21 year old female-virgin and never had a boyfriend

LegacyUser

Title pretty much says it all

I am 21, finished college, never had a bf and now am suffering teasing from my friends for being a virgin

It's not that by choice that I am a virgin-I have just never had the opportunity.

Is this something I should be worried about. Like will guys be put off by this?

Thanks guys

neveah

I don't think you should be worried, I know people who lost their virginity when they were 14 and others who were in their early 20's but older than you. It happens at different stages for everybody and you shouldn't feel pressured by your friends.

The fact is you haven't had a bf yet so it sounds like you want to wait until you have met someone. That's a good thing. I'm sure you will meet someone so just let it happen and don't overthink it or worry about it

Giselle

I'm not impressed with your friends.:(

21 isn't unusual and I'm speaking from experience. There's nothing wrong with waiting for the right guy and until you're ready.

That is not the sort of thing that puts guys off, for the right guy it could be quite special.

Be proud you've never woken up regretting the wrong experience, your teasing friends probably aren't so lucky.:)

Contessa Raven

Your friends don't sound like very nice people. I was in your shoes once. I lost my virginity at 20. My bf was 22. It's not unusual. And most decent people won't bat an eyelid. I'm a firm believer in waiting until you are ready and with the right person.

Do what's right for you.

CR

Improbable

I honestly wouldn't worry about it. Speaking as a guy, it wouldn't bother me at all.

LegacyUser

hey op, I am in a simile situation (difference being i'm male and a little bit younger than you) First of all it would put me off either. And I know how u feel when you are being teased by your friends about this. I have even avoided going to party because of it, However there are loads of people out there that are older than you and still haven't had sex. (I know several) I wouldn't let it bother me to much I am simply at the point where I really don't care what people think. I think that';s the way you gotta look at things..

Supercell

If anything OP the first guy is going to feel special and honoured (if he is a nice guy and not a drunken one night stand) fair play for not bowing to peer pressure.
When you are 70 do you think you will remember what age you lost it at or will you remember the guy you did it with first? Age is just a number, when the moment is right its right, dont waste that because you feel pressured into it.

Dudess

I'd be far more concerned about your friends tbh.

Odaise Gaelach

As a guy, it wouldn't matter me if a girlfriend of mine was a virgin.

If you do meet a guy that does mind, well, would you really want to lose your virginity to him?

NicoleL88

The perceived problem isn't a problem at all, as others have said, these apparent "friends" are the real issue.

arsenallegend

your shouldn't worry O.p there's no shame in it and those so called friends of yours aren't worth listening too. I had Girlfriends but never lost my virginity, i have no shame in it didn't like the girls i was with (they asked me out and seen as i was shy and pretty useless with women i said yes simply cause i taught it was my only chance with women)

you don't need to worry o.p you have plenty of time

fakeaccent

EmbarrassedAndWorried wrote: »

Title pretty much says it all

I am 21, finished college, never had a bf and now am suffering teasing from my friends for being a virgin

It's not that by choice that I am a virgin-I have just never had the opportunity.

Is this something I should be worried about. Like will guys be put off by this?

Thanks guys

Your friends sound like absolute idiots, honestly, how immature. There is no set date by which you must lose your virginity. It is a personal matter and they have no business judging you on it.

Sometimes it just doesn't happen for some people in their teens. Don't put pressure on yourself at all. Most guys with a bit of cop-on won't be put off by this, they may be flattered actually.

Don't feel under pressure to lose it or you may end up regretting it if you rush into a situation.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, OP here,

Thanks so much for the responses; it's nice to be reassured.

I was at a party a few nights ago and the topic came up and to be honest, my friends ruined the night for me (although I made sure they knew about it the next day and they apologised)

Like I said it's not necessarily by choice (I have had boyfriends but never wanted to go further than kissing with them), it's more that I haven't found the right guy (opportunity never arose)

Thanks so much for the responses, I don't feel so upset now.

