I am wrong

LegacyUser

My sister had the child there last month (1st one out of my siblings) but I was out of the country at the time and my family all went over to see them after she gave birth. I have since returned home to do exams but my sisters have gotten very angry with me for not being all the interested in the fact I have a nephew and for not making plans to go over and see them (this would involve me booking flights). They don’t seem to realise that my exams at the moment are the only thing I want to think about. When my other sister asked me which side of the family the child looked like I said I couldn’t tell because it was too early but she went on to say I was being very cold towards the whole thing. It’s really annoying me as I feel like they are telling me how I should feel and that is something that really annoys me.

I am the youngest and the only male.

I am wrong for getting annoyed with them?

Wisco

Not everyone gets really excited about babies- especially when you have other things on your plate. Don't feel bad, there will be plenty of time for you to be involved with the baby if you want to be.

Miss Fluff

You sound like you're being a little bit too self-absorbed. While of course your exams are important to you right now, you need to display some level of excitement and delight or you're just going to look like the Tin Man. Make the effort, and get booking a flight now for the moment your exams are over so you are seen to be building a bridge.

panda_cub

I'd be inclined to say it's understandable. I've exams at the moment and can't even continue a normal life never mind factoring in a trip out of the country. That said, I don't have nephews or nieces so can't really imagine it. If I were you though, I'd give them something concrete like booking flights for a few weeks time or something - did you send a card? Maybe be prepared with a present if you can- I know some new mothers who have been less than impressed with presentless visitors!

alibaba12

Hi OP,it is understandable that you are "consumed" as it where with your exams as its a big deal and honestly a trip probably wouldnt be a good idea as your mind wouldnt be focused on the baby just on the exams.Maybe call your sister up and enquire about the baby make an effort to see how they are doing (if not already done so) and say that when things settle down you will visit (if you can that is).I know when my brothers little girl was born I was over the moon and nothing was gonna stop me seeing her but on the other hand my other brother wasnt too bothered (not that he doesnt love her or anything it just a male thing). As you say you are male - not to stereotype here but I just dont think men feel it in the same way.

ILoveGreen

Send a card, explain that you're doing exams and that you'll do your very best to get over to see her after that.

Exams are pretty important, and while of course a sisters baby is great, the baby will still be there after you have done your exams. Try not to stress yourself out over it and concentrate on studying. Let the rest of your family do the ooh-ing and aah-ing for the time being. You only live once.

Ickle Magoo

What do you mean "not at all interested"? No card, no gift, no phone-call? All of which would take a negligible amount of time out of your studying.

We don't know you but if one of your siblings has said you are being cold then perhaps you should take note and make sure you aren't damaging family relations by refusing to be enthusiastic or excited at all - not just by visiting?

tinkerbell

Look, as of right now - your exams are your priority. Your sister's baby is HER priority, not yours. Your sister is being completely self-absorbed and just thinking of herself. Not everybody's life revolves around babies and not everyone even likes the whole "oooh" "aaah" at babies either.

So look out for yourself, your exams are your priority. And your sister is being pretty selfish if she expects you to just drop everything and fly over to just see her child. Some women get pretty self-absorbed when they have a baby and just expect that the whole world just stops and that everyone should be fawning all over them. Err no. You have a life too, so don't feel bad. Your family should be the ones feeling bad for putting all this guilt trip on you when you have exams to be worrying about.

All you need to do is call her up and ask her how she is doing, etc - it will take like five mins. You don't need to be there in person to do that, just pick up the phone and call.

PS
I'm not saying ALL women are like that when they have a baby. I am just saying that I have encountered some women who are like that. Not all, but some. And they get pissed if you don't share the same enthusiasm with them.

Snowie

Im gonna be an uncle soon tbh, I dont really care. Or maybe it doesnt make that much difference to me.

my fammilly are close but imo people grow up, start living there own lives, I'm a small part of an even smaller fammilly but like i siad you maybe part of a fammilly but you have to live your own life. I dont think you've done anything wrong.

Ickle Magoo

So if everyone ignored your birthday citing they were far too busy and frankly, it just wasn't of interest to them, you'd be okay with that? I don't think expecting family to be at least pleased about a new birth in their close family, even if they aren't hopping with actual excitement, is unreasonable - I'm sure most people expect their families to get enthused at their birthdays, wedding, etc...

LegacyUser

I was the same as you when my first nephew arrived and I still am 6 kids later from other siblings.

You had a baby! Well done. I really won't have an interest in it til it hits about 12 months and starts having a personality.

I never visited any siblings in hospital. Some people do - I never saw the point - or more so, I never knew it was expected of me. i wouldnt see the point of my siblings coming in to see my baby (when/if I have one).

As for not knowing who it looks like!! Oh ffs! Most babies look like neither side and that's just women (generally) acting like children.

