Housemate problems

kiddums

Hi,
I think this the the right froum for my problem. Sorry for it being long.

Ok so, I moved in with one of my friends a few months, he signed the contract on the house not me. At the time I needed to got out of where I lived due to threats and attemped robberies.
The problem is, as time has gone on I've become more and more stressed out living in the house. And its due to him, he has no respect for me, my stuff, my girlfriend or her stuff.(She does not live with me but most of the stuff like plates, glasses etc I have due to her helping me out when I first moved out of home).
He has a daughter who's 2 and when she's round he just lets her run round the place poking at everything and he only says anything to her if I say something first.
He has done the cleaning once since we moved in and he constantly leaves the place in a mess. I went on holiday and he had a birthday party while I was gone, the problem is I came back 3 days after the party and there was still food on the floor and the place was a complete tip. When this was pointed out to him it took him another 2 days to actually do anything about it.
He even once told my girlfriend to get out cuase she didn't pay rent.
His daughter once tried to give me back chat when I was giving out to her by saying "but this is *****'s house". Yea she calls him by his name. So clearly he's telling people its his not ours.

All of this is affecting my relationship and she doesn't seem to want to talk about it, everytime I try and ask her for advice about it she just goes off on a rant about how I don't stand up to him and how he told her to get out and I said nothing at the time. And how I said we'd come up with rules and stuff before we moved in and we didn't. Basically it turns into a row everytime I ask her advice about it and it usually ends with her say something along the lines of "You have to amke your own decisions".

My question is, do I move again knowing he won't be able to afford the house on his own and end up pissing him off royally or do I stay till the year contract is up?
I feel that the longer I stay there the more stressed out I'll get. I'm thinking moving out is the best option.
If I move out, do I move to a place on my own or in with a friend I've known 3 times as long as my current housemate?

I could really use some advice on this.

D-Generate

Its not rocket science, just move out. He burnt his bridges long ago by bein an ass so you don't owe him anything. Give your months notice and out the door you go. Be thankful its his name on the contract and not yours.

Also why didn't you say something back to him when he told your gf to leave the house?

kiddums

D-Generate wrote: »

Its not rocket science, just move out. He burnt his bridges long ago by bein an ass so you don't owe him anything. Give your months notice and out the door you go. Be thankful its his name on the contract and not yours.

Also why didn't you say something back to him when he told your gf to leave the house?

Well do I have to give a month notice as I have not signed anything to say that I would?
At least I know I'm not being irrational now, thanks.
Since I gave him half of the deposit can I kiss that good bye or will I ask the landlord for it and leave it between the two of them?

I honestly don't know. I think its because I know his humor and assumed that was a joke from him that wasn't funny, like most of his jokes. The gf didn't tell me for nearly 2 weeks that she was hurt by it, tho she didn't want me to say anything then cuz its too late.

Mary Hairy

Stay and withold rent until you owe as much as the deposit.Then leave. Piss him off. Leave a note telling him what you think of him.

Big Bag of Chips

How much was the deposit? Half a months rent?

Give him your notice, tell him you're moving, and tell him/landlord that you will pay half the months rent and the deposit will cover the other half.

I'm assuming the landlord knows that you live there?

It'll be awkward, but you have to stand up for yourself, and your gf, and get out!

kiddums

Thanks for your replies/advice.

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

How much was the deposit? Half a months rent?

Give him your notice, tell him you're moving, and tell him/landlord that you will pay half the months rent and the deposit will cover the other half.

I'm assuming the landlord knows that you live there?

It'll be awkward, but you have to stand up for yourself, and your gf, and get out!

I actually forget if it was 2 weeks rent or 2 weeks rent each (i.e a months rent) I think it was 2 weeks each, plus 2 weeks rent up front.

I'll get the landlords number off him later and I'll check with the landlord.
I still don't know do I move in with my other friend or on my own again? My other friend is planning on being moved by the end of sept. If i move in somewhere on my own chances are it will be a ****hole in a dodgey neighbourhood, but if I move in with my friend 2 then we could get somewhere better in a better area. We won't have a huge budget for rent.

Yea he does as I'm usually the one who hands him the rent money when he calls round for it. Which hopefully will be this week.

Oh I know it will be akward as we have a friend in common who is sound. I'd like to not piss him off.