D-Generate

To be honest I went out with a girl who so happened to be a virgin and it did put me off. I liked her but didn't want to be serious with her and I felt that if we consumated our relationship then she would see it as more than just two adults having fun.

ManOfMystery

EmbarrassedAndWorried wrote: »

Hi guys, OP here,

Thanks so much for the responses; it's nice to be reassured.

I was at a party a few nights ago and the topic came up and to be honest, my friends ruined the night for me (although I made sure they knew about it the next day and they apologised)

Like I said it's not necessarily by choice (I have had boyfriends but never wanted to go further than kissing with them), it's more that I haven't found the right guy (opportunity never arose)

Thanks so much for the responses, I don't feel so upset now.

Your friends need to grow up. To be quite frank, it's none of their business.

There's no date or time limit for losing your virginity. People should do it when it feels right and they're comfortable with it - whether that's at 17, 20, or 40 years old.

Losing your virginity doesn't change your life. It's an experience alright, but it's a personal experience and not one you're going to share with anyone other than the person you lose your virginity to - so I've never understood some people's obsession with whether others are virgins or not.

Going by the law of averages, I'm sure there's at least one of your friends who wished they had waited longer, or waited to do it with a different person. So don't be worrying about what they think - do it when you want, rather than being a sheep and following the crowd.

LegacyUser

D-Generate wrote: »

To be honest I went out with a girl who so happened to be a virgin and it did put me off. I liked her but didn't want to be serious with her and I felt that if we consumated our relationship then she would see it as more than just two adults having fun.

Do you mind telling me what age she was?

LegacyUser

D-Generate wrote: »

To be honest I went out with a girl who so happened to be a virgin and it did put me off. I liked her but didn't want to be serious with her and I felt that if we consumated our relationship then she would see it as more than just two adults having fun.

That seems a bit ridiculous to me, what difference does it make if she was a virgin or not?? Surely you saw her as a person that you liked and not just a delicate little virgin that you might be giving notions to...

Dudess

Yeah I'd have thought virginity being an issue would surely depend on the reasons for it - e.g. prudishness. And age maybe if it was late (as in, a LOT older than 21).

D-Generate

She was 22 as was I at the time. Her reasons were partly a sheltered adolescence and partly waiting for the right person. Since she had been waiting for the right person and I knew I wasn't that crazy about her and wouldn't be making any commitments then I decided that I wasn't the right person for her and perhaps the next guy she was with would be one who wasn't going to piss off.

Sound Bite

Like Dudess said, loose the friends first, then the virginity.

I lost my virginity at 17 to a friend the week before I started college because I had it in my head I'd be the only virgin in college if it didn't. It was crap and I remember thinking what is all the fuss about? I can even remember asking him is that it?! He still slags me about that. Crazy looking back.

The second time I slept with someone was my first love in college & in hindsight, I wish I waited because there was a world of a difference.

Don't rush it. Do it when it feels right for you.

LegacyUser

To echo what nearly everyone else has said you shouldn't be worrying about being a virgin. I was a virgin until I was 23. It bothered me for a short while until I realised f*ck it, it will happen when it happens. I like you, just has not had the opportunity for it to happen. I didn't see this as any poor reflection on myself, and I don't think that is how you should view it on yourself. The first time I had sex was alrightish, but honestly nothing great. The second person I slept with I was completely in love with and it made a huge difference to how much better it was. Don't sleep with someone just to unburden yourself of your virginity, be proud and comfortable with who you are.

Your friends sound extremely immature, and perhaps you would be better suited finding more mature friends.

LegacyUser

Hey Op.
I thought Id reply as Im in a similiar situation. Im a 21 yr old guy, still a virgin, never had a girlfriend and worse still never even been kissed!!!. However I dont really care as I never met the right person. (probably because I dont go out that much, although Im improving at socialising.) So just ignore your friends their just immature and only loose it when it feels right for you and not because of peer pressure.