It's not being cold - it's just behaving as you are: not very interested, which in my book is fine.

Edgedinblue

I agree with Tinkerbell. I dont think you should go and book flights for as soon as your exams are over, thats way too much. not everyone gives a damn about babies being born (and thats not just a male thing).

its not fair on you to be told how you should react and feel towards this, especially since youve the stress of exams over your head and your exams ARE more important in regards to your life then the baby.

I do understand that you feel angry towards people telling you how you should feel, Ive been seen myself as very cold towards babies and im a girl (apparently a lot of people find that hard to understand) and i really dont care when theres one born in my family.

i usually just text the mammy and thats it. i dont do pressies so i do get that angry "how dare you not bring me something for my little miracle" look. a simple phonecall and card in the post will do! theres no need to feel bad for living your own life or coooing and ahhhing over the little yoke its only a baby!

keithclancy

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

So if everyone ignored your birthday citing they were far too busy and frankly, it just wasn't of interest to them, you'd be okay with that? I don't think expecting family to be at least pleased about a new birth in their close family, even if they aren't hopping with actual excitement, is unreasonable - I'm sure most people expect their families to get enthused at their birthdays, wedding, etc...

People have lives to get on with, I find it a bit wierd that families get so wrapped up in each others business.

I'd send a card if I remember someones birthday but wouldn't expect anything for mine from people.

People just forget, never got the experience of someone ringing to tell me they were too busy to remember my birthday ? ... I'd think they're mental.

Ickle Magoo

keithclancy wrote: »

People have lives to get on with, I find it a bit wierd that families get so wrapped up in each others business.

I'd send a card if I remember someones birthday but wouldn't expect anything for mine from people.

I don't think a close family member acknowledging their sibling having a child really counts as getting wrapped up in each others business, tbh. I don't think it takes much effort to pick up the phone and cheer congrats, even if you aren't actually that bothered. Deliberately not marking such an occasion just comes across as both childish and churlish.

LegacyUser

I’d just like to point out that due to the time difference and the cost of it I didn’t make a phone call straight after she had the child but I did send text messages and an email wishing them well. Since I have returned home I have been talking to my sister who had the child on the phone.

I was in constant contact with my sister before she had the child through email (as I was away for a few months) so its not as if I haven’t been in contact with her.

It is more so my other sister that is giving me a hard time about it, but the thing is she loves children and once my sister got married she couldn’t wait till they had children while I myself didn’t even think about it.

MistyCheese

I'd like to think that when I have my first child I'll be paying so much doe-eyed attention to him/her that I won't even notice if my little brother has sent a card or not.

OP, has your sis sent you a "Good Luck in your Exams" card?

Zen65

annoyed123 wrote: »

I am the youngest and the only male.

I am wrong for getting annoyed with them?

Here's a thought:

Being the youngest in the family means you have never been in the position of welcoming another sibling into the world. All of your sisters have had that experience (even if they were too young to remember it) so their training for this sort of event could be a lot more developed than yours. Being male can mean that your natural parenting instinct (that part of us that delights in the arrival of new life) is a little less prominent in your personality.... again perfectly natural.

I speak from experience when I say that maintaining a healthy relationship with siblings is a truly critical life skill. I have found my own sisters to be especially supportive at different times in my life, and I am glad of their continued friendship. So when there is any chance that your concern over your exams could be misconstrued as being concern only for yourself, it is worth making the effort to make it clear to your sisters that you do really share in the happiness for your new nephew. It takes nothing more than a card, a phone call, until you have the time and freedom to travel over and meet your new nephew in person, after your exams. When dealing with family, I think it is always best to avoid falling into the trap of trying to establish who is right or wrong..... the relationships are too complicated and too important for that sort of thinking.

So yes, focus on your exams for now, but don't lose sight that your relationships with your sisters will be worth more to you in life than any qualification.


Be at peace,

Z

Call. I can understand it not being of that much importance to you, especially with what you have going on, but it shows that you understand that it's important to her.

My cousin recently had a child, and I do love babies in person, but I wasn't interested in watching a youtube video of it basically just sitting there. My mother watched it about 100 times and couldn't understand my lack of enthusiasm. Even though I thought it pointless, I gave it a watch and went "awwwwww". 2 minutes for the sake of showing interest, and it didn't hurt a bit. That said, you aren't doing anything wrong.

Redpunto

Just make sure your sister who has had the baby knows where you're coming from and that as soon as you can you'll go and visit and when you have time after your exams make sure you offer some help. Newborn are incredibly hard work and its a very emotional time for the mum, ups as well as downs so she really does NEED the support from her family.

Cheap Thrills!

Life is not all about ourselves and what 'we' personally find interesting or boring. You do it for your sister, it's not about you.

You will be doing things in the future your family has no interest in but they will support you. So plaster a smile on your mush and get on with it!