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overthinking during sex

  • 07-08-2010 9:31am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,
    My issue is basically to do with stopping overthinking during sex.
    The majority of the sex I've had over the past few years has been drunken one night stands. I've never had any problems performing during these.

    I've been seeing a new girl for about two months. At first the majority of nights we went out on the town and got drunk. The sex was fine at that stage.
    Now we're spending more quiet evenings together. Basically we're running into problems when it comes to getting properly turned on and hence aroused during sex.
    I think it's mostly my problem in that I tend to have twenty thoughts running around my head at once and therefore on occasion find it difficult to get erections, or to maintain them if I do. It's definitely in my head and not a physical issue because 75% of the time I'm fine.
    Although she says that she has a similar issue at times.
    Has anyone any advice on how to address such a problem. I sort of know myself that I just need to relax more and stop thinking too much but easier said than done.


Comments

  • #2
    Canluum
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 189 ✭✭Canluum


    I hear ya, I had the same problem for quite a while. I think it comes about partly as you try to fill the dichotomous shoes of the dominant one in the bedroom (what a majority of women expect a lot of the time) and a modern equalist caring gentleman. They don't overlap, at least when it comes to sex...

    Here's how I got around it. I hope the modern equalist gentleman in you doesn't find this distasteful, bear in mind it's purely role-play and won't have any deleterious effect on your relationship or your respect for women in general. In order to properly fulfill the role of the dominant one in the bedroom you need to adopt the mindset. Go as normal during foreplay. When it comes to that stage, then for the next few minutes no longer think of her as your sweet, put-on-a-pedestal, crown-jewel rose of a girlfriend. She's the dirty adjective adjective noun who you're going to verb adjective adverb. Embrace the animalistic lust, ride the ego train, (temporarily) be a selfish chauvinist... your stray thoughts will be minimal, especially if you're repeating the above adjectives and nouns in your head, or out loud if she's into it ;)
    Afterward you can kiss her tenderly, cuddle her caringly, speak sweet nothings, fetch her a towel, cook her dinner etc. etc.


    Edit: likely she'll feed off you in this regard and any problems she may have had will also disappear.


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