Unfair behaviour....

LegacyUser

So I fancy this guy who I met some months ago and I introduced him into our group of friends. Then one of my friends starts to flirt with him and he flirts back. This bothered me a bit, but not that much because its fair enough if he puts me in the friendzone and prefers her - its his choice. Also i chose not to tell her that i liked him - so its not her fault that way either. However, then she announces that she doesnt even like him that much and she goes off and sleeps with this other guy that she actually likes - but still keeps the first guy hanging. So its just annoying me that she has both of them now and she doesnt even really like the first guy. I dont want him to get hurt but i cant tell him that she is not into him and that she slept with other person (plus that would be pretty bitchy to her as she defo wants it kept secret).

Another example - a friend of mine engaged to be married, totally flirting around and if we go into a party or a group of people, she will ensure that all eyes are on her and I just feel like, even though i'm single, nobody will look at me as long as she's there with her act on.

And finally, a really really nice guy whos a good friend (cuz i'm always 'the friend') and who i really do like - has a longterm girlfriend, and he's leaving soon and i thought about telling him that i think he's great - but then i stopped as it wont change anything and would just make him feel weird if we ever meet in the future.

And you know what - i'm starting to get sick of it. Other people just do what they want regardless of others. I sometimes think i should do the same....anybody else get fed up with the unfairness of some situations?!!!!

Canluum

I don't see how it's unfair... has it occurred to you that flirting usually isn't considered a bad thing, and that you are also free to flirt with whomever (though preferably single) you choose? The playing field is fairly level.

Flirting is a woman's mode of active attraction, however it can be just harmless fun too. Your friend has committed no sin. You yourself should feel free to practice on people that you're even not that into. Do it for fun, mutual enjoyment but never manipulation.

Awkwardly blurting out that you like someone who's taken and who is about to emigrate... not smart or cool.

lifes unfair it how you react to it that counts . dating can be hard but all it is is you rejecting people and people rejecting you until you find someone who you like and they like you . I dont think its anything personal that these guys seem not to want you.

and dont change who you are .

cathy01

I agree, sometimes I flirt and dont even know Im doing it.Apparantly, laughing at jokes and listening , can be mistaken as flirting.:o

Cheap Thrills!

'All's fair in love and war' is an old saying.

In the mating/dating game people don't take their 'fair share' or 'wait their turn' -they will greedily take as much admiration as they can get, regardless of whether they want to be with the person or not and regardless of whether they are already in a relationship or not.

People won't be noble and step aside and let you have your turn. That's not how it works. You have to look out for yourself because no-one else will.

Sex comes before friendship, always. People might pretend it doesn't but it does. That's how things work and once you know that things will make a lot more sense!

If you are always getting overlooked then ramp up your game SUBTLY. You don't have to become a pushy amoral b1tch but just stop being so needlessly noble and nicey nicey.

scoondle

Hello Tersburs Vols

It seems to me that you are just standing around waiting to be picked. I hope this does not sound too harsh.

Maybe the guy is just looking around, as we do. When I was on the pull, any girl who showed even the slightest interest in me would get attention .... not full-on but attention. Just drop a slight hint !

Zen65

tersburs vols wrote: »

So I fancy this guy who I met some months ago and I introduced him into our group of friends. Then one of my friends starts to flirt with him and he flirts back. This bothered me a bit, but not that much because its fair enough if he puts me in the friendzone and prefers her - its his choice.

So, because he did not flirt with you, that means he prefers her?
If he really preferred you, you think he would not have flirted back?

Did you ever flirt with him?
Why not?
Were you waiting for him to flirt first?

Can you see any misalignment between your hopes and your actions?

If you wanted him to be interested in you, you could have flirted with him to let him know you were interested. This means taking a risk, but that's the price. Your friend took the risk, and she did it right from the start, so the risk was minimal. For you, now, it is more risky to begin flirting. Unless you take the risk, people will pass by you, pretty much your whole life. It's not unfair, it's simply a probable consequence of choosing not to take the risk, and instead waiting to be discovered.


Be at peace,


Z

katie99

Get out there and stop being the bridesmaid.
Flirt, show you are interested in guys.
Don't stand around when your friend is the centre of attention.
Make yourself the centre of attention.
Chat to blokes, they don't bite. Be fun.