LegacyUser

Hi Op, house sharing can be very hard, i had to rent for years before i had my own place, tbh i never liked sharing, i think i like my privacy too much and it can be hard when you have no choice, you have to weigh up the situation clearly with your friends cause it can add extra stress on relationships so make sure the friend you live with is someone you can communicate well with, would you move out with your GF,

It is worth your while to leave on a good note with your current situation, but just get your plan in motion and work on it and then move on, i would leave your current housemate knows its not working out so dont think he is not half expecting it, if he really cared about wanting you there he would have treated you better,

If you value your space and like your home to be down time then consider sharing with strangers and keep to yourself, i think it is hard for some people to make that choice because the friend idea sounds like the fun-ist option but consider it wisely cause you can still visit your mates houses while still having your own private space, its all trial and error really but some advice from someone who had rented for years your living environment means everything to you, it gives you your security and foundations to live from and you have to make it as positive an environment as you can even if it means living with strangers. As regards the time limit you could give him a month notice and not pay the last month as suggested, All the best anyway xoxo

kiddums

Femfatal wrote: »

Hi Op, house sharing can be very hard, i had to rent for years before i had my own place, tbh i never liked sharing, i think i like my privacy too much and it can be hard when you have no choice, you have to weigh up the situation clearly with your friends cause it can add extra stress on relationships so make sure the friend you live with is someone you can communicate well with, would you move out with your GF,

It is worth your while to leave on a good note with your current situation, but just get your plan in motion and work on it and then move on, i would leave your current housemate knows its not working out so dont think he is not half expecting it, if he really cared about wanting you there he would have treated you better,

If you value your space and like your home to be down time then consider sharing with strangers and keep to yourself, i think it is hard for some people to make that choice because the friend idea sounds like the fun-ist option but consider it wisely cause you can still visit your mates houses while still having your own private space, its all trial and error really but some advice from someone who had rented for years your living environment means everything to you, it gives you your security and foundations to live from and you have to make it as positive an environment as you can even if it means living with strangers. As regards the time limit you could give him a month notice and not pay the last month as suggested, All the best anyway xoxo

Thanks for your reply.

To be honest i'm not that bothered about putting any stress on my friendship with him, its the friend that will be caught in the middle I want to keep as a friend, he's good people. Yea I would live with my GF and kinda did when I lived on my own before, but she says shes not ready to move out properly yet, she wants to finish college and travel a bit first.

I would like to leave things on a good note due to the friend in the middle as I feel he might just go with the easy option and stay friend with my housemate(they went to school together and grew up near each other, wern't really friends as such till college).

I've been thinking about it, and considering the advice on here, and I've decided I'll move out back on my own. I should be able to afford a better place than I was in before.
The main factor in this decision was the fact that when I thought about it thats when things were going the best in my relationship. My GF told me last night that she doesn't think she can cope with all this stuff in my life as well as her own so I really want to get things back to being better with her.

LegacyUser

kiddums wrote: »

Thanks for your reply.

To be honest i'm not that bothered about putting any stress on my friendship with him, its the friend that will be caught in the middle I want to keep as a friend, he's good people. Yea I would live with my GF and kinda did when I lived on my own before, but she says shes not ready to move out properly yet, she wants to finish college and travel a bit first.

I would like to leave things on a good note due to the friend in the middle as I feel he might just go with the easy option and stay friend with my housemate(they went to school together and grew up near each other, wern't really friends as such till college).

I've been thinking about it, and considering the advice on here, and I've decided I'll move out back on my own. I should be able to afford a better place than I was in before.
The main factor in this decision was the fact that when I thought about it thats when things were going the best in my relationship. My GF told me last night that she doesn't think she can cope with all this stuff in my life as well as her own so I really want to get things back to being better with her.

Fair play to you, it may be the best solution if you can manage it because it will bring so much calm and peace to your life, i really know what its like when your sharing and its awkward, you know the bit when your coming home and dreading the tension and the anxiety it brings i used to hate that... so uncomfortable, moving out on your own is putting your needs first and giving you that sanctuary that you need you can have your GF over aswell and enjoy your own space, it will strengthen your relationship with yourself in a mature way and with your GF, living with that other crap just drains the life out of you.

Best of luck with it all XOXO