As for if guys would find this a turn-off the answer is ya if they are after the ride but quite the opposite for a guy who isnt into the whole one night stand thing

Dudess

It may be unusual to be a virgin at 21 (how unusual though - not that much I'd wager, try to pay less attention to the likes of Skins etc) but late? Oh good god it SO is not late!

Lorrs33

Myself and a majority of my friends didn't lose our virginities until our twenties. When you're older, you're more mature about the decision on who you want to lose it to, it's on your terms. Don't let your friends pressurise you into losing it to some stranger you hardly know, all for the sake of it. They seem to see sex as a conquest, rather than something special shared between you and the man you love and trust. And if a guy is put off about you being a virgin, then you'll dodge a bullet!

PS. Get new friends!

LegacyUser

I "lost my virginity" (what a crazy phrase!) 4 years ago, at the age of 31.

It was on my honeymoon, to my wife, who was also a virgin.

We have no regrets about our decision, and have a very healthy physical relationship.

I really can't understand this pressure people feel to "lose their virginity". Your friends sound foolish, and as for any guy who would be put off, well you're well off without them!

Something I find funny about these situations is the fact that a lot of time the people making jokes about being virgins are actually virgins themselves.

LegacyUser

Please don't think that everybody your age is having/ has had sex, as it's not true at all. I'm 19, and I'm still a virgin. What your friends sound like to me are b**chy people, who haven't grown up from secondary school. I went to an all boys secondary school, and that particular 'stigma' about being a virgin was all over the shop. I can tell you stories of people in my class who literally got depressed over the fact that they were 19 and still a virgin. I even remember one classmate in particular, who was one of those depressed over it, who had unprotected sex in a field when his first opportunity arose. And this 'classmate' is someone who is studying to become a doctor. It's amazing how people let being a virgin knock their confidence and better judgement, just because of their friends and what they preceive to be 'the norm'. I'm in college now, and the whole sex discussion is not really something people care to talk about (whether you're a virgin or not), except the student union but to advise on safe sex, give free condoms, etc.

As for me I have had only one serious relationship, but I simply wasn't attracted to her personality wise, even though we were discussing taking our relationship further. I ended it purely because it was getting ridiculous at that point. I beleive in having sex when you're in love with someone, and when you're ready. Never let the fact you're a virgin dictate that your friends are more mature than you, as more than likely it's not the case.

magneticimpulse

This is perfectly normal. Like most people said, lose the friends rather then virginity. Your friends sound like they are about 12 years old.

I was 21, nearly 22 when I lost my virginity and it was a 1 night stand. I had just finished 4 years at college. I had been waiting ages for the right person..before I just thought what the hell and gave up waiting. But seriously it was awful and im still stuck with that regret even today. Its better to wait for the right person. It will happen. Many guys at 21/22 i met were also virgins...

Even when you meet someone, it still might not be the person you spend the rest of your life with. Apparently the average number of sexual partners is around 14?? I dont know how true that is. Either way, for that reason, i wouldnt worry about it. Even after losing your virginity you can go through long periods of no sex...waiting. In fact I think its something everybody has to get used to...long periods of no sex (unless you meet the perfect person straight away).

Im 29, and its over a year since I last had sex. Its 1st time in my life where it doesnt bother me...i just think...well im sure the next right person will come along. So even thou ive lost my virginity 8 years ago...the same feeling still reoccurs when you dont have a partner and are single...so its something its good to learn how to get used to and just enjoy life.

Dudess

I remember thinking my brother and his mates were all shagging like rabbits from the age of about 16 onwards - he told me years later they were all in their late teens/early 20s when they first had sex.

I wouldn't put sex on too high a pedestal either though - e.g. waiting for the right person. Of course it all depends on the individual's preference, but you may not regret it if it's with someone who's not totally the right person - and it might be good, for instance, someone with whom you might have just a physical connection (as in, you both fancy the arse of each other) but not much else.

ApeXaviour

OP: others have dealt directly with your questions. I just want to offer some general advice.

