Wedding Etiquette

elguapo

I'm getting married in the next few months, and my bride-to-be was chatting to a friend of hers about wedding stuff last week. When the subject of outfits came up, she discovered that two of her other friends planned on wearing white/cream dresses to the wedding.

I was shown a photograph of one of them, and it's an all white dress, with a huge white hat, no other colours involved. The other girl plans on wearing a cream dress, which I haven't seen.

My fiancee is not traditional, but she feels like it's slightly bad form of them, but doesn't want to seem like a bridezilla, so isn't going say anything, but trust that other people will point it out to the girls before the wedding.

I'm no fashion or etiquette expert, but it seems to me like very bad form to be wearing an all-white dress to someone else's wedding, and I'm not crazy about the cream idea either. It really is the bride's day, strikes me as fairly thoughtless of the two of them.

What do people think? Have times changed, or am I right in thinking that it's not cool to be doing this?

SueWho

Just a quick search on the discussion forum on www.weddingsonline.ie will tell you that it is still very much a big no no to wear an all white or cream outfit to a wedding.

It wouldn't ruin my day or anything that dramatic if someone did it at my wedding however I'd think it was really really bad form and I'd wonder if that person had something against me. It's a strange and attention-seeking thing to do, IMHO.

For the sake of peace she should probably say nothing. Then again, that's very hard so she could say something like "Oh you're wearing cream/ white, God I didn't think guests wore cream/ white to weddings!!" I'd find it hard to keep my gob shut but it might be the safer option.

Finally, everyone knows who the bride is and no other guest, no matter how hard they try, will ever look as nice or as radiant as the bride.

elguapo

SueWho wrote: »

Just a quick search on the discussion forum on www.weddingsonline.ie will tell you that it is still very much a big no no to wear an all white or cream outfit to a wedding.

It wouldn't ruin my day or anything that dramatic if someone did it at my wedding however I'd think it was really really bad form and I'd wonder if that person had something against me. It's a strange and attention-seeking thing to do, IMHO.

For the sake of peace she should probably say nothing. Then again, that's very hard so she could say something like "Oh you're wearing cream/ white, God I didn't think guests wore cream/ white to weddings!!" I'd find it hard to keep my gob shut but it might be the safer option.

Finally, everyone knows who the bride is and no other guest, no matter how hard they try, will ever look as nice or as radiant as the bride.

Thanks for that, wanted to make sure i wasn't losing touch with the rest society! And thanks also for your lovely comment at the end, I'll be showing this to my fiancee

tinkerbell

I think it is the absolute height of rudeness to wear all white / cream to a wedding, are these friends of hers thick or something? It's pretty well known amongst women that you don't wear cream or white to a wedding. Sounds to me like the "friends" are more attention-seekers than a true friend, as in fairness - anybody who wears white / cream to a wedding is gonna be gossiped about.

I hope that somebody tells them that it's totally inappropriate and disrespectful.

ninnyhammer

It’s etiquette alright but ye’re right to say nothing and rise above it. Don’t sweat the small stuff and if that’s the least of your wedding worries, you’re elected!
As for outshining the bride, not a chance….the only attention those guests will receive on the day will be along the lines of ‘who’s the attention-seeker who turned up in white!?!’

Jelly2

I do think it's odd that some guests are wearing white/cream, but my advice to your fiancee (for what it's worth!) is to simply ignore it. As another poster said, nobody will look better than a radiant, love fuelled bride that day! Furthermore, other guests will notice and make their own judgements of the white clad guests without the bride having to open her mouth at all...
By saying something, the bride might also pander to the wishes of the white clad guests - showing her disquiet to those perhaps most keen to know that she feels it.
She should just steam on with preparations and remember that the most important thing is to get to the altar (registry table or whatever) and find that you are there to meet her!!!!!;)

SueWho

ninnyhammer wrote: »

As for outshining the bride, not a chance….the only attention those guests will receive on the day will be along the lines of ‘who’s the attention-seeker who turned up in white!?!'

+1 to this! Other guests will be quick enough to judge yer one in white.

