handfasting ceremony

inquisitive one

Hi,

Trying to find out a bit about handfasting - very romanced with the idea of 'tying the knot' as our marriage ceremony but am not pagan & am worried about how this will be perceived by a predominately RC gathering of guests. Have found details of a celtic monk (dara molloy) who conducts this type of ceremony but want to find out a bit more before making any decisions.

Thanks, any help or advice would be gladly welcomed.

seamus

If you choose any kind of non-RC ceremony, you will always have one or two old traditionalists who will say that they would have prefered a good mass.

Most people will enjoy seeing something new and really only care about the meaning of the ceremony - the format of the ritual is of less importance.

inquisitive one

Thanks Seamus, I can appreciate that there will be some traditionalists & that we'll never please everyone will just have to ensure we inject enough of ourselves into our ceremony to make them remember it for the right reasons.

Thanks again.

Heineken Helen

I've looked this up and I thought many priests do the handfasting ceremony? I could be wrong?:o

hazeler

Heineken Helen wrote: »

I've looked this up and I thought many priests do the handfasting ceremony? I could be wrong?:o

I think that if you ask your priest he will perform it. It's not an exclusivley pagan tradition, it's a celtic one. Under Brehon law, it was the only way you could announce your engagement and after a "year and a day" you decided to either part ways or make it official by signing a marriage certificate.

Like Seamus said, you will always have the nay sayers but if you are happy with the handfasting and like what it symbolises then who are they to say it's not right.

whatdoicare

We were married by Dara Molloy, handfasting included, he did an absolutely fantastic job, he's a real sweetheart and even the most fundamental of religious family members loved it!
We missed out on this but apparantly he can also register yr wedding now too as he's a recognised priest!:)
He is well worth having for yr wedding, very obliging and made our day extremely special (to the extent that at a cousins wedding all the groom could talk about was our wedding!)
PM me if you want details.

inquisitive one

don't know of any priests that conduct the ceremony, perhaps there are some out there that do but haven't found them, that said we are more than happy with dara molloy & what he offers, unfortunately he isn't a registered soleminiser so by going with him (which we are ) we will have to do the registry office too to make it legal but we are just looking at this as the paperwork bit of it & the handfasting will be our marriage.

whatdoicare wrote: »

He is well worth having for yr wedding, very obliging and made our day extremely special (to the extent that at a cousins wedding all the groom could talk about was our wedding!)
PM me if you want details.

Thanks whatdoicare for your kind offer, we have actually attended one of his ceremonies and it was beautiful......but it was a small gathering wereas we are having a big gathering & I was concerned about how it would be perceived by others but I've given it a lot of thought over the weekend & have decided that they can think what they like its not about them its about us & we plan to enjoy our day in its entirety & who knows they may actually enjoy it.

thank you all for your advise & comments.

whatdoicare

inquisitive one wrote: »

don't know of any priests that conduct the ceremony, perhaps there are some out there that do but haven't found them, that said we are more than happy with dara molloy & what he offers, unfortunately he isn't a registered soleminiser so by going with him (which we are ) we will have to do the registry office too to make it legal but we are just looking at this as the paperwork bit of it & the handfasting will be our marriage.





Thanks whatdoicare for your kind offer, we have actually attended one of his ceremonies and it was beautiful......but it was a small gathering wereas we are having a big gathering & I was concerned about how it would be perceived by others but I've given it a lot of thought over the weekend & have decided that they can think what they like its not about them its about us & we plan to enjoy our day in its entirety & who knows they may actually enjoy it.

thank you all for your advise & comments.

As far as I know, Dara has just recently been given permission to be a solemniser - I would have a chat with him about it if I were you. His website says no, but as far as I can see he hasn't updated it in about four years.

Also, just for the record, there was 140 at our wedding and not one person had a bad word to say and there are some pretty strict (and vocal) catholics amongst my family, one being my mom who was not at all happy about my decision until she saw the ceremony, now she won't shut up about how she loved it.

Delighted you decided to go with Dara, you will not be disappointed!:)

inquisitive one

i will definately speak to him about it, would be great if he could do it all but we will go with him regardless.

thanks for sharing your experience with me, I feel more confident in my decision now particularly as my mum is one of the people i have concerns with, thanks.

whatdoicare

inquisitive one wrote: »

i will definately speak to him about it, would be great if he could do it all but we will go with him regardless.

thanks for sharing your experience with me, I feel more confident in my decision now particularly as my mum is one of the people i have concerns with, thanks.

I knew I didn't imagine it, here's a link for you about it: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/ireland/article7035084.ece

If you have any questions at all about anything, let me know and I'll do my best to help you

inquisitive one

Hi thanks for that, read the article & unfortunately it says dara's application to be a solemniser was rejected:

Dara Molloy, a former Roman Catholic priest who lives on Inis Mor, applied to become a pagan solemniser but was rejected because the weddings he performs are spiritual non-religious blessings and ceremonies. Molloy has conducted about 80 wedding ceremonies a year, including for gay couples, at locations such as the foot of Croagh Patrick since he left Catholicism to become a Celtic priest in 1996.

“To be a solemniser, you have to show that you belong to a religious group and that you meet regularly,” Molloy said. “I work out of the Celtic tradition and conduct hand-fasting ceremonies, but they are spiritual and not religious.”

Would have been brilliant if he could do it all but I am convinced that this is the option for me now & will def be running with it....... now for the daunting task of writing our ceremony.....where do you begin?

iguana

inquisitive one wrote: »

Hi thanks for that, read the article & unfortunately it says dara's application to be a solemniser was rejected:



Would have been brilliant if he could do it all but I am convinced that this is the option for me now & will def be running with it....... now for the daunting task of writing our ceremony.....where do you begin?