When you do find someone you want to start with (it need not be someone you feel you will end up with), make very sure they're patient, considerate, make you feel safe and desired... and that they're at least somewhat experienced themselves. Two people who don't know what they're doing = recipe for disaster. Also a glass of wine is a good idea... but >5 really isn't.

LighterGuy

you also have to be wary of the harsh realities of this world.

BE CAREFUL who you say you're a virgin too. Many guys will have sex with a girl they mightnt be that into, just to be the first. I wouldnt even mention virginity until after a few dates.

+1 for waiting until the right guy. Dont just go out and do it. It wont change a thing. Its best to loose it to someone who is dating you.

Just try not to wait a year while dating someone. Due to the fact your a woman and 21. You'll most likely date someone older (22-25, hey could be any age) ... a nice decent guy will wait a few months but same decent guy would be having an issue after 12 months and he still hasnt had sex. Find the balance



Also, make your first boyfriend a person who you really wanna be with. A person who you wanna have sex with
I've seen it happen with a 19yo virgin girl who dated a guy for over a year. Never have sex with him once. Because she didnt want to. She was only with him because it was better than being single. Aka using. So make the right choices

Des Carter

LighterGuy wrote: »

Just try not to wait a year while dating someone. Due to the fact your a woman and 21. You'll most likely date someone older (22-25, hey could be any age) ... a nice decent guy will wait a few months but same decent guy would be having an issue after 12 months and he still hasnt had sex. Find the balance

I completely disagree with this. Please dont lose your virginity because you feel you have to or if you are being pressurised to. Only have sex (irregardless if your a virgin or not) if YOU want to and you feel comfortable with the other person (irrigardless of if youve known them for an hour or a year).

If you still dont feel ready after a year dont have sex just to be 'normal' etc as you will regret it and if he is threatening to leave you because of it then ye werent right for each other in the first place.

ApeXaviour

Des Carter wrote: »

I completely disagree with this. Please dont lose your virginity because you feel you have to or if you are being pressurised to. Only have sex (irregardless if your a virgin or not) if YOU want to and you feel comfortable with the other person (irrigardless of if youve known them for an hour or a year).

I think you're misinterpreting lighterguy's post. It was pretty above board advice.
If you're in your twenties, in a relationship with someone for 3-6 months and don't want/feel comfortable enough to sleep with them... then you really shouldn't be in that relationship.

LC2010HIS

Contessa Raven wrote: »

Your friends don't sound like very nice people. I was in your shoes once. I lost my virginity at 20. My bf was 22. It's not unusual. And most decent people won't bat an eyelid. I'm a firm believer in waiting until you are ready and with the right person.

Do what's right for you.

CR

I agree but what happens if you never meet the right person and you realise ur...i dunno, 26?

EmbarrassedAndWorried

EmbarrassedAndWorried wrote: »

Title pretty much says it all

I am 21, finished college, never had a bf and now am suffering teasing from my friends for being a virgin

It's not that by choice that I am a virgin-I have just never had the opportunity.

Is this something I should be worried about. Like will guys be put off by this?

Thanks guys

i certainly wouldn't think any less of a girl who is a virgin whether by choice or circumstances. Who wants to build relationships based solely on sex? dont get anxious, it will happen when the time is right. better then it to happen with someone worthy then some sleaze.

your "friends" are morons. better then to have something special with a person you care for and likewise then having a gap the diameter of a chimney pipe for the sake of 'experience' or merely the status of having a 'boyfriend' who thinks squat of you.

LegacyUser

21 is not too old, I lost mine at 23 and I'm a guy (apparently we're 'supposed' to loose it a lot younger but whatever). Anyway, it wouldn't put me off, in fact it would make me feel special that the girl would want me to be her first. Just don't waste it.

I have to warn you though, I lost mine to my first and current girlfriend, and she had been with 3 guys before me. I spent a long time dealing with that, and even now, over a year and a half later it still gets to me. What I guess I'm saying is don't waste it on anyone, but think carefully about who it is, and whether it will cause problems in your future relationship. You have no idea how much it will eat away at you if you have a smaller number than the one you love.

