Miscarriage bereavement

loopyloulou

Hi all,

I know this isnt probably half as bad as loosing a loved one but im having a bad day today. Had a miscarriage in january and today would have been my due date. Im just so down, it came out of nowhere. I had another one in May so i know im going to have to go through this all again when my second due date comes around in January! God i hope im pregnant by then, at least it will take away some of the hurt.
It kills me to think what stage i should be at now, walking around with a massive bump, probably giving out that i cant walk properly but so excited that im going to meet my new baby...Instead...nothing, hopes and dreams gone, future not looking quite so exciting, worrying what if it happens a 3rd time, is there something wrong with me, what if i cant have kids....
I try to push that thought to the back of my mind but it creeps in every now and then and terrifies me, i cant imagine not being a mother.
What would my two babies have looked like? What would their personalities have been like? Questions, questions, questions. Its horrible grieving for soemthing you didnt even know, had never met and couldnt yet feel inside you, its the strangest thing and sometimes makes me feel silly! But they were there, they were in me for a short time, i saw one of them and its little heartbeat, i cried so much when i saw it, so cute and beating away, but someone decided that it wasnt meant to be .
Anyway, thanks for reading, just needed to get it off my chest. x

CathyMoran

Do not downplay the grief - you lost your children so it is OK to be very upset - last year I miscarried in January so my baby would have been a year old about now, I lost several more through the year (though earlier) and in the middle of August last year we found out that we were expecting again...we actually went into Boots to buy a pregnancy test and contraceptives as we wanted to take a break if we lost another one...have a beautiful 17 week 6 day old son in front of me who is fast asleep and is the light of my life (along with his daddy).

Like any grief it never goes but you "get used to it" - I am sorry for your losses. Hugs.

LegacyUser

Hi Loopy, I can't say much other than I also had a miss in january - my baby would have been due next week. I know how you're feeling. I thought I was ok, but as my due date is getting closer, I'm getting quite low. I have a child and this pregnancy wasn't planned. At first, my attitude was 'everything happens for a reason' and perhaps I wouldn't have coped very well, or perhaps this baby would have been ill etc. My partner (at the time) was not very supportive, and we have since broken up, so I won't be trying again for another child, any time soon. He has sent a text recently, saying he is wondering how I'm feeling now Im closer to my due date, which almost annoyed me. He was so unsupportive at the time...

Anyway, sorry if I'm telling my own story and not giving you advice. I just want to say you're not alone - I am thinking of going to a miscarriage support group - I've been to counselling and it definitely helped, but I think talking to other women who have been through the same thing, would help even more.
So you're not alone...I've no idea what I'll do on my due date, but I've been told to 'be good to myself', even though I want to curl up in bed and just get through it. But I might plan something.
I hope you're ok -it's a bereavement, but almost worse (and I've experienced bereavement), because you don't actually have memories of the person...anyway, I'm rambling, but I really hope you're ok.

theg81der

Hi Op!

I had a mis last August, its very difficult to stop your mind going there. Everyone else forgets and your told "sure you`ve plenty of time". Its no consolation you can`t replace one with another but I totally empatise with your at least if I was pregnant, I feel then I wouldn`t feel so cheated. Especially hard to see all the mums to be proudly waddling around with their bumps right now.

I just eco the sentiments of others - you are not alone xxx.