I bet on the day you and your bride will hardly notice this person- you'll be too busy enjoying yourself!!

The Big Red Button

Personally I wouldn't be too bothered at all if someone wore white to my wedding, but I would never even consider wearing white to someone elses. Why run even the slightest risk of upsetting or annoying the bride on one of the biggest days of her life?

It's not a case that other guests will mistake the guests for the bride, but it's just really bad form. Maybe the two girls haven't been to many weddings and are genuinely unaware of this? If so, it's best to let them know ... I've been to a couple of weddings where guests wore white or cream, and there was always a bit of bitchiness and nasty gossiping about it amongst the other guests, comments about trying to "steal the bride's thunder but just making a show of herself", etc.

You said she was chatting to a mutual friend about it - maybe get the friend to drop subtle/not-so-subtle hints to the other girls?

ceadaoin.

chatterpillar wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't be too bothered at all if someone wore white to my wedding, but I would never even consider wearing white to someone elses. Why run even the slightest risk of upsetting or annoying the bride on one of the biggest days of her life?

I agree with this, whilst it wouldn't bother me I would never do this to someone else as some people see it as a very big deal! I would have thought that most people would be the same.

Myself and my OH have been invited to a wedding next month and it was actually stated that the bride should be the only person wearing white (this wasn't on the invitation itself but on some of the other documents that came with it), so god help anyone who disobeys :P

OP I'm sure some of the other guests will have something to say about this even if your wife to be doesn't mind

Speak Now

Wedding's a few months away, maybe they wont be invited

smelltheglove

Ive noticed white and cram being worn by wedding guests a lot more frequently lately. Most people obviously feel awkward as they get dirty looks from other guests, especially older guests. It is common sense not to wear whit eor cream to a wedding really. Best off not saying anything just to ensure everything is kept calm but wouldnt it be nice to see how these girls would react when they go to get married and someone wears cream or white to their weddings.

yutta

Release a few little birdies on the social network. They'll soon learn about wedding etiquette.

tatli_lokma

Personally it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact my own sister wore a beautiful white dress to my wedding. Was I miffed?? not in the slightest, its not like people would mistake her for the bride, or she would upstage me.
I would be more miffed that someone didn't dress up for the occasion, or didn't make much effort. The colour of their outfit would be the least of my worries. If these girls hadn't told your fiance what they intend to wear, then she wouldn't even know and on the day wouldn't even notice in the slightest.
There are enough things to be focusing on than the colour of a guests outfit.

Wedding Films Ireland

Great advice. The friends I'm sure are unwittingly causing upset also!

Heineken Helen

Cincikchick wrote: »

Personally it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact my own sister wore a beautiful white dress to my wedding. Was I miffed?? not in the slightest, its not like people would mistake her for the bride, or she would upstage me.
I would be more miffed that someone didn't dress up for the occasion, or didn't make much effort. The colour of their outfit would be the least of my worries. If these girls hadn't told your fiance what they intend to wear, then she wouldn't even know and on the day wouldn't even notice in the slightest.
There are enough things to be focusing on than the colour of a guests outfit.

Agreed... if people wear white or cream to my wedding, they won't be wearing my dress or anything close to being as pretty as my dress.. it wouldn't occur to me to be annoyed . I know people who set all kinds of dress codes for weddings and basically I just wanna worry about what I'm wearing.

axel rose

Are any of these girls planning on carrying a bouquet and veil???? I hope no male guests are so considerate to wear a dark suit to the wedding!

These poor girls took time out of their lives, spent good money on a dress, will most likely drop plenty more cash on hair, accessories, hotel etc-not to mention a present and you and your bride to be are accusing them of being thoughtless .

Honestly stop focusing on this type of negative crap and focus on the two of ye. Do either of you really and truly think that either of these two girls could be mistaken as your bride?


You really need to stop sweating the small stuff. (My photographer didn't turn up for mine, my mother was being treated for cancer, my dinner was freezing cold, and our honeymoon hotel didn't have any record of our booking and we still had the perfect day )