Annoyed..

tupac10

So story is..

i recently broke up with my Girlfriend of 6 years.(about 6 months ago) it broke my heart but thats life.. moved on but we still stayed very good friends and we still talked a lot as friends.. i've since started seeing girl and she has no problem with me being friends with my ex.. but my ex has a new fella who has a big problem with me even tho i never met him.. he doesn't want me talking to her at all.. He even emailed me to say to leave her alone and he wants me to have nothing to do with her.. she told me not to hid him but she since then.. i havent seen or heard from her in weeks.. which is strange because we use to talk most day (We work near to each other ) its not fair that this fella that only knows her a few weeks can dictate if i can see one of my best friends... what should i do?

BKtje

If your ex decides to break contact (even if it's because the guy asked her) then seeing as it's your ex there is nothing you can do. It's her decision and it seems she has made it.

Let her give her new relationship a chance and if in a couple of months you still want to talk to her you can try again. The new guy might not feel so threatened by you at that stage.

LighterGuy

Like alot of things in life. its all about what side of the coin you're on.

yours:

• She is your friend. Why should he control who she is friends with. You want to continue being friends with her.

his:

• The new boyfriend is threatened by you. And being honest, rightfully so. When the ex boyfriend is still on the scene (you in this case)... its always tricky. But especially the ex bf who was with her for 6 years. And especially since it only ended 6 months ago. From his point of view, he would naturally be thinking "is she fully over him?" - "is she ready for another relationship?" - "does she still love him?"

My two cents... let them be. I would be feeling the same as his side.

But fact is op your 6 year relationship with this girl has ended sadly. Its nice you wanna be friends/are friends. But as time will tell, you will eventually become less friends as both of you will enter new serious relationships in the time to come.
Dont worry about her and the new guy. Worry about yourself and your new girl

tupac10

LighterGuy wrote: »

Like alot of things in life. its all about what side of the coin you're on.

yours:

• She is your friend. Why should he control who she is friends with. You want to continue being friends with her.

his:

• The new boyfriend is threatened by you. And being honest, rightfully so. When the ex boyfriend is still on the scene (you in this case)... its always tricky. But especially the ex bf who was with her for 6 years. And especially since it only ended 6 months ago. From his point of view, he would naturally be thinking "is she fully over him?" - "is she ready for another relationship?" - "does she still love him?"

My two cents... let them be. I would be feeling the same as his side.

But fact is op your 6 year relationship with this girl has ended sadly. Its nice you wanna be friends/are friends. But as time will tell, you will eventually become less friends as both of you will enter new serious relationships in the time to come.
Dont worry about her and the new guy. Worry about yourself and your new girl

I can see what your saying, but i mean the girl im with at present has no problem with me being friends with my ex.. and she was a massive part of my life for 6 years.. we lived together and we endded on such good terms.. near the end she was being a bitch to me alot and reason for my low self esteem but we've become good friend because she always was my best friend .. we both know its over and we know nothing will ever happen again.. of course i will always love the girl.. The thing that annoys me is the way he went about it.. he wouldnt have the balls to say it to my face.. he told my ex's best friend tonite if he ever sees me talking to her hes going to kick **** out of me..

Saph

Let her go. Your friendship won't suffer. You need to be putting this much emotion into your current relationship and not your ex. Friends are always there and she knows where you are when she needs a friend. If you need a friend right now turn to your girlfriend..she's the one putting the effort into you.

tangerinepuppet

Yes, let her go and prioritise your own girlfriend.

Ickle Magoo

What should you do? Nothing.

Perhaps it wasn't him dictating, perhaps she has been holding a flame for you and it's been extinguished? Perhaps she's decided her present relationship is worth more than your friendship, perhaps he's asked her not to stay in touch and she has happily complied. Does it matter? Your ex has the choice as to whether to be in touch or whether to be with this new fella. If she chooses not to continue a relationship with you in whatever capacity, that's her prerogative - just as it's your girlfriends prerogative whether to mind you being close friends with your ex or getting so upset that your ex has cut contact.

All the best.

