Awkward one

Ihasausername

I recently got engaged, and we've decided that we want a Catholic wedding, but we're slightly terrified that we'll be berated for having sex outside marriage. We've no kids or anything, but I was wondering if any of you were questioned on this subject by the priest, or at the pre-marriage course.

It'll just be an awkward moment if it comes up! Thanks in advance

wicklowdub

No,

Its nobody else's business but your own.

Ihasausername

That's what I thought, but the Catholic church was never one to let people have their own business...

wicklowdub

I wasn't asked anyway. Unless you get a really fuddy-duddy priest I dont think it would be an issue. As far as the civil part, all they are interested in is the fact that your not blood related (and the fee of course).

smelltheglove

We had 2 kids before marriage, no questions asked to us. Also I'd say about 40% of the church weddings I cover the couple already have at least one child so I'm sure you will be fine!

cowhands

We have a child and we are getting married in a church next year, nothing was ever said to us or there was never any questions asked by the priest, different times I suppose.

John Mason

you should be fine as long as you are not getting marriage in my local parish - the priest refuses to marry anyone living in sin or who children outside of wedlock :rolleyes::rolleyes:

cowhands

irishbird wrote: »

you should be fine as long as you are not getting marriage in my local parish - the priest refuses to marry anyone living in sin or who children outside of wedlock :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Wow...humm kinda surprises me. Is he old?

amdublin

irishbird wrote: »

you should be fine as long as you are not getting marriage in my local parish - the priest refuses to marry anyone living in sin or who children outside of wedlock :rolleyes::rolleyes:

He must have very few no weddings so?

Like okay not everyone has kids before marriage but imo the majority of people live together before getting married.

tatli_lokma

god I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest. I think that if the priests only giving preference to those who abstained before marriage and live seperately then they would have every saturday available for the next decade!
they rarely care - all they seem concerned about is that you do the premarriage course and that your children will be raised catholic to bump up the numbers. After that they are realistic and know that unless they bend the rules they won't be performing many marriages!

bills

irishbird wrote: »

you should be fine as long as you are not getting marriage in my local parish - the priest refuses to marry anyone living in sin or who children outside of wedlock :rolleyes::rolleyes:

And thats why mass numbers are the way they are!!

tatli_lokma

bills wrote: »

And thats why mass numbers are the way they are!!

in fairness, it is part of the whole ethos of catholocism, so he's well within his rights. if you don't like the rules, then you can make your choices..he's making his, based upon the fact that in the eyes of the catholic church sex out of wedlock is considered a sin.
but thats a whole other debate for another day!

(but having said that, its this very ethos of the catholic church which made me stop practicing, as personally I don't agree with the beliefs of the church)

Sergio

Theres people doing these pre marriage courses every day and its just a formality these days nothing to worry about.There trying to raise a few bob so in my eyes it business and nothing else!

deelite

irishbird wrote: »

you should be fine as long as you are not getting marriage in my local parish - the priest refuses to marry anyone living in sin or who children outside of wedlock :rolleyes::rolleyes:

That's mad - I wonder does he baptize children born out of "wed-lock" - what area(ish) are you in.

Tordelback

I don't want to offend the OP, and genuinely wish her all the best for her wedding day and the years to come, but as a married atheist I have to ask: if you don't agree with the church's rules about relationships (i.e. no sex outside marriage), why do you want a 'Catholic wedding'? Or maybe more to the point, why would you want one without first confessing your sins to the priest and seeking absolution?

Not trying to be a pr**k, genuinely curious.

deelite

Tordelback wrote: »

I don't want to offend the OP, and genuinely wish her all the best for her wedding day and the years to come, but as a married atheist I have to ask: if you don't agree with the church's rules about relationships (i.e. no sex outside marriage), why do you want a 'Catholic wedding'? Or maybe more to the point, why would you want one without first confessing your sins to the priest and seeking absolution?

Not trying to be a pr**k, genuinely curious.

I'd be on the same wave-length as you - I'm just wondering how much input "bride and grooms parents" have nowadays - as in "what would our relations/neighbours say if you don't get married in the traditional way.:rolleyes:

Thumpette

i agree with the married athiest entirely- however unfortunately I am finding myself in the same situation as the OP. My fiance loves the 'ceremony' of the church, and his Dad is absolutely insisting that we do the chrch thing. He is helping out considerably financially so I guess people (or me anyway) get swept along with it, as it is not important to me, but obviously is to so many other people.

One consolation of mine is that the priest if a bit of a renegade priest, is life long friends with my father in law to be, and doesnt seem like a creep.

I really would love to be doing it non- religiously though as I feel like a hypocryte