Keeping children In?

Richard tea

Hello all,

There are a number of families on my street. Most let there children play outside ( cul de sac, other parents gardens ) but there are two families that don't let their children out to play, well one of them has recently let their kids out to the front garden on occasions. The other family don't let their kids out at all. I understand that the kids might play out in the back garden which is fine.

My question is, why don't the parents of these kids allow their kids to socialize, interact with other kids

KittyeeTrix

Depends on many factors I'd imagine like e.g
what age are the kids?
is it a rougher area where they wouldn't want their kids out and about?
are they new to the area?

Richard tea

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

Depends on many factors I'd imagine like e.g
what age are the kids?
is it a rougher area where they wouldn't want their kids out and about?
are they new to the area?

Age ranges from 2 & half to 7
Not a rough area
Not new to the area, well they are both here at least 7 years

femur61

The 2 year I can understand the 7 I would conisder strange but the first child as a parent I was more cautious and more protective. Some people don't like the idea of their child playing on the street, it is probally the way they were brought up.

astra2000

I would not let them play out on the street or in other peoples gardens at that age unless supervised. I would however have them out in their own garden as much as possible and would invite other kids we knew well into play.

Richard tea

I was beginning to think there was a medical reason, but they look healthy so that's unlikely. I just feel that the kids that socialized at an earlier age will have a better start come school time.

astra2000

Probably no medical reason just parents with a different view. They may have cousins and family friends they socialise with also most kids go to playschool.

eviltwin

I wouldn't let a child that age play out on the street.

There's many reasons, traffic, dogs, stranger danger....whatever about an older child who knows the rules of the road and has some degree of cop on but a child of 2 or 3, a toddler is far too young.

You can't watch your kids all the time so it makes sense to let them stay somewhere more secure such as your garden where you have a degree of control over the environment. Have their friends over and its not a problem, they still get to socialise with other kids but in a way thats easier to supervise.

the_syco

a) Is your road a cul-de-sac? If not, they may think the road is unsafe.

b) They think your family, or someone elses family are a scumbags, and don't want their kids mixing. You'll get these people regardless of the area.

Deliverance

Richard tea wrote: »

Hello all,

There are a number of families on my street. Most let there children play outside ( cul de sac, other parents gardens ) but there are two families that don't let their children out to play, well one of them has recently let their kids out to the front garden on occasions. The other family don't let their kids out at all. I understand that the kids might play out in the back garden which is fine.

My question is, why don't the parents of these kids allow their kids to socialize, interact with other kids

Personally? My child has Lot's of friends and is v.sociable in ways that I choose outside of my particular area. She has play dates, parties with school friends all of them are nice and lovely. My child is v.happy with this arrangement and is well behaved 'mostly'.

Why do I do this? Because I see 'street kids' with nasty parents whom I do not want to clash with. I hear these parents roaring and swearing at their kids, they are far and few between but they really stand out. I don't want to clash with these parents and want nothing to do with them whatsoever I leave that to the social workers to deal with.

Plus the 'street kids' tend to stand out because they swear, bully / are being bullied because of irresponsible parents, I don't want my child mixing with them for the obvious reasons mentioned.

Am I a controlling parent? No: I am a full on parent.

Am I a responsible parent? Yes: I am very active and attend lots of events based on families, culture etc to enrich my child and give her choices other than hanging out on streets.

Do I let my kid run about unsupervised? No: I respect my neighbours.

Do I want a nut job parent on my doorstep shouting at me because such and such got into a fight with their uncontrolled kid? No: my kid doesn't get into fights with the street kids, which she would due to her knowledge enriched life and nice friends.

I don't want my kid growing up streetwise I want them / her to be happy and fulfilled. At the end of the day she will look back and thank me for it.

