two too many?

LegacyUser

hi, i've got a bit of a work related issue here. i'm working part time in this one place for the past two years, with a very casual and close nit group of people. i need you guys to tell me what you think i should do about this problem
firstly, near when i started i went out with one guy from work. things didn't work out and i broke it off about 18months ago. he still doesn't talk to me. though no one else seems to care.
but now there's another guy i'm attracted to. we've kind of had flirty undertones between us since he started a year ago, but recently things hit a new level when he asked me out. i refused, but assured him that it wasnt coz i didn't like him. i'm just not sure what that would do to my rep at work. i mean we work in a place where everyone knows each other so its hard for people not to find out if we get involved. if we were to get involved i'd be worried about being labelled as a bike or something. plus there's the added pressure of my ex, whom i know would kick up a fuss if he found out. he's already been spreading rumours about me as it is. at the same time, i know it might hurt him and part of me doesn't want to do that either.
that should be enough to leave it alone right? but i really like this other chap, which is making me very confused. i mean its not like i cant restrain myself but i think i'd regret it if i didnt give him a shot.
IDK this is just more levels of uncomfortable than i'm used to =/

LegacyUser

No-one has any ideas?

dudara

You might have to give it some time. Today was a Sunday, which is usually a quiet day on Boards, especially in the summertime.

Plus, I must say that I found it a little hard to read your post. The lack of capitalisation and spacing made it hard to comprehend for me.

Maguined

Well you clearly only have 2 options, go out with this new guy or not go out with him.

Personally i have never dated someone from where i work and have no intention of ever doing it as break ups are messy enough so i don't want the added complication of dealing with that where i work.

However you did not seem to have a problem with dating someone from work and that is fine, the fact you have a problem because your ex is still in the same company and you don't want to get a reputation being the problem i think you are being too hard on yourself. It was 18 months ago so anyone who label you negatively for two relationships 18 months apart is quite a petty small minded person in my opinion so you should not let that hold you back.

Also you cannot worry about hurting your ex, again it was 18 months ago so being afraid of hurting him is ridiculous at this stage, you have your own separate lives and after that amount of time he really has no excuse to still be hurt over things, its not like it is a week after breaking up with him or anything so really pay that no mind.

If you like this guy then go for it, nothing worse in life than regret over missed opportunities.

LegacyUser

^^Thanks for your reply. I know it might sound silly, but I do feel a bit responsible for my ex's behaviour. While we were going out I misjudged how serious he was and didn't figure it out for a while. I ended up hurting him more than I could have predicted. So sometimes I can't blame him being so distant from me. At the same time I know his behaviour is childish. Especially after 18months. Part of me feels that he needs to see me with another person to wake him up and show that I really amn't his any more. I'm just afraid of things blowing up in my face.

S23

I'd agree with what was said above. If you want to do it then go ahead. You don't seem to have a problem dating someone from work so theres not reason not to go for it. The lad you dated 18 months ago is certainly not reason enough to not go for it if you want to. If you are comfortable with it then there is no reason not to give it a go.

That said, I'd never date someone from work because chances are you end up breaking up and having to face them everyday and it can heighten tension or make things awkward if it ends messily. I've seen it happen around me and it can be quite unpleasant. There are plenty more people out there to date than the 20 people you work with.

Its really up to you though.

LegacyUser

I'd love to meet new people but between work and university I don't have the time. I go to Trinity and have found a lot of my peers stick their nose up at working in fast food. Even if its just until I get my qualilfications. Its hard to get on with a boy that thinks your jobs a joke. And I met many of them.

S23

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure its hard to have people thumbing their nose at you but, as cliched as it sounds, people like that aren't worth your time. You're working to put yourself through university. Not everyone can have their fees and living costs handed to them so fair play to you for having the drive to get up and do it.

It might be hard to meet people elsewhere. Hopefully it gets better when you finish up with your education. The point still stands, though, if you are comfortable then go for it but if you are apprehensive or unwilling to face up to any fall out if you break up then its probably best to give it a miss.

Only you know how you really feel about it

moco

Just go for it, the fact that the job you're in is a part time job to put yourself college means I wouldn't think twice about it. It's not as if you're planning on spending the rest of your life there and it could affect promotion prospects etc.

Plus, going out with 2 people 18 months apart is nothing, anyone who would gossip or would view you badly for that has little to talk about.

Nody

Personally I try to avoid like the plague office romances; not only because I've seen the bad side of the break out but also because I'm in a management position with all the issues that could imply.

Having said that; don't care what your ex might say/do but do be careful anyway. Yes, people will find out, yes, some might get a bit huffy about it but keep it professional. When you're at work keep it at that; no love letters, flowers etc. but strictly professional and make sure that he agrees to this as well. This will help minimize the impact of it.

diverdad

I saw this happen with a girl in my work before. There was a lot of talk and a lot of it very uncomplimentry towards her.

If you pulled twice in a nightclub 18 months apart that would be cause for cheers and high-fives. However, everybody goes home from there and may not even come back to the same club again. Chances are you would not have two lads you have been associated with in the same place on the same night.
Work is an 8 hour shift. Long time to stick two competing lads into the same smallish area.

What if the second lad becomes an ex? Move on to the next guy there?

There is no moral reason why you shouldn't go out with the second lad from your work. Feck the begrudgers and their idle gossip. Still...........

I'd still steer clear of it if I were you. You don't need to sh1t on your own doorstep as the saying goes.

fungun

normally id say avoid! But if I read your posts correctly then you are working in a fast food place to pay for going through college. And based on your timelines you prob have <2 years left and after that you prob wont see these people again as you will move on.

So in that scenario Id go for it.