There is at least one handfasting solemniser who can do a handfasting ceremony which is legal recognised as a marriage.

With effect from 15th December 2009,
the National Coordinator of Pagan Federation Ireland,
has been registered on the Register of Solemnisers,
under the terms of Section 53(3) of the Civil Registration Act 2004.

Consequently, it is now possible to be legally married
in a Pagan ceremony in Ireland

If you wish to be legally married in a Pagan ceremony,
please contact paganfederationireland@gmail.com
to discuss the necessary requirements.

Beruthiel

inquisitive one wrote: »

Trying to find out a bit about handfasting - very romanced with the idea of 'tying the knot' as our marriage ceremony but am not pagan & am worried about how this will be perceived by a predominately RC gathering of guests.

My parents are as RC as you can get and said nothing (At least not to my face ) when I told them I'm having a Celtic hand fasting ceremony, tailored to our needs and it will be legally binding.

It will be performed by Raymond Sweeney, who is now a registered Solemniser with the HSE.
There is a link to all Solemnisers here

More details on Ray here

inquisitive one

Thanks to Iguana & Beruthial for your comments, I have looked at your suggestions & whilst they are 100% accurate and it does put forward an option for having everything done in one sweep I don't feel this is the option for me. I am not pagan & don't feel it is right for me to be married in a pagan ceremony. I am happy enough to do it in two stages with Dara. But thanks again for your suggestions, all are appreciated.

Best wishes for your marriage Beruthial, hope you have a lovely day & a long & happy future.:)

whatdoicare

inquisitive one wrote: »

now for the daunting task of writing our ceremony.....where do you begin?

If yr still going with Dara, he emails you a whole load of material to work from and he'll meet you at least once to talk you through it.


Also, sorry about Dara not being able to do the registering, I read that article completely wrong : (

inquisitive one

If yr still going with Dara, he emails you a whole load of material to work from and he'll meet you at least once to talk you through it.

def going with Dara, all booked now:) got the resources he emailed through not quite so daunting now.... its lovely to be able to personalise the ceremony so much.

Also, sorry about Dara not being able to do the registering, I read that article completely wrong : (

Hey don't worry about it - alls well that ends well & I truly do appreciate all your advice

laobhaise

hi, im just looking into something similiar for us and curious- how did it go?

Beruthiel

Ours was a great success.
A short, relaxed, stress free ceremony.

inquisitive one

Hi Laobhaise, Our ceremony was beautiful, it was so personal & just totally reflected us as a couple. I've never seen so many people crying at a wedding, men & all. Dara works with you on the elements you wish to include in your ceremony & forwards you lots of resources to draw from. He is a lovely man and really connects with everyone. I couldn't recommend it enough it was perfect.

whatdoicare

inquisitive one wrote: »

Hi Laobhaise, Our ceremony was beautiful, it was so personal & just totally reflected us as a couple. I've never seen so many people crying at a wedding, men & all. Dara works with you on the elements you wish to include in your ceremony & forwards you lots of resources to draw from. He is a lovely man and really connects with everyone. I couldn't recommend it enough it was perfect.

Woah, I am SO glad that my advice worked out for you so well It's lovely to read how beautiful yr ceremony was - not that I had a doubt in my mind Brilliant news!

laobhaise

thanks Beruthiel & Inquisitive One for the advice!
i am really taken with the idea so I might in touch with Dara. As my oh is italian, we are planning on doing the legal stuff there, so I really like the idea of something small and intimate here.

Just one practical question; is he willing to travel from aran to location? it would prob be near cork city.. although i still must find a venue/location!

inquisitive one

he does travel, his price will include a travel charge, you should contact him & get an idea of what this will be for your area. He's a pleasure to deal with. you will find all his details on http://www.daramolloy.com/
Good luck

Woah, I am SO glad that my advice worked out for you so well It's lovely to read how beautiful yr ceremony was - not that I had a doubt in my mind Brilliant news!

Thanks Whatdoicare :-) Couldn't have been happier with everything.

Cailleachdubh

Just wondering, for those who went with Dara (or similar non-RC ceremony), what sort of venues did you go for? Indoor or outdoor? Was it hard to choose a venue? I'm thinking of this type of ceremony and like the flexibility that Dara offers. However, choosing the venue is a bit of a dilemma, especially given Irish weather etc. I'd like for it to be somewhere meaningful (not too hippyish!! If that's possible...), so a room in a hotel wouldn't really cut the mustard.

Did ye go for indoors or outdoors?

inquisitive one

Hi, very exciting stage you are at, would love to be doing all this again. We opted for a hotel - although I understand your concerns about a hotel as a ceremony venue, our ceremony room was right on the edge if a lough & had floor to ceiling windows with stunning views that really opened the place up - totally changed the hotel environment. We couldn't have been happier with our venue. Initially we had agreed with the hotel that we may have had the ceremony outside weather permitting but as the day drew nearer we opted to go indoors regardless as our numbers escalated & we didn't feel the outdoor facilities would have adequately housed everyone. The weather is so unpredictable it will always be a worry. I have seen photos of other couples who had outdoor ceremonies & they looked beautiful, there have been others in old buildings & ruins that also looked beautiful. You really are spoiled for choice for where to hold the ceremony - I know that doesn't really help you in your decision, sorry, just to give you my experience of the hotel. Good luck & happy planning.