I have a feeling I'll get chewed apart for saying that, but that's just my experience

ApeXaviour

Be_Careful wrote: »

I have to warn you though, I lost mine to my first and current girlfriend, and she had been with 3 guys before me. I spent a long time dealing with that, and even now, over a year and a half later it still gets to me. What I guess I'm saying is don't waste it on anyone, but think carefully about who it is, and whether it will cause problems in your future relationship. You have no idea how much it will eat away at you if you have a smaller number than the one you love.

No sorry I've never heard such a load of rubbish. You've quite a bit of growing up to do if that's how you feel. What's eating away at you are your own insecurities that are 100% to do with you. Unsolicited advice: realise this childish attitude for what it is and get over it.

Whatever about choosing who will be your first wisely, putting virginity up on such a ridiculous pedestal is just... archaic. We are not a traditionalist society where women are bartered for based on whether they've been broken in or not... ffs

magneticimpulse

ApeXaviour wrote: »

No sorry I've never heard such a load of rubbish. You've quite a bit of growing up to do if that's how you feel. What's eating away at you are your own insecurities that are 100% to do with you. Unsolicited advice: realise this childish attitude for what it is and get over it.

Whatever about choosing who will be your first wisely, putting virginity up on such a ridiculous pedestal is just... archaic. We are not a traditionalist society where women are bartered for based on whether they've been broken in or not... ffs

It depends on the people. I lost my virginity during a 1 night stand and it was the most humiliating experience I ever had in my whole entire life. Its easy for people to say dont put it on a pedestal..but they prob at least at a relationship when they lost their virginity. Trust me, losing your virginity in a 1 night stand is not good.

After that incident when I did finally get in a relationship, I waited 6 months before having sex with the guy (he was 29 at the time) and i was 22. He never ever rushed me and he understand how bad i felt about my 1st time being the worst experience of my entire life. I was happy to have waited. Sure I knew it was not a guy I wanted to marry. But at least I knew he was someone I wanted to be in a relationship with and we ended up being together for 4 years.

It is ok to wait. If it is the right person, regardless of age, they will make sure that YOU are happy and ready when the time is right for you. Never feel pressure to lose your virginity. Sex is ok, but not so great, as in i like chocolate etc more then sex. But its still better to be with someone you love and have feelings for...rather then someone who tells you the next morning...

."Oh heres the keys love, just throw them in the letterbox on your way " (cannot stress how awful 1 night stand losing virginity is horrible)

Contessa Raven

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I agree but what happens if you never meet the right person and you realise ur...i dunno, 26?

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 26. Of course, the person should lose their virginity if they feel ready. I just would hate someone to rush into it because they feel they have to or that people would judge them for it.

The right person doesn't have to be someone you love. It could be somebody who you like and respect and most importantly trust. Just in my case, it happened to be the person I loved too.

LegacyUser

magneticimpulse wrote: »

It depends on the people. I lost my virginity during a 1 night stand and it was the most humiliating experience I ever had in my whole entire life. Its easy for people to say dont put it on a pedestal..but they prob at least at a relationship when they lost their virginity. Trust me, losing your virginity in a 1 night stand is not good.

After that incident when I did finally get in a relationship, I waited 6 months before having sex with the guy (he was 29 at the time) and i was 22. He never ever rushed me and he understand how bad i felt about my 1st time being the worst experience of my entire life. I was happy to have waited. Sure I knew it was not a guy I wanted to marry. But at least I knew he was someone I wanted to be in a relationship with and we ended up being together for 4 years.

It is ok to wait. If it is the right person, regardless of age, they will make sure that YOU are happy and ready when the time is right for you. Never feel pressure to lose your virginity. Sex is ok, but not so great, as in i like chocolate etc more then sex. But its still better to be with someone you love and have feelings for...rather then someone who tells you the next morning...

