Going to need help supporting someone

LegacyUser

Hi Guys

You have been here for me many times before, I appreciate your advice sincerely.
I'll be pragmatic and concise, my mother looks likely to loose her mother.

"We" are myself and my brother, our father died nearly three years ago.
We are both in our early twenties, and are involved in the family business, established by our father and now run by our mother, since his death it has become her raison d'être.
The three of us also live together.
Both myself and my brother bicker, etc... while we may act half our age 50% of the time, when the **** hits the fan we are able to put it aside and get things done, the little practical things....
In short... My mother has two sons who love her, are with her, and have a degree of understanding of what she is going through, she also has sisters who are going through exactly the same thing, in the same locality.

My mother is a difficult (but very kind) person, she has a very poor understanding of what other people are feeling, or what their motivations are. I'm not worried about caring about her thoughts etc... she has a sister with whom she connects with innately.

What I would like to know is how to help in the little, practical ways. Not just for our mother but also for her sisters. What are the things you need done for you when you are dealing with death? I've been there, but TBH, I forget.
I'm a mean cook, the best I know... And I know how to make good food easy to reheat, they're not going hungry.
Apart from very very easy meals what the shag can I do to be helpful?

Kelda09

First of all, your Mother is very lucky to have her sons with her, even if ye do act half ye're age at times (It's normal, ye're boys..;) ) Just having ye around will be a big help to her. Unfortunately there isnt really a lot of advice I can give you, the idea of good, easy to heat up food is a very good idea though, it's often the times you don't feel like eating that you need proper food the most and having something handy there will make it easier. Another thing I found different times I lost people close to me is that after the initial period (funeral and couple of days afterwards) people went back to the day to day routine and the calls eased off and the visits slowed. It was then that the loss really kicked in and someone just calling around and asking "How are you?" made a huge difference. so maybe just make that bit more of an effort to call round to the aunts for a while or just give them a call on the phone for a few minutes, just to let them know their not alone.

Oh! Just thought of another thing that I really appreciated. one of my neighbours called around a day or two after the funeral and brought 2 carrier bags full of just general necessities, bread, teabags, toilet paper (It's the little things you forget when your in a daze ) etc. what a godsend!! Maybe just keep an eye that your mum and her family have the basics they need.

Most of all though, just be there for your mum and aunts, and yourself! This is your Nana, Its not going to be a walk in the park for you either, so talk to friends, family etc. Dont be afraid to be upset and cry and even be a bit angry at times. Just take care, there's no right or wrong thing to do in this situation, just do what you feel is the right thing and it will be fine! Ill keep ye in my thoughts x

LegacyUser

Kelda09, Thanks for the help!

Unfortunately, someone is ignoring conventional wisdom.
The patient has decided that her heart should resume normal function, her lungs should fight infection
It looks like the bitch is back! (She really is herself!) anyway... I'll update you if Lazarus changes her mind...

Kelda09

Well how very dare she ignore conventional wisdom!! The cheek Im delighted to hear that, just goes to show you can never know what people are capable of. She probaly found out you had posted about her on Boards and wants to kick your ass Hope Lazarus sticks around for a looong time!!