.

btw - I would tell her why she's being dumped. It might be a wake up call.

going unreg for this for obvious reasons.

OP you need to tell Pete. Coming from someone who was helpful like Pete brining home a girl back to their house in a taxi cause she was to drunk to stand. she got sick in the taxi and didn't know were her house was(I had to ring her BF to get the proper address he was out of town that night). The taxi ended up being 35 euro that I had to pay for(didn't mind doing it at the time)

The next week her boyfriend came up to me yelling and shouting accusing me that I assaulted his girlfriend I told him that never happened I dropped her off made sure she got into the house and went on back home to my house in the taxi. It took a few weeks for him to believe me and for those weeks I felt alienateded and felt like everyone was talking about me. The boyfriend came up to me a few weeks later telling me that his girlfriend admitted noting happened and made up the story so people would make her feel embarrassed on how drunk she was that night.

For those few weeks I felt extremely depressed loosing my friends, and to this day some people might of heard of the story about me, and not really know the truth. Pete deserves to know what he is being accused of, even if she said he didn't in the end. Just incase she did tell other people, he has the right to know what people are saying about him.

cheekyass

I would be very careful with this girl. She is toxic. I've come across a few ppl over the years like this. Be careful that she doesn't go gossiping/bitching/ fabricating stories about you.

Try and be totally honest. I would tell Pete the story and then tell the rest of the ppl that were involved that night.

I would also talk to her honestly (be careful how you phrase everything) but essentially tell her that you don't appreciate her behavior and you think its best that you have no dealings with her in the future.

Best of Luck,

Hope this works out!