LighterGuy

tupac10 wrote: »

I can see what your saying, but i mean the girl im with at present has no problem with me being friends with my ex.. and she was a massive part of my life for 6 years.. we lived together and we endded on such good terms.. near the end she was being a bitch to me alot and reason for my low self esteem but we've become good friend because she always was my best friend .. we both know its over and we know nothing will ever happen again.. of course i will always love the girl.. The thing that annoys me is the way he went about it.. he wouldnt have the balls to say it to my face.. he told my ex's best friend tonite if he ever sees me talking to her hes going to kick **** out of me..

Theres more to the situation that whats being said to you op.

If we step out of a situation we are currently in, then stop and think. We always will get more of whats really going on.

Your ex gf is clearly putting this new guy before your friendship op. You must see that. Which is fair enough. Shes moving on.
But you must also realise half of what he is saying eg, "kick your ass" etc, is clearly being amped up by your ex-gf saying things.

Sad fact is, you're ex-gf doesnt care about your friendship. In the world, we all have a worth in regards to someone. Your worth ended 6 months ago in her eyes. Its further proved by the fact the new bf is getting amped up.

I'd bet 50euro she said to him "oh its him who contacts me, he doesnt leave me alone" etc etc. That or something to similar effect has been said by her.


Op, she is no longer a friend.
In fact, you probably should of realised that when your heart got broke 6 months ago, but thats another topic :P
Just never speak to her again. Because sadly, you aint friends.
Look at it from this way, if she dates him for 6 months - she wont contact you for 6 months. She breaks up with him. Then she'll talk to you..... does that sound like a "friend"

Lorrs33

I agree with the above posts. Don't dwell on the past, focus on your current girlfriend. But I wouldn't recommend getting into contact with her down the line to test the water, let her get in touch with you first.

tupac10

Ok so i find out the reason she has'nt me back the few days.. he friends told me her boyfriend was down visiting her.. and he went home yesterday .. so today she arrives at my house unexpected and whats to chill for the day and i said it was a bad idea cuz her boyfriend wouldnt be happy and she said its fine were just friends.. i told her obviously doesnt se it that way.. so she stayed for bit we had fun chatted watched a dvd.. as friends.. but i feel like im being played now.. i dont get whats up with her.?

Wibbs

Ehhh she sounds a bit self centered to me. She knows the new guy is going to have a fit, yet dismisses that because it doesnt suit her. She doesnt contact you for a while, because he's around and she's occupied by him. It's all about her and what she wants. Depending on the situation, she forgets both you and his feelings. It's a common enough one too.

I had an ex similar to this. The "You're my best friend, can't imagine you not being in my life" tm. The boyfriend in my case had no idea how much contact she was in with me. She knew he wasn't pleased at all with the contact he did know about, but when I called her on it she would look all sheepish but would still keep the contact. If he went away for a weekend or wasn't around she wanted to meet up just like you described. Or if they were going through a rough patch I'd be getting more contact. Hell she admitted calling him by my name and vice versa. It fascinated me the level of selfishness involved. Looking back IMHO she needed us both to make up what she needed in her life. It was feck all to do with either of us. It was all about her and what she wanted. TBH I ended up feeling sorry for her boyfriend. He wasn't like the guy in your case, he just passively went along with it. At a time in a relationship where most of the emotional focus should have been on him, his girlfriend was emotionally attached to someone else. Worse an significant ex someone else. Poor bastard.

If I was you I would detach completely from her. Your current girlfriend may be ok with it now, but that probably wont last and she would be dead right. If she wants someone to talk with when he's not around suggest she buys a budgie.

Miguel_Sanchez

Wibbs wrote: »

I had an ex similar to this. The "You're my best friend, can't imagine you not being in my life" tm. The boyfriend in my case had no idea how much contact she was in with me. She knew he wasn't pleased at all with the contact he did know about, but when I called her on it she would look all sheepish but would still keep the contact. If he went away for a weekend or wasn't around she wanted to meet up just like you described. Or if they were going through a rough patch I'd be getting more contact. Hell she admitted calling him by my name and vice versa. It fascinated me the level of selfishness involved. Looking back IMHO she needed us both to make up what she needed in her life. It was feck all to do with either of us. It was all about her and what she wanted. TBH I ended up feeling sorry for her boyfriend. He wasn't like the guy in your case, he just passively went along with it. At a time in a relationship where most of the emotional focus should have been on him, his girlfriend was emotionally attached to someone else. Worse an significant ex someone else. Poor bastard.

