B.I.L hurtful comments

LegacyUser

Was at a party at the weekend and my brother in law says to me that my ex of over 10 years ago (and whom I still hold in very high regard) said that he cheated on me. I said "hahah yeah you are joking" he was dead serious and was like "no - he did". B.I.L was drunk and can be a bit of a prick anyways but I am so annoyed and angry at him. At the time I shrugged it off as I I didnt want to disrupt the party.

I am still annoyed today so I text him and asked why he was making fun of him first of all (they havent spoken in years) and then why he said that about him.

Ex and I are still good friends (yes! It can happen - he is even engaged now and am very happy for him). I mentioned it to him the other day and he was like ive never cheated on anyone ever - my ex has done so much for me and is a very good companion/friend. Myself and my family went throught a very rough patch lately and B.I.L knows not to rock the boat (or maybe he doesnt if he is this ****in stupid) but did I do the right thing by texting him? i.e. the ball is in his court and he knows Im annoyed. Obviously he hasnt got a spine yet to contact me back.

I asked my sister BTW and as usual she told me to confront him myself instead (if it was my partner at my sister I would haul his ass into line). What kind of people are they?

tinkerbell

Who knows - maybe your ex did cheat on you but doesn't want to say it to you. Maybe he didn't and your BIL is trying to be a tool. Who knows. Say it to your BIL if you like but I dunno what to say. I mean, who cares? If he cheated on you, well it was 10 years ago and you've moved on. If he didn't, well he didn't but it's still 10 years ago. I don't see how this can change things?

LegacyUser

I guess its kind of about respect.

He can be a right prick sometimes and he always gets away with it.

I thought by putting the ball back in his court it might show him am not intimidated by him...because he gets away with an awful lot.

I am not debating if ex cheated or not. I trusted him 100% and still trust him 100%.

Its about standing up to that git - he has made enough comments over the past few years, but this one really bugs me because ex and his family did so much for me and were so kind.

My sister married him ffs.

katie99

You're obviously upset as you hold your ex in high regard and are good friends with him. So ten years or not that kind of information out of the blue from your brother in law is a shock.
The fact your BIL hasn't yet responded to your text reveals lots about him.
Whether he was drunk and simply making mischief ornot I would confront him face to face and ask him to repeat what he said. And I would ask him if your ex actually told him or a third party.
Don't shirk your responsibility here. This guy sounds like a prick to me.
Whether your ex cheated on you or not, your BIL shouldn't have said anything, especially at a party where drink is taken.
If he wanted to say something and had your interests at heart he would have told you in person while sober.

solasame

Perhaps they all know your ex was unfaithful to you and your BIL was the only one who would say it to you, maybe it was the wrong way but still, maybe he's the only one thats being honest with you.

Just another way of looking at it.

Seriously, talk to him, dont text, its a bit childish coming on boards looking for advice when you should talk to him directly as an adult if you have a problem, chances are if he was lying, you will show up his childfulness and you'll embarass him or truely get to the bottom of things!

Beruthiel

It was 10 years ago. What difference could it possibly make at this stage?

theg81der

This is only your perspective, ok you think he`s whatever. I`m willing to bet he thinks likewise of you and thought he`d burst your little bubble. Would bet money he`s telling the truth but tell yourself whatever you want, who would you have taken that comment from? You never wanted to hear it anyway, sounds like your sister knows too and I`m betting deep down you knew he cheated all along.

Its water under the bridge and if you don`t want to know consciously beyond doubt (although from your post I would suspect dated video evidence wouldn`t convince you) then don`t poke at it just leave it.

implausible

Maybe your ex did cheat but it was 10 years ago, so it really shouldn't matter.

I'd really choose my battles on this one. Getting thick over something he said about an ex is going to make you look petty and still hung up on your ex. If he is such a pr*ck, he will say or do something else that you can take him up on that won't reflect badly on you.

SarahSassy

B.I.L wrote: »

I thought by putting the ball back in his court it might show him am not intimidated by him...because he gets away with an awful lot.

But you only texted him - its hardly confronting him.

BTW its not your sisters job to 'control' her hubby so stop blaming her too.

LegacyUser

Hold on a second.

Why am I getting all the flack here?

If anyone cared to read the original post, I am still good friends with my ex - we went out over 10years ago and were always more like friends than actual bf and gf. I have no romantic feels towards him at all - he is engaged and I am delighted for him.
So the theory of me still being hung up on him is wrong.

As for him cheating, I know heart and soul he wouldnt do that. I am 100% sure of this so no debate there either.

My BIL always makes hurtful comments and accusations towards everyone - not many people like him. He is very loud. Yes I do hold my sister responsible - she is his wife. A few years ago my bf did something that annoyed her and she blamed me for it. So, is it a case of different rules when she feels like it?

I cannot call to their house to ask him about this as I know if I did they would turn it on me saying I called to the house all guns blazing.

I had to go to dinner last night with the family and they were there. Not a word said between us. HE made the accusations and slagged him off I believe to rise me. This isnt the first time its happened.