Boyfriend disclosed sexual assault. What to do?

LegacyUser

The other night, my boyfriend told me that he was drugged and sexually assaulted by a man a few years ago. He harbours a lot of anger since then and is finding that it is taking over his life, affecting him in every aspect. So much so that he often feels that the only answer is to "run away". He's basically having a melt down since he told me, I suppose its like the floodgates have opened. He is so angry at this man, who he barely knew and has not seen since. He spoke of doing unspeakable things to him, and gets obsessively angry at any abuse/rape/sexual assault cases that are in the news.

He wants to go to a counsellor, but cash is a big problem for us, as counselling is often very expensive. There is a waiting list for the rape crisis centre, and I think he will go to them for counselling and support but it's a couple of months to wait and I worry about his ability to manage his emotions til then.

Does anyone know how I can best support him throughout this time? I am just spending time holding him when he is crying, listening to him and acknowledging how hard this is and how brave he is but I don't feel I'm doing enough.

Also, can anyone recommend a counsellor in the dublin area who my boyfriend could go see if he needed to see someone before the rape crisis centre has an opening? Ideally an inexpensive one..

Thanks.

redhed35

i recommend a visit to his local GP,and perhaps they can refer him to someone in the mean time.

its great that he is starting to talk about his experience,just listen and be caring and supportive.

i also recommend speaking to the guards about the assualt,taking action will help him feel more in control.

Elle Collins

Here's the link for One in Four. They offer low cost support for victims of sexual abuse. Best of luck to you and your bf.

http://www.oneinfour.org/support/

Miss Fluff

The poor thing. Would he consider pressing charges? I'm in no way dismissing sexual assault towards women but I often think it is that little bit easier for adult female victims of rape to come clean because it is so much more common, am basically saying it took a lot for him to tell you.

He needs to speak to his GP about being seen publicly. As his mental health is a worry, the doctor will be able to advise on how treatment/counselling can be expedited.

neuro-praxis

A lot of places offer payment on a sliding scale, try all the ones in your locale.

A place I can recommend is the Lucan Family Centre, who charge according to income and ability to pay. They are compassionate and non-judgemental. Their number is 016217022.

Good luck.

Ickle Magoo

Phone round counsellors and get a realistic idea of costs. Your boyfriends mental well-being is obviously hugely important, is there no way to juggle the finances and find ways to make savings and get money for counselling?

JuliusCaesar

The National Counselling Service is nationwide and provides counselling free.

Until you get the money make sure you and him talk about it and that you are there for him and you love him no matter what.

You are probably the closest thing he has right now and he obviously loves you to bits if he told you so make sure he knows that he can talk or cry about it to you. Make a big difference.

LegacyUser

I've been where you've been OP, and you must be feeling so utterly confused right now. You want to help, but there's very little that you can do, apart from research counselling and let him know you're there to talk.

With regards to One in Four, I wouldn't bother tbh. My ex contacted them about something that happened to him in his late teens, and they just emailed back to say that they only provide counselling to people that were childhood victims (my ex was in his teens but still legally a child) and told him to go to the rape crisis center, which he ended up doing.

Wait for the RCC to get back to you, and until them research places like Target or the Samaritans for the effect the attack has had on his mental health.

Deise Musashi

I found it very helpful just talking to my then GF, now my wife.

Just having someone to listen and not judge is good.

I do still have some ill feelings and such, but I hope I am a competent parent to my own children. I try to impart to them a reasonable sense of wariness, but not paranoia.

For myself I hate them to be out my sight and direct control, but that's what they need to grow as little humans.

Some things still prompt responses, this post has been one of those things.

I'm not sure what else to say, I've never gone down the counselling route though my siblings have. I am not sure they got more benefit from that than I have from talking to my wife?

I do believe that it needs to come out some how, it's very corrosive kept as a secret.

I've used my usual username on here, PM me if you need a chat or if there is anything I can do to help you out.