What Do I do

purejuice

Ok here goes, met a guy on the internet 2years ago, he was such a great guy and helped me get over a long relationship, we moved in 2gether and things were going great , the problem is, now I have lost my job and he keeps bringing that up, i have applied for loads of jobs but nothing seems to be happening, he works two jobs and resents the fact that I have an extra few hours more in bed, another problem is I am not from Ireland and havent made any friends here apart from his friends girlfriends who he has now fell out with and we dont see anymore. He feels like I am always here @ the house, which I am cause money is an issue to do things, would love to be hanging out with friends and doing my own thing. For the last few months he has been spending every day in the pub after work, drives home drunk, eats dinner and falls asleep, I feel like I have no life with him anymore even though I love him and know he does love me. He said he does this as he feels like I am always there and he needs some him time, yes I understand he does but not every day and not coming home in the state he does. Today I told him it was over and I felt I can do no more, he has gone to stay with his parents. I kinda dont want this to end but am at my wits end to know what to do. We rent our house and I feel when I leave I will have nowhere to go and with the current job situation I wont be able to afford to rent anywhere. Feel very low at the minute and dont know what to do for the best. Any advice is appreciated.

Ickle Magoo

Make an appointment with your local guidance counsellor and welfare officer and see what you can do and what you are entitled to apply for first of all. Secondly, unemployment is really hard - not just on the person unemployed but also on everyone else affected, it can cause cracks in the most solid relationships and is guaranteed to highlight & amplify any ongoing issues.

Go to the library and see if there are any free/cheap local clubs or groups you are interested in joining and see if you can meet people and make friends.

Btw, I hope you were just speaking metaphorically when you say he was jealous of you getting to stay in bed for a couple of extra hours when he goes to work, some solidarity in terms of getting up together and doing what you can to get a job and do more than your share of things around the house always works better to cause less friction and resentment.

Nody

You need to have a long weekend talking it out since it is quite clear things have been building up and added on for a while in your relationship. Both of you needs to be honest and see if there is any future there to work with.

I can tell you from experience I know his frustration; I had the same one with my gf where she would stay up late, chat, look for jobs etc. and then wake up around 11am. I on the other hand would be working long hours getting a project done paying for everything. Yes, I'll be adult enough to admitt that I was frustrated at times about it, the lack of progress etc. but honestly I'd say that is normal human reaction. I think part of it that you need to make clear to him is that you are trying, do engage him to read your CV, give comments on jobs etc. to make him aware how you are trying to find a job. Heck, ask him to help you find a job if he thinks it is easy!

Also what about dole (for you)? This would give some extra money at least.

purejuice

Hi, I get up at 8am or before and he gets up at 5am for his first job, i spend all day applying for jobs, doing the house and all that so its not like Im sat about all day. He is sometimes asleep for 7pm after being on the beer and again im sat twiddling my fingers. He does understand that I am trying and he knows how hard it is to find work, but he gets frustrated over the fact that he has to work two jobs, but then again he done these two jobs before he met me and when I was working, i told him to give one up and we would find a cheaper house etc but he always comes up with an excuse like I dont like that town or the people etc. I do get JSA and all my money goes on the bills and I never spend one cent on myself but that is never enough as when we argue he always brings up that he pays more than me, again if the shoe was on the other foot I wouldnt have a problem with that as I have been there before in another relationship. I just think the drinking is becoming a problem and it will never stop, I have put up with him smoking weed but Im not willing to put up with this as well on top of it.