Dark days ahead?

LegacyUser

i'm in a pickle and need to put it out for discussion

I'm seeing my girlfriend 2 years now and its been really good. Right up until the last month!

basically all of a sudden i think i've realised i'm going out with this girl 2 years and i'm not sure whether our long term opinions and views of life are the same. In fact i know their quite different.

She has always struggled to bond with my friends as she's just different and has different opinions of life. She can be a bit belittling of them (not to their face where's she makes a serious effort to fit in in fairness to her but to me she feels she can be more honest)

I just wonder that despite that i like her and enjoy her company will she ever fit in among my social circles or will she always be the outsider and thus i start losing my friends. I have noticed this happening.

While I have no great issues with her opinions on things now I would if we were both still together in 5 years

I know its vague but i guess the question i'm asking is that if the future looks like a struggle should i just enjoy the present or cut ties which i think would be really tough?

Cian92

timed, rottenest wrote: »

should i just enjoy the present or cut ties which i think would be really tough?

Enjoy the present! Why create unnecessary sadness? If in five years, her views bother you then is the time to reasses the situation. Your GF is trying her best you said to fit in among your friends.

Carpe Diem.

NUIG_FiannaFail

Have a sit down together and write a list of what ye both believe in politically and religiously. Party you will vote for, abortion, economic outlook etc. etc.

These are the two most important things in any relationship and if there is no compatability unfortunately the relationship is doomed to failure.

Best of luck OP

krudler

Cian92 wrote: »

Enjoy the present! Why create unnecessary sadness? If in five years, her views bother you then is the time to reasses the situation. Your GF is trying her best you said to fit in among your friends.

Carpe Diem.

Thats awful advice, 5 years? you think someone should be unhappy for 5 years "just in case"? peoples views dont change overnight so if its in your gut that it wont work end it now.

Beruthiel

timed, rottenest wrote: »

I just wonder that despite that i like her and enjoy her company will she ever fit in among my social circles

Why should she have to?
She's going out with you, not your friends.

thus i start losing my friends.

That's not her fault. That's yours.
I see no reason why you cannot hang out with your friends without her.

If this is your only problem in the relationship, you should count yourself damn lucky!

Cian92

krudler wrote: »

Thats awful advice, 5 years? you think someone should be unhappy for 5 years "just in case"? peoples views dont change overnight so if its in your gut that it wont work end it now.

Sorry let me clarify. The OP is happy going out with his GF now, why break up with her? When he becomes unhappy, or doesn't like her anymore then he should break up.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here again.


I think this idea of her not going out with my friends is all true in theory but in practice we work hard all week so only get time to see each other at weekends. Obviously i want her to be able to come out with me and gel. Now I enjoy her as she relaxes in my company, chills out whereas she stands off when in the company of my peers/ friends/ family. I know she can't relax as she can't bond with them. she does try as i said previously but when she is out among my friends i'm on tender hooks and not comfortable.

I can relax among her friends and end up getting on well - infact now that i think of it i much prefer going out as a couple among her friends as we both relax and enjoy ourselves.

I don't believe in stringing anyone along. I look a year or so ahead and wonder where to next? I still love her but beginning to feel i love one side of her and find the other side a bit pretentious, snobby and off putting?

I don't mind that she's different to my friends i like that we're different but i find her intolerance to things and people unlike her very very unattractive. Its obviously only become apparent as she's become more vocal and while i do agree with many of the things she says i believe in decorum. (i know that sounds like i'm a hypocrite but people should respect the fact that people are different.)

I think in the future her attitudes to things and people unlike her will cause really big tensions between us and I'm not sure she's too open to change! so i wonder is this the end of what has been a good road!

beauty101

OP Again wrote: »

I still love her but beginning to feel i love one side of her and find the other side a bit pretentious, snobby and off putting?

I don't mind that she's different to my friends i like that we're different but i find her intolerance to things and people unlike her very very unattractive. Its obviously only become apparent as she's become more vocal and while i do agree with many of the things she says i believe in decorum. (i know that sounds like i'm a hypocrite but people should respect the fact that people are different.)

Ok firstly your gf is going out with you not your friends. How you two gel is the main issue. Friends should never be a huge factor in a relationship..especially in one that you feel has a possibility to go long term. Friends come + go and you won't always have the same circle or gang, so why finish one major relationship to hang on to a couple that may not mean as much?

Secondly, you say your gf has made an effort with your friends but have they made any effort with her? Maybe the issue is coming from the other side.

Yes everybody's different...we're all human etc etc but there's no point in going out of your way to become friendly with people you don't particularly want to be friends with just to keep your OH happy. You should be happy with her..just the two of you.

It may cause an issue with your social life but why not let her bring a friend or two when your socialising with the lads? That way you get her and your friends, she gets you and her friends and who knows the situation may turn around.

All I'm saying and I say this from personal experience..don't let a relationship suffer because of friends because your friends may not always be there

dreamstar

NUIG_FiannaFail wrote: »

Have a sit down together and write a list of what ye both believe in politically and religiously. Party you will vote for, abortion, economic outlook etc. etc.

These are the two most important things in any relationship and if there is no compatability unfortunately the relationship is doomed to failure.

Best of luck OP

I don't agree at all with this. What do personal political views matter in a relationship????
You can be completely different and still be in love. A couple doesn't have to agree on EVERYTHING. Just the things that matter.
This political / economic crap is crazy!

dreamstar

NUIG_FiannaFail wrote: »

Have a sit down together and write a list of what ye both believe in politically and religiously. Party you will vote for, abortion, economic outlook etc. etc.

These are the two most important things in any relationship and if there is no compatability unfortunately the relationship is doomed to failure.

Best of luck OP

Sorry just saw you called yourself FiannaFail.
Now the political crap makes sense.