Ex advice please?

LegacyUser

Im 32, ex is 27. We were together 3 years. We had something very special. I messed our relationship up for reasons I now feel I have matured beyond. I have thought about her everyday since we broke up, now just under 3 years ago. I have not met anyone since that comes close to her.
Truth is I looked up her picture tonight on facebook and the rush of love nearly made my heart come through my chest(not a dirty reference haha).
I am asking for advice on this, has anyone ever successfully got back with their ex after this amount of time? Is it like digging up a dead relative, should they be left alone in peace? Do I need a kick up the arse and just forget about her. The worst thought would be the possibility of getting back with her and after a few months having problems again and having to break her heart again. ....

AnonoBoy

hurtingbutopen89 wrote: »

Im 32, ex is 27. We were together 3 years. We had something very special. I messed our relationship up for reasons I now feel I have matured beyond. I have thought about her everyday since we broke up, now just under 3 years ago. I have not met anyone since that comes close to her.
Truth is I looked up her picture tonight on facebook and the rush of love nearly made my heart come through my chest(not a dirty reference haha).
I am asking for advice on this, has anyone ever successfully got back with their ex after this amount of time? Is it like digging up a dead relative, should they be left alone in peace? Do I need a kick up the arse and just forget about her. The worst thought would be the possibility of getting back with her and after a few months having problems again and having to break her heart again. ....

Leave it well enough alone. Seriously - I know the feeling, you see a picture of your ex online or in the paper or something and it all comes back. But remember - it didn't work for a reason, and more than likely those reasons would still be there if you got back together.

Also after 3 years she'll more than likely have moved on and could quite possibly be with someone else. Why make yourself look like a needy guy who hasn't been able to get over her?

muboop1

I think it depends! You broke up for a reason or a multitude of reasons.

Whatever they are, do they still exist?

It isn't usually enough to say oh well I won't let them bother me this time or something... They have to be properly addressed and gone...

If the reasons are gone, then sure why not

sbsquarepants

I'm with the first poster, i don't personally know of a single case where getting back with the ex ended well, but i can think of loads where it ended badly or in out and out disaster. She's your ex for a reason, and you're her ex for a reason too.
I'd steer clear mate, you have the rose tinted specs on at the moment, if you stop to think about it honestly and clearly, if she was really that great you wouldn't have those "issues" in the first place.

goldenlass

I would agree that if it didn't work stay well away , especially if you think you could possibly break her heart again.

Write down all the reasons why you broke up with her and then write down all the reasons why you think you still love her. Seeing things in black and white and not just in your head can help you make up your mind!

However 3 years is a long time to still be thinking of someone, especially when you broke their heart. DO you know what she is at? Like she could have a boyfriend?

Tread carefully!!!! Good LUck!

LegacyUser

While agree with some of the posts above i.e if the reason for break up is still there, than ya it would probably be a bad idea to contact her and dredge up the past.

However, you mentioned that you have matured, which would indicate to me that maybe the reasons for previous break up aren't an issue anymore, in which case i would find out first if she is with someone (no point in causing hassle and getting in between her and someone else) If she's still single, who knows maybe she has been thinking about you too.

You don't know what you've got until you lose it.It's possible the timing was wrong first time round and maybe this time you'll really appreciate what you've got.

I do think you have to think very carefully before contacting her. If there is a chance of you breaking her heart again i would stay well clear.

Either way, best of luck!

LegacyUser

Is there any possibility that you're looking into her again because, as you put, you haven't met anyone that comes close to her...or might a better description be someone who kept putting up with whatever you were doing to mess that relationship up?

If there's any chance you're only trying to get back with someone who put up with you for whatever it was you were doing then stay away from her, no-one needs that sort of hassle back in their lives.

You broke her heart once already (so you said anyhow) so why set things up for another one.

LegacyUser

I`m still madly in love with my ex and I wish he would call/text me, I miss him so much.

jurgenscarl

What you need to do is go out and meet more women.
You ex is the special one because you have a disease called 'one-itis.'
This girl was the 'one'? Really?
Pal, you have opportunities with women falling from the sky and you just don't see it.
While you are pining a way looking up facebook, putting this girl on a pedestal, she is probably going out with guys and having fun.
<SNIP>
I suggest you go see a counsellors and talk over your issues.
You need to forget her, go out and buy some milk and a loaf of bread and get chatting with some chick you bump into while you are strolling around among the shelves in Tesco, get her number and go on a date.
You might be on the bus and a cute chick ends up sitting next to you.
Start a converation, get her number and go on a date.
If you meet up with your folks on Sunday and you go to mass, get chatting to a cute chick at the door of the church, get her number and go on a day.
Go for a few pints with the lads and if you see a bunch of chicks, bring the lads over and pair off with them. Go for the chick who seems most interested, chat her up, get her number, give her a kiss, suggest you all go clubbing and at the end of the night bring her home to bed.
After you have gone out with a dozen more women, had a lot of fun, will you be pining after a girl you broke up with 3 years ago?
You are 32 years old. Schoolboy crushes should be ancient history.
Onwards and upwards.

