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always confused

  • 12-08-2010 10:45am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am in my 20's.so basically I started meeting up with this guy last few months on/off only kissing and going on a few dates. The last time we met up I knew that it might happen and I wanted it (being sex) to happen but I got nervous and agitated and kinda was ignoring any of his moves and pulling away when we were kissing. He asked me if I was a virgin. The thing is I am not a virgin. I have had loving relationships with great guys but then I was raped when I was in college by a Lad that I was seeing on/off who lived beside my friends. I went to counseling but never told anyone. But I can't exactly tell that guy that I was raped. So I told him I was really nervous because I really liked him and then I said I was seeing someone else and we should just leave it. I really like this guy but its over now.

    When is it the right time to tell a guy this it isn't easy to say?


Comments

  • #2
    Contessa Raven
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 642 ✭✭✭Contessa Raven


    Hi OP,

    You don't have to tell any guy what has happened to you if you don't want to or feel ready to do so. Next time you're in that position perhaps just say that you would rather wait a bit longer. If the guy asks why just say that you don't feel ready to seal the deal.

    Any decent bloke will be fine with that. If they get pushy then I think that's the sign that they're not concerned about what you want. What happened to you was horrific and it's understandable that you're weary of getting close to guys again. When you feel comfortable enough to tell the guy why you wanted to wait, I'm sure he'll understand.


    CR


  • #3
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Firstly, i'm realy sorry to hear what happened to you. The guy who done it is the lowest of the low, a scumbag and nothing else. Try to remember that although you may not want the world to know, it would probably do you a lot of good to talk it over with someone you trust, even a trust worthy stranger at first (rape crisis centre, samaritans etc are excellent in this regard) Always remember, it wasn't your fault - there are no exceptions to this. It's sad that assholes like this even exist, but unfortunately they do!
    I fully understand why you told the guy you were nervous etc, and also that you were seeing someone else, but by continuing to do this you stand to loose out on a lot in the long term and there is no reason why you should. If he is a decent guy, you would know that better than me, he would understand why you said it too, if you explain it. Only do this if you feel ready.
    Don't let some this scumbag continue to affect you any more than he has already, you deserve much more. You don't need to tell anyone you don't want to, but remember you have nothing to be ashamed of or to hide, so don't be ashamed and don't hide. Hold your head high and get on with your life and get the most you can out of it.
    Best of luck


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