Admittedly though the modern urban lifestyle is difficult for any parent without support so I guess that is an issue as well.

smelltheglove

I like my kids out playing with their friends, 8 and 3, turning 4. All the kids from 3 to 9 on our street play together and most of the time they do so in our garden, all our well behaved, I get on with all parents and each one of them looks after each other. Usually if one falls off a bike or whatever they come straight into me as I am always watching, when I work at home I sit by the window with the window open chatting to them as much as I can so I am always close by to them.

I would find it strange a parent not allowing their child to socialise locally, I think it may be slightly unfair to the kids as never mind how often they go out and see other kids and do family things there is still a lot of time where they will be sitting by the window watching other kids play. I enjoy my kids being out and having fun and they have built up their own social relationships, even the 3 yr old has her own friends who call for her etc. The kids regularily have sleep overs with each other and generally they enjoy every day, there is never a day when they dont have someone to play with.

As for streetwise, I grew up in a quiet enough area and even though I was out playing etc when I turned 17 I was very very shocked realising what the real world was, how not everyone was nice as pie and I had taken things for granted. As a result of this I believe I did put myself in dangerous situations as I was oblivious as to what could happen, i.e. walking home alone at 2 or 3 am in the morning (18 onwards by the time I did this) so I dont think I completely benefited from not being streetwise.

littlebug

Can the parents see where they are from their own house? Where I live once mine go to the "green" area and field I can't see them and i'm depending on the parents who can see them to keep an eye out. That's fine when it's parents we know well enough to be in text/ phone contact with. Mine are only allowed into the gardens/ houses of children whose families we know well. There's one child they sometimes play with whose garden/ house they are absolutely not allowed into for various reasons.
Its only this year that I have afforded mine that freedom (ages 8 and 5) and I find that the younger one doesn't really want to as the only boys that are out are bigger, faster and rougher than him. He doesn't like playing with them so I don't force it.

I should add that until now they weren't kept away from the other children but it would be organised with the other parents that we know well and they would play in each others back gardens.

Rasmus

The two and a half year old is too young to be out on the street anyway, in my opinion. At least not without a responsible sibling. The seven year old may not be out for a few reasons, some of which may be of his/her own choice. If the child is happy to stay within the perimeter of it's own home, maybe the parents don't feel comfortable forcing him/her out. The kid may not know the other kids at all, if they don't go to the same school. It's unlikely that the kids are being deprived socially, they probably have that at school and creche, or other activities.
The parents could be worried about kidnappings, or maybe they think the kids playing on the street are a bit rough. If they themselves did not grow up in a neighborhood where all the kids played on the street, they may be less likely to see the merit of it.
As the toddler gets older and a little easier to manage, the older child may start appearing on the street.

thesimpsons

maybe the 7yr old just plays quite happily in their own garden with the 3yr old and doesn't want to go out outside to the other children. maybe they are hardly ever there anyway, maybe at other friends' or relatives houses.

Wantobe

I have a 6 year old and a 4 year old and live in a cul de sac estate where many of the other parents allow their children to play on the green area or around the road. I don't allow my two outside our garden, but a lot of the neighbours kids come in and play with them in our garden. I can't see the green area or road from the kitchen or sitting room plus we only moved in a year ago so don't know anyone except adjoining neighbours. I have told my two they are not allowed, under any circumstances, to leave our garden. This allows me to make the dinner etc without having to constantly watch them. Then sometimes I will go out with them if they want to cycle around and I will watch them or even go with them. I feel they are too young and don't have enough road sense, plus my 6 year old is afraid of dogs and sometimes a dog will come in to the estate- if a dog went near her she would run out into the road without looking. I'm really surprised by this thread and cannot understand the reason why the OP is even wondering about it!

OldmanMondeo

I have a 4 yo and a 2 yo, they are only allowed out when either myself or my wife is with them, even in the back garden. We tend to keep them in the back garden rather than left the out with the neighbours kids, but that is more to do with the neighbours being to "clickly" with each other and I can already see that effecting their own kids.

