I want the Ex back someone stop me!

LegacyUser

I posted here several weeks ago about myself getting a job and having to go to london for 2-3 weeks, which happened I went and I was even able to get home every weekend.

Anyway I ended up breaking up with G/F she became way to controlling from what was watched on TV to what I could do in relation with my friends, basically every aspect of my life was done by her, yet I put up with it because I loved her, in fact i still love her and It's so annoying,

The relationship was horrible we always fought basically, deleted all friends who where of the female type, got rid of there numbers while in the relationship, as stated above I couldn't even watch any of the worldcup or anything because she didn't like it, but i had to sit through hours of soaps and did so happily because i loved her.

I now find myself trying to come to terms in wanting to get back with her, I've been in contact, met up she would hold my hand etc start kissing me etc and I'd be up for it but i think to myself what the hell .... Like what do i do, I'm so confused, so utterly feeling like ****, I'm so bored now that she's not in my life!

HELP!

krudler

wow, you were a pushover. A girlfriend telling me what I can and cant watch on tv just doesnt compute for me. Just keep reminding yourself of all the horrible stuff she did, go out and find someone who isnt a psychopath as this girl clearly was, and move on.

LegacyUser

But I've even gone and booked a holiday and paid for it in full about 2 months ago!!! I have alot in my mind, holiday etc

Moomoo1

get back with her, be a man and tell HER what to do. If she's being unreasonable again just stand your ground like Davy Crockett...

Sephiroth_dude

Dont get back with her,it'll just go back to the way things were and you'll be unhappy again,delete her number (if you have'nt done so already)and be strong and dont contact her.your better off without her.

redhed35

no contact!

stop making contact with her,stop putting yourself in the danger zone.

what are you missing about the relationship,did you like being controlled?

im asking that as a legitimate question?

take some time for yourself to consider what it is you want from a relationship.

a healthy relationship has balance.

there is so much to do in the world,i cannot understand why your bored,do you miss the drama?

Darlughda

I feel for you OP, sounds like you are caught between a rock and a hard place.

You don't say how old you and your ex-girlfriend are, but I can't help thinking that sometimes, the best way we can learn about the destructive aspects of ourselves is from somebody who truly loves you.

You do not sound like a pushover, at all.
The fact you ended the relationship, recognising the unacceptable control issues is proof of that.

Yet, you obviously do genuinely love her and can see beyond her issues.

Maybe, and that is a just maybe, you can use this to help her. By making it clear to her what is and what is not acceptable to you in terms of the controlling, you could embark upon your relationship again, providing that she is willing to deal with these issues?

Ickle Magoo

So the relationship was horrible, she was psychotically controlling and you want it all back because you are bored? I'm not sure we can give you the help you need tbh.

Why do you want such an unhealthy relationship and why do you think your boredom is reason enough to string someone along thinking you actually like them? You either set out your stall and make sure you highlight your boundaries making it clear you will end things at the first sign of controlling behaviour and give it another shot or you remind yourself she was psychotically controlling and being someone else's controlled doormat gets even more boring than being on your own.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

So the relationship was horrible, she was psychotically controlling and you want it all back because you are bored? I'm not sure we can give you the help you need tbh.

Why do you want such an unhealthy relationship and why do you think your boredom is reason enough to string someone along thinking you actually like them? You either set out your stall and make sure you highlight your boundaries making it clear you will end things at the first sign of controlling behaviour and give it another shot or you remind yourself she was psychotically controlling and being someone else's controlled doormat gets even more boring than being on your own.

All the best.

It's because I seen her everyday pretty much we lived very close together, now i see myself not doing as much things because of this.

We had a holiday that we where meant to be going on soon fully paid for etc, the fact is, she's trying to come across as the victim because i was the one who went to England for my job and broke up with her, she trys to tell me lets be friends, yet when i did see her she was all cuddly etc telling me she missis me and everything, it's so annoying!

Just talk to her and tell her things have to change if you get back together.

If she agree's then all well and good, if she doesn't then forget about her.

Quite simple tbf. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Taltos

Personally I would fall to my knees and thanks the fluffy bunnies in the sky that I escaped.....

What's that syndrome that people who have been kidnapped get? It basically means they are totally on the side of their abductors... <Stockholm Syndrome>

You need to break the pattern. Find some new places to go and mix with your friends or new friends as much as possible.
When asked - would suggest that you just say you don't want to talk about her - but if challenged over your "bad" treatment of her - well let rip.

Stay away. Don't call. Don't hold hands. In fact if you do meet up and she starts all that lovey dovey or doe eyes manipulative crap. Just say "sorry gotta dash - Man Utd / Liverpool / QPR are playing..."
Watch out for the crocodile tears - they will be the next thing. But if she really cared for you then she would care for what you want too...

Well rid.

Moomoo1

Stockholm is a term that gets misused a lot. She's not exactly a violent kidnapper holding him against his will.

As for respecting what he wants, she can probably see all the various things he wants to do with her written on his face in large neon letters .

Abi

what-have-i-done wrote: »

I posted here several weeks ago about myself getting a job and having to go to london for 2-3 weeks, which happened I went and I was even able to get home every weekend.

I didn't see that post, so I'll just say it as I see it here.

Anyway I ended up breaking up with G/F she became way to controlling from what was watched on TV to what I could do in relation with my friends, basically every aspect of my life was done by her, yet I put up with it because I loved her, in fact i still love her and It's so annoying,

The relationship was horrible we always fought basically, deleted all friends who where of the female type, got rid of there numbers while in the relationship, as stated above I couldn't even watch any of the worldcup or anything because she didn't like it, but i had to sit through hours of soaps and did so happily because i loved her.

I had the exact same situation with someone, only in reverse. He basically tried to rid me of all my interests and my friends, and his excuse mid argument was that he loved me too much, and wanted me for himself. When you love them back, it almost makes sense, and almost excusable. I was very young when I met him, and it took me a long time to wake up.

If someone loves you, they won't try to change anything about you, or hold you back or keep you all to themselves. He lost because he squeezed a little too tight.

I now find myself trying to come to terms in wanting to get back with her, I've been in contact, met up she would hold my hand etc start kissing me etc and I'd be up for it but i think to myself what the hell .... Like what do i do, I'm so confused, so utterly feeling like ****, I'm so bored now that she's not in my life!

HELP!

You don't want to do that. You've settled into a routine, and you miss it. When a man or woman has that kind of controlling behaviour, they see it and use it in their favour. I don't believe controlling people can be changed, based on my own experience, but I'm nobody to tell you what you should do.

But if you asked me if I should have done something long ago? Yes. If you were to ask me now am I happy I've moved on? Very much so.

It's not easy to be brave about these things, but the longer you stay with someone like that, you're missing out- on someone happier with you, the way you are.

LegacyUser

I get what your all saying but at times she basically gives me false hope of something working out, however she's met someone new ha, so like it's weird and at times it gets me down to think about that, I havn't had a problem going out on nights out and scoring some random girls but it's just not the same at all! I don't want to get back with her but I do, it's so annoying

boarduser1980

what-have-i-done wrote: »

I get what your all saying but at times she basically gives me false hope of something working out, however she's met someone new ha, so like it's weird and at times it gets me down to think about that, I havn't had a problem going out on nights out and scoring some random girls but it's just not the same at all! I don't want to get back with her but I do, it's so annoying

your just so used to her been part of your life, its become a habit. before you ever met her you lived without her. i know its hard but if she knows she can control you then getting back with her is just going back to square one, she'll know she has you 'under the thump' and will treat you whatever why she feels, cos she knows she can 'get away with it'