How do I regain my sexual desire?

LegacyUser

(anonymous boardsie)I'm not sure if this is in the wrong forum but here goes.
A few months ago I broke up with my girlfriend. The break up was partly due to our lack of sexual compatibility. We just didn't seem to connect in the sack. She was fairly prude when it came to stuff like oral sex and trying out new positions. At the start of the relationship we couldn't keep our hands off each other but I was never making her come.

When I'd try new things to spice it up, she would say "stop" or "no" and with that I sometimes would lose my erection as the moment would be lost. Due to the fact of not pleasing my girlfriend it got progressively worse and we stopped having sex entirely for the last 2 months of our relationship even though we would be sharing the same bed.

We are finished and I am heartbroken and depressed over it as there are so many things I should have done to save it, but never did. My sexual desire is at an all time low. I never get those embarrassing untimely erections I used to get (you know, the ones you might get at a funeral!), I don't find any other girls attractive and I wouldn't even risk hooking up with someone else for fear of not being able to perform.

The only time I get erections nowadays would be to porn. The function of this is to masturbate before I go to bed in order to 'try' and get a good night's sleep. I have no problem maintaining my erection for the duration of a w.a.n.k.

In fairness I don't get much exercise, don't eat well and I am in a pretty bad depression. Any ideas in how to feel like a man again so I can get those 'urges'? Things like proper exercise, diet, etc or anything else. I'm desperate. Please help

Zen65

myfacebo wrote: »

In fairness I don't get much exercise, don't eat well and I am in a pretty bad depression. Any ideas in how to feel like a man again so I can get those 'urges'? Things like proper exercise, diet, etc or anything else. I'm desperate. Please help

You've pretty much answered your own question there.

Get proper exercise, regularly.

Eat a balanced, healthy diet.

Get proper sleep, without the porn starter. At any rate, set aside a number of nights each week when you just go to sleep.

Don't worry about not performing at a funeral, nobody will think you less of a man if you are wood-free for the entire event.

Get out, meet people, don't just try to hook up.


And be at peace,

Z

Wibbs

myfacebo wrote: »

Any ideas in how to feel like a man again so I can get those 'urges'? Things like proper exercise, diet, etc or anything else.

Like when I tried to do my Irish leaving cert paper, where I stuck "mar bhi" in front of the exam question, the answer is in the question* .

You're after coming from a break up. One that it seems was long in coming. Your emotions have taken a bashing and so has your sexual confidence. You're also at a low par physically. That's a helluva lot of insults to your whole being, so not being on top of the world is perfectly natural.

When Im a happy camper I'd get up on a crack in a plate, when I'm a sad bunny it would be easier to raise the Titanic. Men dont give ourselves enough credit to how much our emotional state can affect our love paraphernalia.

So like you said yourself, a bit of proper exercise and a better diet will make a big diff. Avoid the demon drink, its a depressant. YOu could do worse than go to the fitness forum hereabouts to get some info and encouragement, but as a start, just getting up and moving more will help. This stuff isnt complex and we all know whats bad and whats good for us pretty much. Listen to your body, it'll tell you. We all know chinner dinners and a bucket of ice cream does not a good diet make

Try and reconnect with mates. You may feel like a wet weekend in Courtown at first but that will pass. Maybe avoid trying to get busy with the ladies at first. "To get over one woman, get under a few more" is dubious advice IMHO. Just get yourself back first. The rest will follow.

If it doesnt and you still feel locked in a funk in a months time, maybe a counselor would help.

Either way there are always options. The only thing written in stone is the text on your headstone a lifetime away. This will pass, even if you dont think it will.

Good luck.








*I failed Irish though so....

Silverfish

OP, it really sounds to me like she did a number on your head.

If you constantly hear 'stop' and 'no' from a partner, it can really affect your confidence and self esteem, whether you are consciously aware of this or not.

there are so many things I should have done to save it, but never did. My sexual desire is at an all time low. I never get those embarrassing untimely erections I used to get (you know, the ones you might get at a funeral!), I don't find any other girls attractive and I wouldn't even risk hooking up with someone else for fear of not being able to perform.

This in particular would suggest that you feel it was your fault, and that other women will react the same.

I would suggest you get out, exercise (this will also help with sleep) and unfortunately, yes, lots of fruit and veg and so on, a good diet can help with our whole outlook, your body feels better therefore you feel better.

Just spend some time on yourself, I know you'll have to force yourself out for a walk / run in the evenings, but after the first while, it becomes something you look forward to.

Have you friends? Hobbies?

LegacyUser

Silverfish wrote: »

If you constantly hear 'stop' and 'no' from a partner, it can really affect your confidence and self esteem, whether you are consciously aware of this or not.

Ya, i'm fully aware of it. Everything else in the relationship was ideal, but sexually we struggled to click, things weren't evolving sexually in a trust sense, I didn't want to act out any weird fetishist practices, but her refusal to do basic things like letting me perform orally on her got to me. I only wanted to please her. After a yr and a half of not making her cum, only killed my confidence.

Silverfish wrote: »

Just spend some time on yourself, I know you'll have to force yourself out for a walk / run in the evenings, but after the first while, it becomes something you look forward to.

Have you friends? Hobbies?

Ya I've plenty of friends, I used to be a good footballer and exercised regularly but I have to say my job but a divide between us. I worked mainly evenings (on call) and she worked days so when the phone would ring I'd have to be there. Same goes for having a routine when it comes to exercise. I'm thinking of getting a treadmill in order to exercise from home.

Ickle Magoo

Perhaps you should accept the issues weren't with you. I sometimes think orgasms are as much between my ears as my legs. Quite often if a woman isn't in the right frame of mind, is uncomfortable, is not sexually confident, etc then you could be the best lover in the world and an orgasm will still allude her.

Try and draw a line under it and just take any positives ie you know what you don't want/like better now and won't get involved in such a relationship for so long. Get back out with friends, get eating well, start exercising and you will start to feel better about yourself and the rest will follow, promise.

Best of luck!