Wibbs

jurgenscarl wrote: »

What you need to do is go out and meet more women.
You ex is the special one because you have a disease called 'one-itis.'
This girl was the 'one'? Really?

While I am one cynical mofo when it comes to "the one", that doesnt mean I haven't seen men just truly fall for one and no amount of dating "chicks" negated that. Some people may only truly imprint on one or two people in their lives. There's even some science behind that one. I know a guy who was in love with one woman, it went south and he went off built a life and had women literally throwing themselves at him. He went out with a few and today 10 years on he's back with that first one.


IMHO OP, if you still have these feelings, I would say contact her in a friendly way. Chances are she's with someone else and happy in that. At least then you'll know and it will go a long way to resetting the oul heart. Not knowing is more likely to lead to a bit of a fantasy "what if" scenario, which will do you no good. If she's not loved up with anyone then see where it takes you. You should know pretty quickly if she feels similar after all this time.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies...believe me I am not taking this lightly, and a thought has occurred to me aswell, that all this mumbo jumbo over oh will it work leave her be ex's are bad news etc may just be that, and in thinking about all of it and procrastinating, I may be missing and confusing the main finite desire, which is that I love her.
@jurgenscarl, one-itis is not something you get after three years of deep friendship. ..and what do u think Ive been doing for the 3 years we're broken up!

LegacyUser

jurgenscarl wrote: »

What you need to do is go out and meet more women.
You ex is the special one because you have a disease called 'one-itis.'
This girl was the 'one'? Really?
Pal, you have opportunities with women falling from the sky and you just don't see it.
While you are pining a way looking up facebook, putting this girl on a pedestal, she is probably going out with guys and having fun.
<SNIP>
I suggest you go see a counsellors and talk over your issues.
You need to forget her, go out and buy some milk and a loaf of bread and get chatting with some chick you bump into while you are strolling around among the shelves in Tesco, get her number and go on a date.
You might be on the bus and a cute chick ends up sitting next to you.
Start a converation, get her number and go on a date.
If you meet up with your folks on Sunday and you go to mass, get chatting to a cute chick at the door of the church, get her number and go on a day.
Go for a few pints with the lads and if you see a bunch of chicks, bring the lads over and pair off with them. Go for the chick who seems most interested, chat her up, get her number, give her a kiss, suggest you all go clubbing and at the end of the night bring her home to bed.
After you have gone out with a dozen more women, had a lot of fun, will you be pining after a girl you broke up with 3 years ago?
You are 32 years old. Schoolboy crushes should be ancient history.
Onwards and upwards.

I'm with Wibbs on this one. Never subscribed to the "one" theory myself but broke up with my girlfriend two years back. After 6 months of heartbreak went with well meaning advice from friends and started dating again. Never been into the one night stand scene but over the next 6 months I started losing count. Weird thing was I wasn't even looking for that, in fact I was sorta looking for without realising it one person that could put the ex out of my mind.

I've been in two short term relationships since, and each time I ended it. Don't bother with dating now. The "fastest way to get over a woman is over another" to paraphrase an old quote is not true in all cases.

Still wake up every morning and first thought is of my ex, and still go to bed every night where she is my last. Wish it wasn't the case, and no not wallowing or using rose tinted glasses. I've learnt to live with it, don't like it but given up trying to force it to go away.

OP when you originally broke up you were both especially her still quite young, and as you say both of you will have matured a lot in the last 3 years so if the reasons you broke up are now irrelevant than maybe it's worth saying hi and see what she says. Just remember she'll have grown up a lot as well so might have changed a lot more than you.

cinderella2010

my ex looked me up after four years and told me he had so many regrets and never stopped thinking about me and also that he had matured - I gave it another go but was very spectacle at first but didn't take long to fall back in love

LegacyUser

thanks for posting cinderella, can I ask you what aspects of the relationship have changed? and not sure if you will answer this but what of the topic of lovers during the off period...? thank you