am i being unreaonable

LegacyUser

Hey all..
ok bit of background... with boyfriend 5 months..
he seems to have crazy schedule between sports and work.. works normal job and in nightclub at weekends.. plus has nixers during week!!!!!!!!

really do see him quite a bit.. thats not a prob but feel he won't turn down extra work.. but has no prob telling me not available to do something!!!

I am and never have been dependant so dunno why this annoying me sooo much..
he makes an effort to see me.. but can't help feeling .. fitting this all in around work..
i.e im scheduled in after all work committment fulfilled..

I feel im getting petty bout this and dont feel i want to be available just when he doesn't have to work!!!

perspectives please..
thanks so much

Some more information would come in handy - have ye argued about this? What stuff have been said?

Did you know his life would be like this before committing to the relationship?

LegacyUser

hi thanks for reply,, yes its only thing we argue about.. says had these committment before us.. and took them on when not in realtionship so had more time..

If you knew he had this hectic lifestyle before getting into the relationship, then you are being somewhat unreasonable. That being said, does he make an effort to free up time to spend with you?

Taltos

Instead of hanging around waiting for him to be free - why not go out and do things yourself...

Feeling like you are just being fit in cannot be good for your self-esteem so do something that makes you feel better.

FYI - it could though be the thing that pushes this relationship over the edge - but if that is where it is meant to go well...

Cheap Thrills!

Some people have a very strong work 'ethic' others work to live.

The first type of person is just like that and they dont want to change any more than the second type do.

Personally I think life is too short to waste it on extra working hours but it's very much a personal thing.

He could be a bit of a workaholic and very difficult to change someone like that, especially if he doesn't want to change.

AnonMous

To be honest, I think it is admirable of your boyfriend that he works so hard.
Fair play to him. Many girls would love a guy with such a great work ethic...great provider etc.

If you think about it logically Op, when else does someone make time for their significant other? It is always after work and when they are off work, unless of course a couple work together.

Give the guy a break. He probably looks forward to seeing you all day and after a hard days work, i'm sure the last thing he wants to do is be arguing about how little time he makes for you.

LegacyUser

AnonMous wrote: »

To be honest, I think it is admirable of your boyfriend that he works so hard.
Fair play to him. Many girls would love a guy with such a great work ethic...great provider etc.

If you think about it logically Op, when else does someone make time for their significant other? It is always after work and when they are off work, unless of course a couple work together.

Give the guy a break. He probably looks forward to seeing you all day and after a hard days work, i'm sure the last thing he wants to do is be arguing about how little time he makes for you.

I think AnonMous is correct on this. I would have a similar work ethic/schedule as your bf and I try to be there as much as I can for my gf. For me, I really look forward to the time (however limited) I get to see my gf. My reasons for working so hard are that I was unemployed for so long so I think my gf understands my need to work so much. At first I was oblivious to her annoyance over my schedule but she calmly spoke to me about how it made her feel and I tried to adjust to her needs as much as possible. It is important to have the right balance of give and take in this situation. It is commendable that your bf works so hard. If you feel like you are second fiddle to his schedule though then maybe you should talk to him about it, but in a supportive/understanding way as is possible. Maybe ye could plan a weekend away or a holiday together, well that's what we did.... (well my gf did most of the planning TBH) but before we spoke I was oblivious to how she felt about this and maybe your bf is the same.

I am not sure if my advice is helpful but I hope it does.