i'm too selfish to do the right thing..

LegacyUser

i've been seeing this guy for a while now, and we both agreed that it wouldn't be anything serious but he told me that he has fallen in love with me.
i like him and i like hanging out with him and the sex is amazing, but i don't love him, i can't see it going anywhere, ever.
should i end it even though i'm enjoying myself?

Moomoo1

noobie123 wrote: »

i've been seeing this guy for a while now, and we both agreed that it wouldn't be anything serious but he told me that he has fallen in love with me.
i like him and i like hanging out with him and the sex is amazing, but i don't love him, i can't see it going anywhere, ever.
should i end it even though i'm enjoying myself?

I don't see any reason to break up: just make sure he knows what the deal is.

whatsamsn

Op, im reading an undertone here.
I'd put money on that you fear if you come clean and tell him that you do not see yourself with him, that he will cease contact. But yet you like the sex and hanging out with him. This is a personal catch 22 situation for you. Alot of people face it alot in their life (between doing the right thing or looking out for your own interests)


Op, This is where morals come into play.
Clearly you have a conscience, by making this thread. Which means alot Many many people who have been in your exact situation have strung someone along because they were only thinking about themselves. Telling the other party what they wanted to hear so they could benefit.

The simple fact is you must tell him where you stand. If he wishes to not see you anymore then so be it. I know you will be loosing good things (company, sex etc) but if you do not, he clearly will be thinking its getting serious. While in reality you're just staying with him for your own interests.

You would then be a "user".

Sound Bite

OP, I know why you're tempted to say nothing but is it really fair to allow a guy who has already falling in love with you fall even deeper when you know this is going nowhere?

If you were hestiant with your feeling or just hadn't reached that "I love you" stage yet but were heading that way fair enough.

He thinks he's got a girlfriend but all he has is a ****buddy.

I wouldn't use someone like that and would hate to have it done to me.
He's going to end up hurt at some stage and the longer you string him along the worse it will be.

How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

There are plenty of guys that would be happy with this sort of casual relationship, find one of them and let him go.

jurgenscarl

He comes across as clingy and less experienced than you.
He's good in bed so if you break up with you he should have no problem in finding someone else and giving them a good time too.
If you break up with him, he's a big boy so he'll get over it.
It seems like you just want to have a no strings relationship.
Nothing wrong with that only you are with the wrong guy.
You won't find it with this guy.
The more you string him along, the more aggressive he is going to be when you do break up with him.
He'll go off and drown his sorrows and then he'll forget you and find another girl.
Break up with him and do it now.

Beruthiel

noobie123 wrote: »

i've been seeing this guy for a while now, and we both agreed that it wouldn't be anything serious but he told me that he has fallen in love with me.
i like him and i like hanging out with him and the sex is amazing, but i don't love him, i can't see it going anywhere, ever.
should i end it even though i'm enjoying myself?

Considering the fact that he has fallen in love, it would be extremely selfish of you to continue this relationship if you do not feel the same.
The longer you allow him to think there is a chance, the more he will fall for you.
Do the right thing and be straight with him. End it if you don't see it going anywhere. You are wasting his time and preventing him from finding someone who can feel the same for him.

petethebrick

jurgenscarl wrote: »

He comes across as clingy and less experienced than you..

So because he fell in love with her after a brief relationship it makes him clingy and less experienced??
You should think more before posting silly replies like this

Bottle_of_Smoke

Finish it. He's an idiot. He thinks that if he continues sleeping with you you'll eventually fall in love with him. As girls often only sleep with guys they romantically want more with a lot of guys can't understand when a girl only wants sex.

If you're straight with him and he agrees to it he's not going to fall out of love with you. Nothing will change he will continue hoping you fall in love with him. Even if he temporarily convinces himself otherwise.

Eventually you're gonna meet someone you do like and you'll have to finish sleeping with him. He will then flip and hate you. The other scenario is he will find someone he likes more than you. You will be jealous of that and start to wonder if you did actually like him(you don't but us humans are irrational when something is taken away from us)

It can only lead to disaster. I honestly think if you were a guy and your hopeless sexbuddy was a girl every poster would be telling you to stop taking advantage of her and finish it.

TitoPuente

If you have both agreed that it won't be anything other than a casual friendship and ****buddy situation then I don't see the harm. If he's falling in love with you and he knows you don't feel the same then he's only got himself to blame. As long as you're honest with him that is.

Moomoo1

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Finish it. He's an idiot. He thinks that if he continues sleeping with you you'll eventually fall in love with him. As girls often only sleep with guys they romantically want more with a lot of guys can't understand when a girl only wants sex.

bit harsh, isn't it? All he did was take up her offer of sex and tell her that he wanted something more...

Ickle Magoo

noobie123 wrote: »

i've been seeing this guy for a while now, and we both agreed that it wouldn't be anything serious but he told me that he has fallen in love with me.
i like him and i like hanging out with him and the sex is amazing, but i don't love him, i can't see it going anywhere, ever.
should i end it even though i'm enjoying myself?

Do you not answer your own question by your choice of thread title?

metrovelvet

I suggest you be a little more selfish because this is going to blow up in your face.

So, think of yourself down the line when the truth comes out.

LegacyUser

op here.

thanks, ye're all saying what i was thinking [other than implying i ever lied to him, it was always meant to be casual, he knew that]
and he's no idiot, and far more experienced than me.
maybe i wasn't completely honest about my situation because i wanted to be told to end it.
it's just that i'm in a bit of a weird place at the minute and i'm not really available emotionally [that kinda sounds like a bunch of hippy **** but i'm not sure how else to say it]
but i care about him alot, i just don't want to end up hurting him because of my own inabilities, if you know what i mean..

but anyway, i explained how i feel as honestly as i could to him, and he was upset but said he's wants me to be his girlfriend, but is happy to settle for drunken bootie calls if it means still getting to be with me.. [this nearly broke my heart, and leaves me back in the same mess, where my only problem really is i care about him too much to risk hurting him, even though he's telling me it's ok]

sorry, this is getting stupidly complicated now, and i'm even more confused than before

Moomoo1

I think you are overdramatising the situation a touch

sometimes you need to let people decide what they want and not do it for them. If the guy chooses to continue a casual relationship with you that's what he's chosen: he knows very well what the risks are. Saying 'well I will break up with you to stop you getting hurt' is somewhat patronising imho as it suggests that he can't be trusted with deciding what's good for him.

TitoPuente

noobie123 wrote: »

but is happy to settle for drunken bootie calls if it means still getting to be with me

Well it sounds to me like you're both on the same wavelength. He knows that you're not going to be emotionally available to him and has said he'll settle for a casual, sexual relationship. He knows the score so if he gets hurt, it's his own fault. If it hurts you to hear that he's happy with just sex and a bit of company then maybe you should consider whether or not a ****buddy relationship is what you really want. Perhaps you should just stay single and completely unattached until you get your head together?

Miss Fluff

You've laid your cards on the table now so that's a positive step

If you are genuinely just looking for really hot sex however then I'd look elsewhere, you will find it somewhere else. No problem. I don't think it's fair to be in a fcuk buddy situation with another person when you know they are harbouring hopes of it developing into something else, that then changes the dynamic entirely and it stops it being fun. Sure, accepting unwavering devotion is fine but it's fundamentally quite cruel.

I've been on both sides of the coin and I don't think it's a nice thing to do. Cut the guy loose and let him use his energy on falling in love with someone who is receptive to it. And why don't you concentrate on finding someone else to fulfil you sexually while you get your head together.