Nevyn

Maybe the 7 year old had run ins with the other kids the stress and upset is just not considered worth it.

gabsdot40

The mother of those children is probably writing a post about how the kids playing out on her road are so young and let run wild and how she would never let her 2 and 7 year old old out......

Different strokes

BostonB

Richard tea wrote: »

...My question is, why don't the parents of these kids allow their kids to socialize, interact with other kids

Perhaps they don't think its as suitable as you do. Did you not ask them?

Theres a vast difference between 2.5 and 7. Seem odd not to mention that.

Would you let a 2.5 or a 7 babysit themselves?

rpurfield

personally speaking weve twins here that are near two.apparently one of our neighbours think were strange for not letting them out the front to play.i say apparently cos ive heard it second or third hand but we just couldnt let them out the front.one goes one way one goes the other and while we live on a cul de sac cars do be fairly flying coming in and out of it.we happily let them out in our back garden all day but personally speaking i wouldnt be letting kids out on a road without full supervision till about 4 or 5

BostonB

I find it odd, that people think kids are ok on a road on their own, but not ok inside on their own and need a babysitter

whatdoicare

I absolutely hate how parents let their kids off to run wild in the street. I live in a cul de sac and I'm terrified I'm going to run over one of these kids with my car just trying to get in and out of my drive!

Since moving into my house, I've narrowly missed a kid flying towards my car in what looked like a go cart (very close to the ground), small girl on a scooter bashing off the side of my stopped car, another cycling towards me playing chicken, two little brats digging up my garden (literally, bucket and spade digging up of garden, ruined my drive), kids are constantly jumping over my wall and have broken one of the caps on the wall, same little brats throwing stones at my car, football denting my car, kids opening my front door and walking in, husbands work van doors being opened while he was locking the front lock so they could get in when he was gone (luckily he checks all doors) and walking into my kitchen one morning to find kids in my back garden playing in my shed!

This is not a scumbag area, everyone owns their house and works.

What kills me is there's a huge play field allocated for the kids outside the cul de sac (which we all fought for for the kids!) but the parents are too lazy to leave their house to watch the kids and insist they hang about outside on the road!:mad:

Richard tea

I see I ruffled some feathers, this was not my intention.
I merely wanted to get an understanding of some parents mind sets, some very good points made though.

BostonB

How about a creche or school leaving kids of 2.5~7 unsupervised on a road?

Richard tea

BostonB wrote: »

How about a creche or school leaving kids of 2.5~7 unsupervised on a road?

Im not sure if this question intended for me.

If your asking if children between the ages of 2 and a half and 7 should be supervised whilst playing on a road ( cul de sac ) Well the answer is yes, yes they should.

BostonB

I was thinking aloud...

BostonB

Complete rag but thought this would raise some debate here...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1303747/Poor-children-times-likely-involved-road-accidents-rich.html

Deliverance

Yep the dailymail is a rag. Debate over;)

BostonB

They didn't write it. Its a syndicated story, its also on the BBC and other websites...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-10989119

Its from this crowd...
http://www.roadsafetyanalysis.org/

The MAST Project was originally developed under the auspices of the Department for Transport between April 2008 and March 2010. Ownership of the project transferred to Road Safety Analysis in April 2010, in order to provide for long term stability and development of MAST Online and similar tools on a not for profit basis.

Its just stats, you could interpret it a number of ways.

Nevyn

There is also the fact that private estates tend to be walled off from main roads, have only cul de sacs and have plenty of ramps in them. So it can be the where kids are out to play rather then parents being neglectful or not teaching kids to be aware of the road and play safe.

BostonB

I've never seen private estates come up in discussion so much as it does in these forums. Its like a pet subject. I'd guess cul de sacs and ramps aren't as exclusive to private estates as you think.

I'd say theres a range of factors, smaller families -less kids, lower density population, and in general kids don't play on the road as much, because theres less kids to play with.

Nevyn

They are not exclusive to non county council or mix estates but those which are country council/mixed estates seem to be lower on the piroirty list when it comes to getting them put in.