."Oh heres the keys love, just throw them in the letterbox on your way " (cannot stress how awful 1 night stand losing virginity is horrible)

Thats not fair. It completely depends on the person. I lost mine on a one night stand, I knew it was going to be a one night stand and was totally cool with that (it's the only one I've ever had by the way) and I'm so glad I did it.

1 year on and I'm still never been in a relationship or a position to be in one but I just kinda feel like it's one more life box ticked!

I am by no means saying that you should go out and lose it to whoever but I'm just saying, do what feels right for you. It's youur body and it's not about anyone else.

I should add since I didn't tell my friends that I lost my virginity a lot of them, who still assumed I was one, would come to me in confidence and confess that they were worried about being virgins forever, you are not alone.

Dudess

I lost my virginity on a one-night stand too and I was fine about it. True, it wasn't a particularly great experience or anything, but I didn't expect it to be. For me, it was "getting it over with". I was 18 and realise now (14 years later) there was no rush, so yeah, I'd probably have waited for someone more special if I had my time back, but it was what I wanted at the time - however naive.

magneticimpulse

Dudess wrote: »

I lost my virginity on a one-night stand too and I was fine about it. True, it wasn't a particularly great experience or anything, but I didn't expect it to be. For me, it was "getting it over with". I was 18 and realise now (14 years later) there was no rush, so yeah, I'd probably have waited for someone more special if I had my time back, but it was what I wanted at the time - however naive.

Thats fine if you wanted it that way. But I didnt want it. My friends in college I think all suspected I was a virgin and at the end of the night they left in taxi's to go to one side of the city...i was the other side and their friend (who wasnt in college) said he'd make sure I got home ok. They made funny "shagging" gestures...which I didnt understand why? Id known them for 4 years in college and it was all abit funny.

Because I was with their friend, I was left to believe he would make sure I got home ok. He made me walk and walk for ages (back in the day when you had to walk out of town to get a taxi)...and well it all happened and I really didnt want to be in that situation. I felt my friends had all set me up in that situation!! I was very angry and upset. I had waited so long and at 21 it was all taken away from me.

It (one night stand) might work for some people. But its horrible when you feel pressure from other people (like I did). I wished that people didnt even care back then. I mean nobody cares now whether or not i dont have sex.

If I could change the way I lost my virginity I definitely would.

Its what feels right for you. But dont feel pressure or let other people put pressure on you as otherwise you will regret it and it sticks with you for life.

Dudess

Jesus, that was horrible by your "friends".

Wow, no friends ever put pressure on me - if anything they all told me to wait until I was ready and not to think of it as a big deal (they were 15/16 when they first did the deed) but I was only recounting my experience to let the OP know that for some people it doesn't have to be put on a pedestal, for others it is more of a big deal... all down to the individual.

The "pressure" I felt was more what was coming from inside my own head...

msdk

I completely understand where you're coming from and feeling down about it. I'm 29 and a virgin who's never had a boyfriend and it's something that gets me down quite a lot of the time, my fear is that if I ever tell a bloke my situation they'll run a mile.
I know a lot of people say it isn't that big a deal and it will happen when it happens but when it's you in that situation it's a lot harder to deal with.
I suppose all we can do is stay hopeful!

But your friends do sound very mean, do they know that the situation upsets you or do you laugh it off?

ldxo15wus6fpgm

LighterGuy wrote: »

Just try not to wait a year while dating someone. Due to the fact your a woman and 21. You'll most likely date someone older (22-25, hey could be any age) ... a nice decent guy will wait a few months but same decent guy would be having an issue after 12 months and he still hasnt had sex. Find the balance

This is a load of rubbish. I went a year with my ex girlfriend with nigh on zero sexual activity, and I knew it would be that way (she was very clear about it when we first got together) and while it did raise questions I was ok with it. I'd like to think I'm a nice decent guy. A nice decent guy will not wait for a certain amount of time and bugger off. They'll wait until you're comfortable to have sex, if ever.