Do you and I share an ex-girlfriend Wibbs because that sounds exactly like someone I used to go out with?

Tupac10 - 6 months doesn't seem like a very long time to get over someone you were with for 6 years. Are you sure you don't still hold a candle for her?

Personally, and this is speaking as someone who's been through the mill a few times, I'd advise you to cut contact with her for a while.

She loves the attention, knows that you probably still like her and is thriving on that. If you're just friends and everything is above board then why no contact when her boyfriend is around? Ask her why you all don't go for a pint together. I think you'll get your answer then.

I imagine that what she says her boyfriend is ok with and what he really would be ok with if she was actually telling him the truth are quite different things.

Wibbs

Jeff_Lebowski wrote: »

Do you and I share an ex-girlfriend Wibbs because that sounds exactly like someone I used to go out with?

That would be funny, but I doubt it. Last I heard that particular ex was still going out with the same guy. Like I say its pretty common.

Tupac10 - 6 months doesn't seem like a very long time to get over someone you were with for 6 years. Are you sure you don't still hold a candle for her?

Or more likely he still feels an emotional responsibility to her and of coures 6 years is a long time so you would be very used to having her in his life.

Personally, and this is speaking as someone who's been through the mill a few times, I'd advise you to cut contact with her for a while.

+1

She loves the attention, knows that you probably still like her and is thriving on that. If you're just friends and everything is above board then why no contact when her boyfriend is around? Ask her why you all don't go for a pint together. I think you'll get your answer then.

Yep I reckon you would alright.

I imagine that what she says her boyfriend is ok with and what he really would be ok with if she was actually telling him the truth are quite different things.

Nail on the head.

LegacyUser

OP....cut the contact for your own sake. Make this all about you. I was in something similar and it drained me and wore me down. Some people just take advantage of your good nature. Take what we're all saying on board. It'll take time but you'll get there. Keep busy....friends and family are great. I ended up changing my phone number as my ex just wouldnt leave me be, i always gave in to the calls and texts. Do whatever you need to do to break away from this, she's controlling you.
And Wibbs....I was in exactly the same boat as you...and like you i feel sorry for my ex's girlfriend. But it's all about me now!
OP you will get there....I thought I never would and well ...I'm really getting there now

tupac10

thanks a million guys and girls.. really nice to know from people that have been threw it before and yer advice is very much appreciated , i honestly dont still hold a flame for her.. for the last few months of our relationship she treated me like utter ****e.. walked all over me but since we've finished we've started to become close friends and both know were better the way we are now..

i've told her the next time hes down to call down and we'll all go out for few pints.. shes not too keen on the idea .. for some reason this guy hates me with a passion.. from what i've been told is her mother ( who loved me like a son , and still do jobs round the house for her ) is'nt fond of the new fella and talks about me alot around him..

but im gonna try and not contact her for awhile and see how things go..

at the moment im in a job i love with a gorgeous girlfriend and the best family and friends i could asked for.. life is just about perfect and i couldnt be happier.. so im not gonna let her and this new fella ruin it.. if she wants to stay friends fair enough but its not worth getting my ass kicked by this new guy.

newtothis2010

tupac10 wrote: »

thanks a million guys and girls.. really nice to know from people that have been threw it before and yer advice is very much appreciated , i honestly dont still hold a flame for her.. for the last few months of our relationship she treated me like utter ****e.. walked all over me but since we've finished we've started to become close friends and both know were better the way we are now..

reading the bolded print it struck me that I guess its hard for her to change a habit.... she's not being fair to you or indeed new guy, whatever anyones sentiments are about him, she chose him as a boyf and she should look to him for all that entails, be it physical, emotional, or liturgical!..

everyone else is right, cut contact and continue in your life, reckon theres a fair percentage of us have gone through this stage with an ex and yet its only when ya step back and remove the contact that you can see how great life actually CAN be without the emotional leech (for want of a better phrase) hanging around... Plenty more people to build friendships with in this world...

Sounds like ya've a good thing going on, just get rid of the deadwood there now and you'll be one step closer to perfection..